One of the things that bothers me about myself lately is my lack of fashion. Since becoming a mom, I have abandoned my old habits of shopping sprees and tons of clothes, and shoes that match every outfit and purses that match every shoe. Unfortunately, I’ve had to kiss some all of my old clothes away because I have gained a little bit of weight. Two years ago I fit into a size four, my wedding dress is a size twelve and it only needs to be taken in on the chest and in the length.
It’s a shocker, really, when you think about it. I don’t really look any bigger (or so I’m told, but like Elizabeth says…everyone scrambles over a woman to tell her she looks great no matter what) and I’m not by any stretch over weight…but still. My rib cage and hips have expanded, and I no longer have the effortless abs I used to have. I’m not uncomfortable with my body in the sense that I feel the desire to diet and exercise until I’m down twenty pounds, but I’m not comfortable in my skin because of how I dress. I wear what fits, and some days what fits is PJ bottoms and a comfy shirt from Matt’s dresser. I don’t enjoy going out in public because, even when I force myself into my jeans I don’t feel cute.
Yesterday, while at the mall Matt and I went into a store and I saw several outfits that I wanted to have, several classy looking outfits that scream “well dressed! cute!” and “fashionable!”. But my problem is, ever time we get extra money I feel so guilty about spending it on myself that I return whatever it is that I bought and get something for Matt or for Nolan. Which, ya know, isn’t good…I mean it’s good for them but then both my boys end up better dressed than I do and that just adds to my whole scrubby mummy dilemma.
It’s not at all like I want to drop 500 bucks a week on clothes for myself. I just wish that I could get a new wardrobe for school and not feel guilty about it. Even the thought of spending any amount of money on myself on clothes makes me feel guilty because, when you have a kid, that money can go elsewhere.
But I’m tired of being a scrubby mummy. I want to feel cute and well dressed. I’ve outgrown the style of my old clothes, they scream “preppy highschooler” and are too tight anyway. Dressing cute and feeling cute would seriously help boost my self esteem levels.
What Not To Wear totally needs to stop in with 5 grand that I can spend on myself.