A friend of mine had this as her status last night;
“To all you girls out there; love doesn’t last forever. Protect your shit.”
Upon first reading it, I thought “Well that’s a negative outlook!” but then I thought about it some more. I thought about all of the things I’ve learned this year; all of the harsh realities that I’ve had to accept and learn from and, even grow from. I came to the startling realization that those words aren’t that negative at all.
Before I go any further with this, I just want to say that I believe in love. I believe in it with all of my heart. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be getting married this summer. I’m not someone who takes marriage lightly, and luckily, neither is Matt. I’m a bride-to-be here, but I still agree with that statement.
Love doesn’t last forever, protect your shit.
It doesn’t. Or at least, it doesn’t have to. All it takes is one person to decide that they no longer care, that they no longer feel the way they once did. No matter how much you love someone, it won’t stop them from leaving you should they feel that’s what they want to do.
It’s a harsh reality, but it’s one that I’ve learned to accept. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to constantly be waiting for Matt to leave me, hells no. It just means that I know forever isn’t always, well, forever.
I plan on protecting my shit. Matt has my heart (as I have his), but my heart knows that, should Matt turn out to not be the person I fell in love with, I would survive. My heart knows that shit happens, people cheat, people fall out of love and people leave. My heart is willing to take that risk. Same with Matt’s heart; it knows this, it accepts this, and both our hearts still choose to let love and light into our lives.
I know that Matt would never cheat on me, and I know that I would never cheat on him. It’s just our characters, it’s just how we’ve been built. We’ve both seen what cheating does to a family, we’re both the kind of person who is faithful and loyal. I know that before Matt started or had a relationship with someone else, he would tell me things have changed. Matt knows that if I fell out of love with him, I would tell him. Sure, it would sting, but it’s better than the alternative.
There are things about relationships that I’ve learned in this past year that I am so grateful to know now. Relationships work when there’s trust, when two people love each other and want to make it last. Relationships take constant work and repair, and both people have to be willing to grow. Relationships work when you’re both headed in the same direction but have separate goals. It’s okay to be two different people. It’s okay to do things apart. If one person isn’t growing the way the other person needs it, that’s when relationships tend to fall.
Picture the Sims…you know that “love-o-meter” thing? For relationships? You know how you have to build it up to say 100 and then maintain it? Keep the romance alive, that kind of thing? Real life is like that too. Every single relationship takes work and effort, especially romantic relationships…maybe even a little more-so than every other relationship.
Just because I’m protecting my shit by acknowledging that forever doesn’t have to last, just because I’m protecting my heart by accepting the fact that shit happens, doesn’t mean our relationship is doomed to fail. It’s totally not, in fact I think it’s the opposite. Living in denial, thinking that your relationship will always come easily and things will always work out and nothing horrible could ever happen to you means that your world would be ripped apart should anything happen. And yes, my world might hurt for a while should the worst thing happen between Matt and I, should our relationship fail, but I know that I will heal. I know that I could move on should I have to. I don’t want to, but I would.
Matt is my soulmate, we complete each other in every way possible. But we’re not foolish to think that the rest of our lives together will come easily.