Protect your shit…

A friend of mine had this as her status last night;

“To all you girls out there; love doesn’t last forever. Protect your shit.”

Upon first reading it, I thought “Well that’s a negative outlook!” but then I thought about it some more. I thought about all of the things I’ve learned this year; all of the harsh realities that I’ve had to accept and learn from and, even grow from. I came to the startling realization that those words aren’t that negative at all.

Before I go any further with this, I just want to say that I believe in love. I believe in it with all of my heart. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be getting married this summer. I’m not someone who takes marriage lightly, and luckily, neither is Matt. I’m a bride-to-be here, but I still agree with that statement.

Love doesn’t last forever, protect your shit.

It doesn’t. Or at least, it doesn’t have to. All it takes is one person to decide that they no longer care, that they no longer feel the way they once did. No matter how much you love someone, it won’t stop them from leaving you should they feel that’s what they want to do.

It’s a harsh reality, but it’s one that I’ve learned to accept. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to constantly be waiting for Matt to leave me, hells no. It just means that I know forever isn’t always, well, forever.

I plan on protecting my shit. Matt has my heart (as I have his), but my heart knows that, should Matt turn out to not be the person I fell in love with, I would survive. My heart knows that shit happens, people cheat, people fall out of love and people leave. My heart is willing to take that risk. Same with Matt’s heart; it knows this, it accepts this, and both our hearts still choose to let love and light into our lives.

I know that Matt would never cheat on me, and I know that I would never cheat on him. It’s just our characters, it’s just how we’ve been built. We’ve both seen what cheating does to a family, we’re both the kind of person who is faithful and loyal. I know that before Matt started or had a relationship with someone else, he would tell me things have changed. Matt knows that if I fell out of love with him, I would tell him. Sure, it would sting, but it’s better than the alternative.

There are things about relationships that I’ve learned in this past year that I am so grateful to know now. Relationships work when there’s trust, when two people love each other and want to make it last. Relationships take constant work and repair, and both people have to be willing to grow. Relationships work when you’re both headed in the same direction but have separate goals. It’s okay to be two different people. It’s okay to do things apart. If one person isn’t growing the way the other person needs it, that’s when relationships tend to fall.

Picture the Sims…you know that “love-o-meter” thing? For relationships? You know how you have to build it up to say 100 and then maintain it? Keep the romance alive, that kind of thing? Real life is like that too. Every single relationship takes work and effort, especially romantic relationships…maybe even a little more-so than every other relationship.

Just because I’m protecting my shit by acknowledging that forever doesn’t have to last, just because I’m protecting my heart by accepting the fact that shit happens, doesn’t mean our relationship is doomed to fail. It’s totally not, in fact I think it’s the opposite. Living in denial, thinking that your relationship will always come easily and things will always work out and nothing horrible could ever happen to you means that your world would be ripped apart should anything happen. And yes, my world might hurt for a while should the worst thing happen between Matt and I, should our relationship fail, but I know that I will heal. I know that I could move on should I have to. I don’t want to, but I would.

Matt is my soulmate, we complete each other in every way possible. But we’re not foolish to think that the rest of our lives together will come easily.



Filed under life lessons, love love love, reflecting, writing

6 responses to “Protect your shit…

  1. My husband and I have always operated under the idea that love is a choice. It’s a pretty sweet and amazing feeling, but it’s also a choice on the days when you wake up and wonder what happened to that lovin’ feeling. Sometimes you have to fake it til you make it. I know a lot of people find that attitude to be really callous but I honestly don’t think it is. Marriage is a marathon and if you rely on the initial great feelings, as I think you are totally aware, it won’t last. Each partner has to be committed to waking up every morning and choosing their partner all over again. It’s not my husband’s love that I trust, though I do enjoy that, it’s his choice I really trust.

    • I agree with you and your husband; love is a choice, definitely. Everything you said is true! Those first initial feelings are MEANT to be great, so that you have something to work with. Marrige is definitely a marathon!!

    • Blaine

      I agree with this, too. I wake up every morning, look over, and choose Chris. I choose our family, everything we’ve built. I’ve only been married for 1.5 years, but I know that it takes every single day to keep a marriage strong.

      While I know what you are referring to in this post, somewhat, I think, I can’t help but feel it is a beautiful post. I especially love the last two lines. 😀

  2. apandorabox

    i understand this in a different way… having some property (it’s not actually mine, it’s my parents, but my brother and me own it legally… it’s complicated) i feel like i should protect that property so that if i ever get married and then have to get a divorce, my ex-husband-to-be can’t take those things from me (or my SIL from my brother)… not only because that property is part of my parents plans for their retirement but also because it belongs to us (or to them) and it was something that was bought without boyfriends or girlfriends in thought

    i always say that to my boyfriend too, i always say that he needs to protect his shop, because you never know what you may someday do…. you don’t know how you guys could break up your relationship and end up worse off…

    we don’t have prenups here, i think… but i feel like there is certain shit that needs to be protected….

    • Prenups are bomb. Luckily both Matt and I are going into this marriage without anything (save for my car and his truck; I get my car, he gets his truck. And Nolan too, I guess, but THAT’S more complicated anyway).

      Yup, protect your shit. All of it. 😉

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