{not really} in agreement

I am anxious to find a full-time desk job as soon as possible. Last night, Matt, N & I headed out to meet with a possible daycare provider, contracted off of the Y. Before we left, Matt decided that he was going to try to discuss his opinion on the matter. Matt usually waits for the last possible minute to tell me he isn’t in agreement with whatever it is we’re doing. I think it’s out of his desire to spoil me and make sure I am happy and get whatever it is I want. He knew I wanted to go and visit with this possible daycare provider and get the ball rolling on this whole job thing, so he kept silent up until two hours before we had to leave.

He isn’t comfortable with the idea of N going to daycare and me working full-time. He’s old-fashioned in the sense that he’d rather see me stay at home with N while he’s this young. He’s not against me going to work or school or anything like that, he’d just rather I wait until N is older, until he’s maybe 2 or 3. He’s worried that I will over work myself and that my health would be affected.

I respect and understand where he’s coming from, but frankly I’m getting tired of people constantly worrying about my “health” and trying to bubble me and protect me from the big bad world of working. I realize and accept the fact that I can’t do the more physically demanding jobs out there, but I’m very good at desk/office work. I’m very good at a lot of things, actually, that aren’t considered “physically demanding” tasks.

And anyways, technically chasing a very busy 1-year-old around is more physically demanding than working full-time in an office. I can chase N around, and yes I am tired at the end of each day, but what mother of a toddler isn’t tired at the end of each day? I love being a SAHM, and if we could afford to do it and still have money left over for all our wants, I’d do it in a heartbeat!

I have been a SAHM a lot longer than a lot of women get to be. We’ve gone without wanting things basically since we got together, and maybe I’m being selfish but I want to want things, you know? I want to have a healthy savings account and a healthy rainy day account. I want to save for my college education. I want to be able to take N to the zoo and to the water parks and all those fun activities, I want to go camping and go on family trips and have money set aside for car repairs and anything else that may go wrong. I want to have work experience under my belt, actual work experience. I mean, I have work experience but it’s slightly hindered. I’ve mostly done contract work (so I’ve worked at a couple of months at a time). Before getting pregnant and becoming a mom, I was a student and therefore my main focus was school.

Matt seemed to like the daycare lady well enough, although I know he’s not exactly set on my plan. But while he’s in school, I don’t want to stress and worry about money. Because than he will stress and worry about money, and his school efforts might suffer.

I have a meeting with the job counsellor on Monday. I know it might take a couple of weeks for me to actually find a position that I can physically do and fits within what I want (a 9-5 desk job, Monday to Friday). I want my weekends so I can spend them with my boys. I want it local, so that I’m not driving 20 minutes or more each day to work.

I want a lot of things, so that’s where this job counsellor comes in. They’re good at finding you jobs that fit within what you’re looking for. It would be easier to land a job if I was available whenever and willing [correction; ABLE] to work any kind of job.

And to be honest? I’m also worried about putting N in daycare full-time. I’ve been here basically every day of his life (save for the times I needed operations or something). I’m sort of worried he won’t get enough to eat or drink, but I’m pretty sure a daycare lady who’s been doing daycare for 12 years knows the signs of when a kid is hungry or thirsty, right? Plus N is VERY good at making it clear he needs something. But still, my mama-bear personality is worried that he won’t like daycare.

But, I know daycare will be good for him. He’ll learn how to be around other kids, he’ll make friends and have a blast learning new things with those friends. School won’t be such an adjustment for him, because he will be in daycare (which is almost like school, you know…what with the other kids and the routine and all that jazz). I know that N will benefit from it. I will have a harder time with it than he will; I dislike being away from my little bug.

But still, it’s something that I know we’d all benefit from. Matt knows it too; which is why he isn’t really fighting me on it; he’s just making it clear that he doesn’t like the idea.

Now that I’m actually making daycare plans and job hunting, I don’t exactly like the idea of being a full-time working mom either. But it’s something that we have to do, if we ever want to get ahead.

So, we have the daycare lined up…now all I need to do is find that full-time job. Please keep your fingers crossed that something comes up soon!

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3 Comments

Filed under challenges, changes, family, fears, figuring it out, I don't know, insecurties, issues, just thoughts, life as I know it, mama musings, me me ME, Nolan, opinions, ranting, reflecting, this crazy train, what I'm feeling, worry wart, writing

3 responses to “{not really} in agreement

  1. i would kill to be a SAHM, but you’re absolutely right. you’re trying to build a solid future and you need the means to do so. matt’s job, although great, isn’t enough for EVERYTHING. a second income makes all the difference in the world. and it doesn’t HAVE to be forever…

    daycare is great for a child’s sociability, but i also worked in a daycare for three years, and i vowed to NEVER put my child into daycare. the younger they are, the better, but the minute my child hits grade school- they’re OUT of daycare if i can help it.

    i hope you find a good job- it’ll help you put some money into savings, buy the things you need, and move into an apartment with matt and nolan.

    you definitely know where your priorities are little lady.

    that’s impressive.

  2. i also forgot to mention that it’s awesome that matt wants to spoil you- and spoil you he SHOULD… but right now it’s in your best interest to save some money and get your lives in order. once you’re in your own place and money has been saved up and you know where you stand with your finances, matt will have an ENTIRE LIFETIME to spoil you…

    ps- i love the new header!

    xoxo

    • That’s my plan too; daycare until he’s in school. Matt does know that it’s in our best interest, he’s just pouting because he wants me to not have to work and he still wants to be able to spoil me, but he does realize that right now that’s not a possibility!

      And thank you! My friend JD (http://lfth.wordpress.com) made it for me lol. I loves it, and my kitty is also in it đŸ˜‰

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