a letter to my dad, on father’s day.

Dear Dad;

I’m thinking about you a lot today, on Father’s Day. I’m feeling the distance – especially on this day, as I felt it on Mother’s Day. I miss being around the corner from you all, but enough about that. I made my choice in moving here and I do love it – I just miss you all.

Anyways, as I was saying…I’m thinking of you, on Father’s Day. I’m thinking about all the things you have done for me, and all the things you have done for my little family too. You’ve helped us out a great deal in a time of need; a time of struggling and fighting to stay above water. You were there to help us up, help us out of that struggle, even though you could have just as easily said “I told you so” and let us find our own way out.

You’ve never left me hanging. You’ve always wanted to make things a little easier on me, and I appreciate that. You’ve always tried your hardest to instill a good work ethic and family values in all of your daughters. You know what? It did pay off. I work hard, every day, at this parenting gig and I know that when I land a job I will work equally hard at that. Work ethic is important, I’ve had you as a shining example of that my entire life. You need to work hard to get the things you want in life. Nothing is free. I value my family above all else, and I’d do anything for them; all lessons I learned from you and Mom.

As a child, I used to idolize you. You were an infallible man; a rock. I remember getting so excited every time you came home. You worked so hard to give us all the things we wanted and needed, and I always looked up to you and respected you and trusted your opinion. You made a lot of sacrifices for your family, for us, and you did years of back-breaking work and built us a home to live in from the ground up. Thank you for that, thank you for providing a safe haven and a comfortable childhood. None of us wanted to leave home, you know? Well, I know I didn’t…I guess I can’t really speak for the others but I know they missed it.

You never stopped believing in me, even after I made mistake after mistake with my life choices. The first time I dropped out of college, you shrugged and told me I’d go back. You had absolute faith in me. The second time, you still had faith in me; you still told me that I would go back one day, that I would be successful once I found my niche. You told me that sometimes, it takes a while to know what you want to do. With those words, you made me feel hope. I felt like a loser, a silly foolish loser. I knew my decision to quit school – for the second time – was the right one {although nobody but me understood why}, but I still felt like a total jerk for wasting more money and coming up empty-handed; for failing.

You’ve always believed in my writing, which is something I also really appreciate. You {and Mom} were the only people to read my horrid attempts and writing a novel when I was 15. You encouraged me all along the way, fueling my desire to be a published author with your support.

I hope you still believe in me, despite the fact that I have let you down a  lot these past few years in my attempts to find my way. I’ve done everything ass backwards, I’ve done all the things you didn’t want any of your daughters to do. I’m sorry for that, but I’m not sorry for how things have turned out for me. I’m happy, I have a beautiful son that amazes me every day and a loving husband-to-be who puts up with my crazy, fly on the seat of my pants attitude.

I suppose we’ve both disappointed each other over the past little while, but I’m a firm believer that nobody is perfect; we all make mistakes. I still hold you in high regard, even if I don’t always understand your actions or your reasons. I want you to be happy, I want us all to be happy. I wish we could all be happy the old way, but I understand that’s not possible. I accept that, because life isn’t always what you expect or plan for.

I still hold you in the highest of regards, I still think of you as trustworthy. I realize I have put you on a pedestal and relied far too much on you, because you were always there. I’m sorry for that; I hope you don’t think I was taking advantage of your kindness. I hope you don’t think that we put too much pressure on you to be perfect. Sometimes when we don’t know what to do, we run to the people who make us feel safe for advice. In the eyes of children, Daddy’s are always perfect.

Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate all that you’ve done, Dad, and I love you. You are still my hero, probably more so now that I’ve realized you aren’t perfect – none of us are, and that’s okay.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

Love always,

Jess

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7 Comments

Filed under adventures, family, figuring it out, just thoughts, letters, reflecting, telling stories, thankful, the good, uncensored, what I'm feeling

7 responses to “a letter to my dad, on father’s day.

  1. Emily

    I loved this and it brought tears to my eyes. You wrote many things I would say to my father as well (especially in the second half). But I don’t know if I could ever do it this beautifully.

  2. you brought tears to my eyes Jess… Happy Father’s day to your dad and Matt :)

  3. Tears! This was a beautiful letter.

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