15 months

I know I’ve been posting quite a bit over the past few days, despite the fact that things have been crazy and hectic around here, but it still feels like I haven’t really been posting, because I’ve mostly been writing lovely recounts of our beautiful wedding ~ which is super important and definitely had to be done immediately because I didn’t want to leave out any details, but still. I haven’t really had the time to write about all the other things going on in this crazy household…and I feel a bit bad for that, if that makes any sense at all.

As of July 23rd {our wedding day, in case you missed the boat}, Nolan is 15 months old. He looks taller and he’s lost even more of his baby chub. He’s looking more and more like a boy and less and less like a baby. Which, you know, is awesome but it kind of sucks at the same time. They really do grow up so fast! Today, Matt and I went to the mall with Nolan to pick up a belated wedding gift that had arrived at Sears. I couldn’t help but glance down at Nolan in his stroller and analyze just how big he looks in it. His feet dangle over the edge and practically touch the little foot railing. It’s insanity I tell you! Someone actually thought he was three years old the other day. No joke. We {as in Nolan, myself and housemate*} were waiting at Tip Top Tailors to pick up Matt’s tux refund {if you have a wedding party of 4 or more and everyone returns their tuxes, the groom gets refunded…HELLO AWESOME SAUCE**} and the clerk offered Nolan a super ugly tie at a discounted price, and Nolan gave him the most ridiculous look ever and the clerk laughed and said “See? Look at him, he’s only three and he knows how ugly these ties are!”

Um, what? Only THREE? Does he REALLY look three???

I suppose to the untrained, young clerk’s eye it could look like he’s three, but still. I don’t think my baby boy looks that old.

Anywho, so he looks more like a toddler, like a little boy, and less like my chubby baby. But I’m trying to come to terms with that, because whats the sense in fighting it? Getting older is a fact of life, and I must say I absolutely adore this stage! Nolan is listening more and trying to engage people in conversation {which at this point is still grunts/squeals/strange noises, but still…kodoos for trying}. He is learning this so quickly, and he absolutely LOVES reading time. I can’t tell you how many times he’s brought over one of his books and tossed it on my lap and pointed at it, clearly telling me to read the book. He listens the entire time, throwing in the odd “hmmm!” as if the Rainbow Fish book is THAT amazing and educational {and yeah, I suppose it is to him!}

So, I love this stage. I really do. I know he will always be my baby, no matter how big he gets.

In other news, today Matt {who was off due to horrible weather} and I had to take Nolan to get his 15 month shots. Not a great experience, yet again. I hate seeing him cry out in pain. Today was especially hard because he actually LOOKED at the huge long needle and his little blue eyes went wide with fear and he started to cry before the nurse even pricked him. And that made my heart ache, especially after coming to terms with the fact that Nolan has an MHE bump on his left forearm.

Yes, I’ve known since October 2009 that Nolan carries the Multiple Hereditary Exostoses gene, but the doctor told me that there was still a chance he wouldn’t display any signs of the disorder at all, and I foolishly held on to that, hoping with all of my heart – even believing – that Nolan would just carry the gene and that he wouldn’t have the extra bumps or need the surgeries to remove them when they interfered with his growth or caused him pain. And seeing him cry out  in pain over an immunization broke my heart, because this disorder means surgeries. Surgeries that are painful and uncomfortable and hard for a child to understand/ Surgeries that will test my strength in ways that my own surgeries have never tested. I have put on a brave face and always tried to see the positive side of this disorder, I have always known that it could be worse and while I still believe in trying to live that way, it’s going to be hard when the roles are reversed and I am the parent standing over my child in a hospital bed trying to help him get comfortable after a surgery.

But, I know, and there is no need to remind me…it could be worse. I know this, and I’m thankful that he just has this disorder. At least I know how to deal with this disorder. At least I know what to expect, although it will still be hard learning how to face it standing on this side…the parent’s side.

So, what will happen now? Nolan has a pediatric appointment August 3rd, and I will show Dr. C the bump on his arm, as well as the one on his leg that I think might be MHE related but I’m not entirely sure yet. I think it’s highly unlikely that Nolan will need surgery immediately for this bump, as he’s still so very young and the bump doesn’t seem to be hindering his growth or development in any way. We’ll probably still carry on the same every 6 month check ups to check on the bump {and any others, should they arise}. I don’t think he’ll need x-rays right now either, but we’ll see. So far, I think we’re good. It’s not on a joint, so that’s a bonus.

And me? I’ll try my hardest to come to terms with the fact that there is now officially no way of hiding behind the ‘well maybe he won’t get it’ front. He already has a bump at 15 months. I can still hope with all my heart that he doesn’t get MHE severely, and that he won’t need too many surgeries growing up, but I’m going to have to learn how to still have hope for this without setting myself up for disappointment, if that makes any sense.

So, yeah. Anyway, those are the Nolan related updates. Aside from being bummed out a bit about the bump {on my part}, we’ve been having a blast with this whole summer thing. We took Nolan to the beach on Sunday; and he hated the sand and the vastness of the lake. But there’s always next time, who knows? Maybe he’ll like it better. I’m also going to get him a membership at the YMCA! Can’t wait to take him swimming there; I know he will love it {he loves pools and swimming, just not lakes and sand…apparently}.

Truthfully? I feel better about writing out my fears/feelings on the whole bump-discovery thing. Having a blog IS really therapeutic. I know that, even though my worries are a tad bit silly {um hello, I have the disorder…I know it well, I know – I hope – I can give him the skills he needs to cope with it}, it’s good getting those feelings out there.

In other news: I’m enjoying married life, quite a bit. Tomorrow Nolan and I have some errands to run…we’re going to go to the bank so I can change my name etc, and HOPEFULLY talk to someone who can help me sort out this whole issue I’m having with a collection agency {I owe money to someone, somewhere and it’s in a collection agency that I can’t seem to track down to pay for the life of me. SIGH}, and then we get to go to the licencing place so I can change my driver’s license. And then I will officially be Mrs. Matt haha! Well, I mean, more officially than Facebook anyway…

It’s still surreal, but in a good way.


*aka the girl who is staying with us until August

**despite that awesome deal, I wouldn’t recommend Tip Top Tailors for wedding attire. Yes, the guys all looked fab in their tuxes…but if you look closely in some of the pictures, you’ll notice that one guy has a black tie {which is actually supposed to be PURPLE} and three of the guys didn’t get the canes they ordered. NOT to mention, my little brother-in-law’s tux wasn’t even ORDERED until Thursday {July 22nd}, when I called to check and see if it was in yet and they told me that it had never been ordered {which is bullshit because my MIL has the receipt that says it’s been ordered and would be in town for our July 23rd wedding}. They had to rush order Kody’s tux, and Tyler’s {Matt’s older brother} tux was 3 sizes too big, despite the fact that ALL of the guys were measured before hand. OH, and Kody’s shoe blew out, even though he wasn’t doing anything abnormal {unless they don’t expect you to dance or any of that in the shoes…}.



Filed under adventures, challenges, crazy mama, discoveries, family, fears, figuring it out, health/medical, I don't know, insecurties, issues, just thoughts, mama musings, MHE, Nolan, pictures, reflecting, the difficult, uncensored, updates, what I'm feeling, writing

12 responses to “15 months

  1. I’m so sorry Jess 😦
    It sucks a million fuck-buckets, but at least he has the perfect mother to guide him through this. ❤

  2. That is wonderful that Nolan loves books so much! I can’t believe that clerk thought he was 3! Yay for married life!

  3. I wanted to go back and comment on all your wedding pictures, but yeah…that would take ages. LOL Congrats to you guys! It was beautiful, you were beautiful and your guys were handsome. 🙂

  4. Ready for a super long comment? Set? Go!

    I love that Nolan loves books, and especially love the “Hmmmn!” he throws in. All of the little kids I know right now love being read to, and my goddaughter is just starting to really recognize words themselves. It’s so exciting! I hope that my future kids love reading as much as I do.

    I don’t think that Nolan looks as old as three, but you can definitely see him shedding the baby fat and becoming a toddler. He is so, so cute!

    And… Well, I don’t really want to say “sorry,” because I don’t want it to sound condescending. I am sorry that you and now Nolan have to deal with this, and I’m also sorry that you have to watch your little boy deal with it. BUT, I am so, so glad that he has you for a mom, because like you said, you know this disease inside and out, and you know how to be there for him, how to take care of him, and how to tell when different growths are forming. I know that your parents did the best they could — especially because you turned out to be an awesome person and friend, despite living with so much pain — but I’m sure it was quite scary being so unfamiliar with the disease.

    So, I guess I’m trying to say, look at it as something you can manage. (I really hate the term “manageable,” because it certainly doesn’t help when I’m in the middle of a flareup, but I hope that it’s coming across as comforting and not obnoxious.) I hope that you know it’s not your fault. I hope that you know that Nolan is one lucky little boy to have you as a mom. And I know that you know you can email or BBM me anytime, so please, don’t hesitate.


    • I also love the cute little “hmm” noise he makes…and that he loves his books. I definitely agree that he’s adorable!!!!

      And thank you, you’re right…of course. There is no one better suited than me to help him through this. I will bbm you soon!! xox

  5. In defense of that clerk, I never know how old kids are. I don’t spend any time around kids, so I have trouble distinguishing.

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