Balancing Act

I made it through this weekend; deep sigh of relief. Every time I know I have to work two split shifts in a row, I get a little anxious. Standing for long periods of time is not easy for me, and it actually takes a lot of concentration to do. I have to concentrate on not looking pained, and I can only really do that by concentrating on not paying attention to the pain and discomfort standing inflicts upon me. It’s sort of ironic to me, I know so many people who would literally want to slap me for complaining about my three-hour shifts, as they work 7 or 12 or more hour-long shifts. I always feel bad when I mention how tired/sore I am from working a 3 hour shift for that very reason; it’s only three hours.

So, we can all take a collective sigh of relief; I made it through this weekend. I’m very sore and tired, but I did it. And I can now carry three glasses in my hands! Before, I could only carry two {one in each hand} but now I can carry three in my right hand in one in my left hand. I spill a lot of the drinks as I walk {since I limp, and am definitely not fluid or graceful in my movements} but STILL. I can carry three coffee cups too {two in my right hand, one in my left – just like soft drink glasses}. Yay me!

My special board writing has also improved considerably! I used to be so nervous with getting up there to write out the daily specials that my writing would seriously suck and I’d be all sweaty and nervous and it was just stupid. Now, I get up there and don’t even care because so long as the customers can read it, I’ve done a good job. Tonight I even got experimental and drew a sun beside the ‘good morning‘ for the breakfast special.

Funny random work story: I was so tired by my last shift today {I worked 11-2 and 5-8 on Saturday and then 11-2 and 5-8 today} that my mind was definitely not working right. I greeted two customers, handed them menus and asked them “Can I get you guys something to eat?”

Now my blunder was this; I don’t handle the food. I am simply the greeter, the menu giver, the drink fetcher and the table clearer {among a million other things that I don’t need to list right now because they are irrelevant tasks}, and obviously if they were coming to a diner around supper time, they were planning on eating. Both of the customers starting laughing because hey, it was funny, and I quickly corrected myself and got their drink orders. Sam {the waitress I was working with} couldn’t stop laughing at me because my face was beet red.

I? Can be an idiot. I hate how I’ll trip over my words sometimes when I’m tired. I try too quickly to rush it out. I’m also horrible with eye contact, because when I make eye contact I generally do the whole stumble over words.

Despite how difficult it is for me to stand for [any] length of time, I really enjoy working at the diner. It’s fun, all of my co-workers are great, and I [generally] love the customers. Occasionally we do get some odd ones, but for the most part the people who walk in those doors are pretty awesome.

The only bummer part is that I work every weekend, and usually split shifts too. I do love my job, but I do dread the fear of not being able to make it through the weekend {which so far hasn’t happened, knock on wood} and the whole missing out on the only time off Matt gets from school. In a perfect world, weekends are reserved for fun family activities. But in our world, that isn’t and can’t be the case. Maybe it will be one day in a few years from now, but definitely not today. It really makes me dream even more so for that whimsical place.

Because of everything going on lately {disability issues, the both of us basically going on opposite schedules – him going to school while I stay home with Nolan, then him staying home with Nolan while I work, etc etc}, Matt and I have been fighting a little bit more than usual lately {um; we’re both Gemini’s. Enough said}, and that’s my fault. I always get super bitchy and mean when I’m stressed out, and it doesn’t help that I’ve been in extreme MHE related pain lately {and the whole working thing isn’t really helping with that either, but I digress; money is money my friends}. I’ve got to stop getting super bitchy and mean because we’re in this together. Trying to beat down my anxiety issues while we’re in this situation is tough. I can’t help but worry about every little thing. It’s tiresome for not only me but Matt as well. He doesn’t need to be constantly reminded about all the things that are not in our control right now that are stressing me out. He already knows, he already stresses about it and frankly? Me loosing my shit over it doesn’t help or solve or make any of it go away.

It’s time for me to put my big girl panties on and just suck it up. I need to stop being so negative, that’d help us out a lot. Negativity never helps any situation. We’re gonna do what we gotta do in order to get through the next two years, and if that means I need to suck up and kick my pain tolerance level into higher gear; so be it. {Although, I am super worried that I won’t be able to hold up my side of the bargain…if I need another surgery, that means no job…that means I don’t hold up my side of the bargain…}

But anyway; I’m going to stop freaking out about every little thing I can’t change, every little stresser in my life, and I’m going to stop getting all pissed off when Matt can’t read my mind. Because HELLO, totally irrational and pointless and not good-wifely behavior {or decent person behavior, for that matter}.

And also; I need to yell a lot less. Damn that hot-headed temper of mine. Better curb that shit soon!



Filed under #FAIL, adventures, challenges, changes, figuring it out, growing up, issues, just thoughts, lessons, life as I know it, linkage, mama musings, MHE, ranting, reflecting, self image, self improvement, the difficult, the random, this crazy train, tough stuff, uncensored, updates, what I'm feeling, worry wart, writing

13 responses to “Balancing Act

  1. Blaine

    Don’t worry about it ‘only being 3 hours’. You know what you can handle, and if it hurts you, it hurts you! People who don’t have MHE can push themselves to work for longer, but that doesn’t mean squat. I doubt anyone here will judge you for saying you are sore after your shifts. πŸ™‚

    Glad things are going great at the diner, and LMAO at your blunder. Sorry, but it’s hilarious. hahaha

    Women seem to need to talk out our concerns with other people. I do the same thing with Chris, and he’s a Virgo, I’m a Leo. He will already be stressed about something, but not say anything. I need to get it off my chest, try to talk it out, so I vent to him, which makes him go crazy. When I vent to a friend, I always feel better.

    Feel free to call me if you want. Although we haven’t yet had our first awkward conversation yet. πŸ˜‰

    • Blaine

      Also, if you need to have surgery, cross that bridge when you get to it. I can understand that you’d feel bad not ‘holding up your end’ but you have to do what you have to do! πŸ™‚

    • Yes, my blunder WAS hilarious, I kept laughing. I brought them their drinks and laughed while I told them the waitress would be there in a moment to take their food orders, and they laughed too. It probably wasn’t THAT funny but I laugh when I’m embarrassed or feel stupid/silly lmfao.

      I suppose it’s a good thing I have so many friends LMFAO. I have a lot of venting ;P And you’re right, we haven’t had our first awkward convo yet. What cha doing right now? Do you have Skype lmfao?! I’m not showered or dressed for the day, but that will just add to the awesome awkward conversation lmfao.

      • Blaine

        I would have found it hilarious, if I was the customer, and you know what? You probably made their night, and they might remember you for a long time. πŸ˜‰ Or even tell that story to their grandkids, you never know. hehehe

        Blogs are kind of meant for venting. Positive and negative. πŸ™‚ Shit happens, it’s in our nature to share the details, so… yeah.

        I have no idea what time you sent that at, if it’s your time zone or mine, but I’m replying at 5:30 p.m. mountain time, and I’m hoping by now you’ve at least gotten dressed. lol

        I do have Skype. I can’t remember my login though. I think it’s just my name. hahaha It’s been forever. πŸ™‚

  2. tierney

    Everyone is at a different place at a different time. What you can handle varies considerably from what the person next to you can handle. Everyone who reads you is/should be aware of your MHE and struggle with pain so rest assured, no one is judging you based on the hours you’re able to work. With all of my back surgeries I’m unable to work long shifts, can hardly bend, or even carry things ..waiting tables is definitly out of the question! I completly understand that feeling you get when you think people are judging you based on how you’re working. I’m my case, I let my co-workers know about my back so that they don’t even have a second to judge my work habits and are instead understanding & helpful. You’ll get through this period & hopefully by working more and training your body your pain will minimize as you get stronger!

    • I always feel safe writing about my pain struggles here, because everyone knows. In real life, because I “look” so normal, I have to remind people of my limitations.

      I’m really hoping that by training my body the pain will minimize and I will be stronger. That’s what I’m working {hard} on!!

  3. You can try working from home as an order taker:

    You have to pay for the training, but then you don’t get offered the training unless they want you to work for them. Like, you’d have to bomb it completely in order not to get the job. The pay is above $10/hr. You also would need to get a headset to plug into your computer.

  4. Never mistake tired mommy working hard to help support her family with the word “idiot”. YOU are not an idiot. πŸ™‚ And that story about work was adorable.

  5. everyone has their own difficulties in the work place- where you have strengths, others have weaknesses, and vice versa. you shouldn’t feel bad for feeling a certain way after a three hour shift, your situation is unique and everyone copes differently.

    i’m glad you’re liking the job, though! and keep up the good work!


  6. I think you’re doing an awesome job!!
    Oh – basically, what Poppy said. πŸ™‚

  7. Vicky

    I have fibromyalgia, so I understand what you mean that you working the 3 hours it tough and for you it feels the same as another person working 8. Somedays, a day at work (office job) wears me completely out. And it frustrates me that if you complain people say, but you have a cushy office job, think of the people on their feet all day, or working outside. Everyone naturally has a different level of what they can do, and when you add a chronic illness to it, it just makes that level so much less.

    Its taken a while to grow a tough skin to ignore the comments. The people that love me, know the problem and understand. The ones that don’t can go F themselves.

    Just do the best you can. That is all you can do. You’re doing a hell of a lot better than I could!

  8. I’m catching up on your blog and read a few posts — sorry I’m only commenting on one!

    I love the apartment! It looks like a really nice place.

    I’m sorry you’re so tired and in so much pain. I had a bad pain day yesterday and last night. It’s no fun. I’m really glad your shifts are split; I’m sure it would be a lot worse if you had to work straight through. Don’t feel guilty or like less of a worker; you’re doing your part, and are working to your capability. Everyone is different!

    And… my brain just forgot everything else I was going to say. <333

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s