I feel blessed and lucky to be able to stay home with Nolan. Working right now isn’t exactly an option (not when day care costs basically eat up all the “extra” money I would make), so I’ve had the pleasure of being a stay at home mom since Nolan was born. Sure, I’ve worked a few part-time jobs (and still babysit on occasion), but for the most part I get to spend my days with this beautiful, busy bundle of joy.
Watching him learn and grow – helping him learn and grow – has been an amazing experience that I relish in. I love that he can say a few sentences now, and while they aren’t perfectly pronounced and I’m sure nobody but Matt and I understand him, it’s a wonder being able to communicate with him.
(Although, let’s be real here…Nolan has always had his own way of communicate. Example: grunting/screaming/squealing whilst pointing at the object he wants…but I much prefer the talking, even if it is in “his own language” – it’s a language I can understand, and it’s one that doesn’t make my ears bleed. Like the screaming. Which still, on occasion, happens – like today, after lunch).
Anyways, I’ve enjoyed the past 18 – nearly 19 – months of staying at home with him, watching him grow and discover. If we get bored, we go out. This town has way more things to do than our old home town did, and the EYC here is amazing. Nolan loves it and I love it. So yeah, there’s always something to do…and with out backyard? There’s always the option of going outside! (Unless the weather is bad). If all else fails, there’s the mall for some people watching and window shopping. There’s books to read, games to play…it’s fun being a stay at home mom. Yes, there are moments when I wish I could take a break – like this afternoon, when Nolan started screaming for no reason other than he likes the sound his voice makes and thinks it’s funny, so now my brain hurts. But, for the most part? I’m glad I get to stay at home with him. I’m thankful for all the days I get to spend, watching each and every one of his firsts.
And I know, I’ve been longing to go back to school and been considering getting another job – but the cool thing is….I don’t have to rush my decision. Either way, I have plenty of time to decide what it is I want to do and when it is I’m going to do it. Right now, the important things that I am focusing are consist of making my little man’s (and my husband’s!) days full of love, laughter, and learning, and helping Matt reach the goals he’s set for himself and our family.
I’m in no rush, I’m perfectly content in what I’m doing….
Because what I’m doing is important and it is a career and it is a job – one that I love very, very much…
And I know that when I decide to go back to school, I will do amazing. I know that I will never stop reaching for my goals, even if they seem out of reach or too high…I could always take a cue from that boy, and climb on a wooden chair and reach a little further.
Sometimes, I need a reminder that what I’m doing is good enough for me, because it is, I just sometimes lose sight of that because I get so overwhelmed and wrapped up in the you must have an education and a job in order to succeed mind-frame that I don’t feel as if I am succeeding, when I am doing just that – succeeding.
These are the most important days of his life, these early days, and I’m glad I’m here to share them with him.
(And to take some wickedly awesome photos along the way).
Talking to my dad this afternoon seemed to cure some of the anxiety and pressure I was feeling and placing on myself to make a decision, now about my future in terms of careers. His faith in me made me realize that I don’t have to freak out about it and worry about it right now. I’m making enquiries, I’m considering my options. I need to worry about my health, and then I can make a decision.
I’ve got the ball rolling, but within control. I’m not going to go nuts trying to figure this out when I don’t have to. Not right now. There is still plenty of time.
And I’m doing good things here, in the now, being a stay at home mom.
So I’m not going to let myself feel like if I don’t figure that stuff out right now, I’ll never go back to school – because I know that I will. If not this year, then next year. If not next year, then the following year. You can count on it.
But for the time being, I’m just going to enjoy this.