It’s startling how quickly my little man is growing. Over night, he seems so much taller and just more child-like, less baby-like. It hit me this morning like a ton of bricks just how much he’s grown over the past little while. He fills the booster seat most comfortably, his little legs dangling over the edge of the oak chair. And his expressions are identical to those of his father’s. I love just how much he looks like Matt, how he smiles like him.
I love that he still sucks/chews on his tongue…all the time. For comfort, when he’s tired, as he falls asleep, when he first wakes up, when he’s bored, when he’s waiting. He’s been doing that since he was just a tiny wee babe, barely able to lift his own head. I love that he still does it. I know it would be silly to see a grown man sucking/chewing on his own tongue, but is it wrong for me to say I hope he doesn’t ever grow out of it? (I know, I’ll probably regret those words when he’s 35 and living in my basement…HAHA! As if!).
There are other things that he does that make my heart melt. That monkey on his crib bumper is in his “favourite corner”, he falls asleep every night sucking/chewing his tongue, cuddling with the giraffe and Kevin the bear, and petting this monkey – which is why it’s so worn. I love it. It gives me a slight reminder that he hasn’t completely left his infant years, not yet anyway.
Then there is his ability to destroy his room when I leave him alone for five minutes to switch a load of laundry or make a tree. The boy is hulk-like, and can move his furniture around (well, the lighter ones anyway). When I peer in and see the attempts at rearranging his room, he always gives me the same look: what ma? It wasn’t ME!
He climbs like crazy; to reach things, or to look out the bay window. He’s still a little too short to look out the bay window by himself, so he always drags his wooden chair over and stands on it so he can watch the cars drive by. I’ll be right there, behind him, listening to him point at them all and say CAAA with such excitement. He is resourceful and it blows me away.
He’s better than I expected with the Christmas tree, I expected him to rip all the ornaments off and push the whole thing over. I guess the solution to worrying is to assume the worst is going to happen, then you’re so much happier with what actually happens. He stares at it nonstop, and chatters away about the “massmass teee”. Then he’ll get this look in his eyes, and slowly creep towards it, ignoring me when I say “don’t touch the tree Nolan!” He’ll tentatively reach a little hand out and gently tap the ornaments. I’ll repeat; “please don’t touch the tree Nolan, it’s not a toy” and he’ll toss me a look over his shoulder that says I CAN’T HELP IT MOM! and do it again. Then he’ll race over to his time out chair and sit down, because he knows he’s not supposed to touch the tree but he just can’t help it. He’s like his father that way. If there was a red button that would do something super horrible, Matt would push it because he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. Nolan has to see how everything works, how everything feels. When we go to family or friends’ houses, and if they have an area rug or carpet, he has to inspect it and touch the different textures. Matt was the same way when he was little.
All these little things are so humbling and beautiful. Watching him grow into a beautiful boy is such a wonderful experience, I couldn’t ask for a better “job” than this. This isn’t work, this is a daily reminder about how precious and beautiful life is. Sure, there are some days where I’ve reached my limit with an uncooperative toddler, and I just want to escape for a bit. But my five-minute breaks in the kitchen with a cup of hot tea really help, mostly because I get to sit here and watch him play. He is enthralled with the world around him, as I am with him.
I love watching him experience this world; it’s so beautiful through his eyes. I love that we’re going to be able to give him everything he needs, and more. He is the light that keeps our drive to do better for ourselves and him burning strong, he is the inspiration and our muse.
It’s a beautiful life ❤
How did I get so lucky?