I’ve had one hell of a rollercoaster day. I can’t believe how up and down my emotions have been today; I’ve had so many meltdowns, I put a three-year old to shame. Today was just not my day. It started off terrible, and (excluding the several smiles my sweet boy coaxed out of me and the joy he brings on the daily, no matter what) it sort of ended terrible, with me wallowing in a pool of self-pity after my husband went out for his regular Thursday hang out with his college friends, until I made the conscious effort to at least try and snap out of it. It’s not as if he went out to personally snub me; I told him to go out. I know he goes out on Thursdays. Thursdays = pool night. So…what the hell self?
But frankly, I’ve been pretty damn ridiculous all day.
Seriously, who invented hormones??? (***And before you ask, NO I am not pregnant. I know that’s the first assumption many people make upon hearing the words “hormones” and “crazy”. hah.***)
Anyways, so I was sitting on the couch feeling all sad and sorry for myself when I realized that I don’t have any reason to feel sad or sorry for myself. I have a wonderful husband who loves me (despite the “moods” I can sometimes get into..Ahem), I have a beautiful and healthy little boy that brings me such joy every single day, and I get to spend every single day with him. I am lucky that our situation still allows for me to be a stay at home mama. I am fortunate that my husband and I are making giant leaps and strides forward to a better future for our family. In essence: I have it made.
I know that I sometimes complain about not getting to go out often or socialize with people often, but honestly? I have opportunities. There is almost always something going on at the EYC, I have friends who live locally with children in and around Nolan’s age group. I have friends who don’t have kids but still are awesome people to hang out with.
I know that lately, I haven’t really been taking advantage of those opportunities. I’ve felt like a hermit, wanting only to stay in my house. I blame part of this on the weather. Driving in the snow seriously makes me anxious: plus there’s all that work that goes into an outing. You have to go out in the freezing cold and start the car, scrap all the snow off and wait for it to heat up. And while you’re doing that (although I wait until Nolan is buckled in his seat safely to scrap the snow off the car) your toddler somehow gets into trouble in the 2.5 seconds you’re gone…
It’s just a headache.
BUT. I have opportunities to get out, I have opportunities to keep busy.
And guess what? I’m going to start taking advantage of them more. I think part of my issue [with myself] lately is that we no longer have a schedule to stick to. Before my moods hit me, we got out of the house several times a week, and at the very least Tuesday for coffee group and Friday for play group. More structure in our routine will do us both a world of good. The answer is so simple, and I know it’s true…so why do I let myself withdraw?
So, here’s our new “schedule”:
Mondays: EYC play group, 9:00am-11:30am
Tuesdays: Coffee Group, 9:30am-11:30am
Wednesdays: EYC play group, 9:00am-11:30am
Thursdays: Improv days! Be it a lazy morning in with errands in the afternoon, or a play day. Whatever we choose to do!
Fridays: EYC play group, 9:00am-11:30am
The best part about our schedule is that even if I have the girls, it’ll still work! J gets on her bus at 8:10 am, so there is still plenty of time to take Nolan and T to wherever we’re going that day 🙂
I have the girls tomorrow, and I would so love to start our schedule but Matt is going to take our car in to get our winter tires on. It’s something I need to do before I can feel 100% comfortable driving around in the snow. So tomorrow, I will make T’s day (and Nolan’s too!) by baking chocolate chip cookies with them both 🙂 I am nervous to try this with Nolan under foot, but he’s expressed such an interest with helping me in the kitchen that I don’t want to wait until he’s asleep.
I’m not sure when I will have the girls next (since my husband, Nolan and I are taking off to visit family for a week), but I know the EYC will still be there when we get back!
I feel much better now that I have a game plan to get myself up and going, and to get Nolan up and going too! 🙂
I guess sometimes, I just need to sit down, swallow a huge chill pill and realize that I’m making mountains out of ant hills.
And now: here is a video of Nolan (and me, I guess) from a couple of days ago (I know, I promised I’d be more “on the ball” about uploading videos…sigh):
I apologize for my voice…but I wanted to share how adorable conversations with Nolan are!
And this video from today (that finally finished uploading and processing):
I just LOVE how he grabs his nose when I ask him where it is, then he’ll immediately grab mine! He’s usually pretty on the ball about touching his head/cheek when I ask, but today I was asking him while on video and he could see himself so that threw him off a little!!!
Also; you’ll notice a little bit more pink around here! I decided I needed a bit of a blog makeover, a little uplifting colour to make things less boring around here! I love the idea of a scrapbooking theme, so I went with it! I tried to make my header all snazzy and pretty, but I’m not as talented with graphics as Mandy and JD are. I do my headers up using the Picnik website. But, despite that…I think it turned out pretty well!! I love those pictures, especially that one of Matt!
Annnnd, I’ve been debating on making my blog “public” to all of the people on my Facebook (as in, adding it to my profile page, or making a page for this blog). What makes me nervous is having everyone read it. It brings me back to feeling like it’s the first day of high school and everyone’s judging me…how silly is that?
I’ve come a long way since my high school days (see any archives prior to June 2007), but I still feel like a dork for taking this whole blogging thing so seriously. AND I’M NOT SAYING YOU GUYS ARE DORKS! I’M NOT A DORK EITHER, RIGHT?!?
But this is my place; my unedited thoughts and writings (er, unless you count spell check…in which case, it’s all edited). I come here, at times, completely emotional and I spill. So, I’m apprehensive. I’m not ashamed of my blogging, I’m just apprehensive of the reaction my words might cause in other people…if that makes sense? I suppose you could say that I am vulnerable in this state.
I’ve been blogging since December 2005, and I’ve kept this site basically hidden from most of my family and friends. I am a closet blogger. How crazy is that?
So, poll: should I or shouldn’t I come out of the closet with this blog?