On Planning

I’ve been longing for home, for the town we used to live in before our great move up North. I didn’t grow up in that town, but I went there often as a young teen because that town had the closest movie theater. My dad and two of my sisters’ live in that town, so does Matt’s mom, step dad and his youngest brother.

That town is closer to basically all my friends.

So, that town has tons of appeal to me.

But…to give this Northern town some credit…I do love it here too. I love our charming little apartment, I love that we’re a stones throw away from the mall, the grocery store, and a Zellers that will one day be a TARGET! Matt has family here, and I do love hanging out with his brother and sister-in-law. Matt also has tons of friends, since he did live here for all of his high school days. I’ve made several friends too.

Matt and I talk regularly about what we’re going to do come this August, when he graduates from his program. After spending Christmas down South, we decided that we wanted to move back for a while, until we figure out where we want to be permanently. He knows that I want to be closer to my dad and my sisters, and he does have friends in that town too.

However…Matt already has a job in a welding shop, and he’s been offered a permanent full-time position when he graduates this August. He’ll make a pretty penny, too, with the raise his boss offered him {upon completion of his program}. So our plans to move back to Southern Ontario have quite possibly been put on hold. This job will be great, especially to have until Matt can get into a union down in Southern Ontario {which is what he wants}.

It just sucks, because I miss my family and friends from back home so much. And I know that everybody, including my dad, is eager for us to go back. And we thought we were, but now…we’re not so sure.

Northern Ontario is being super good to us, and it just sucks that Southern Ontario can’t be that great. Matt will have tons of experience, which will probably make it easier for him to apply and get into unions in Southern Ontario…but who knows how long it will take him to actually get into a union?

So, as it stands right now…our plan is to stay in this town until Matt can get on with a union down South.

This whole topic reminds me of a conversation that Matt and I had last night. Apparently, I drive him a little crazy sometime with my need to plan out every single move for the next 5 years. I can’t help it though, I spent so much of my life not knowing what the plan was going to be or how it was all going to work out that I just can’t not plan things. I have to know. Even if he isn’t graduating until August, I need to know what our next move is.

I’m insane like that. Am I alone? Or do you have to plan out every detail too? I’d love to hear some “no Jess, you’re totally not alone – we do that too!” comments because Matt thinks I’m totally obsessive about planning.

And, maybe I am. I do have to have things a certain way, and if things don’t go the way I plan I sort of sulk and stomp my feet about it. Unless they happen to go way better than I planned, then I’m okay with it. But if it’s worse than what I expected? OH BOY.

So, anyway, I am happy that Matt already has a job offer {and a job} in his field. I am excited for August to come {and go} so he can be done with school and we can finally start living again. Not that we haven’t been living right now, but…you know what I mean! I am still longing for home, to be close to my siblings, but in the very least we will be able to make way more trips down south to visit everyone. Still, it’s a temporary solution for the longing I’ve been feeling; the longing to be 5 minutes away from my sisters and dad, and friends of course.

Nobody told me making decisions like this would be so damn difficult. There are ties here, and there are ties there. We want to be in both places, surrounded by ALL our family and friends, but that’s just not possible.

I guess we’ll just see how everything pans out.

{I’m twitching, right now…just so you know. I hate “waiting to see” how things are going to go. I need to KNOW damnit!}



Filed under challenges, changes, family, figuring it out, I don't know, just thoughts, new stuff, plans & such, reflecting, thankful, the random, this crazy train, tidbits, um what?, updates, what I'm feeling, writing

22 responses to “On Planning

  1. Dude, it SUCKS being away from everyone. I’ve been here a year now and it’s still SO hard to make friends. Bah.

    I try to plan but not get my heart set on anything. Like i thought after our lease with this apartment was up (in December) that we’d be making enough money to buy a condo/rent a better apartment in Portland. But things didn’t quite work out that way and I admit I was a little crushed. So we renewed our lease and this year is looking better but I am not getting hopes up about anything until it looks like it will actually happen.

  2. I totally get how you’re feeling. I applied for Grad School in the US a month and a half ago and now I’m waiting until late February or March so I know where I got in and where we’ll be moving in July. I’m really excited about it, but I know I’m going to miss everyone so it’s hard at the same time!!

    • That would drive me CRAZY! Big props to you for staying so chill!!! Hopefully you move close to the Canadian boarder 😉

      • Hm, I think the closest school to the Canadian border in my application list is Northwestern (Chicago). But I love Canada! Granted, I’ve only been there twice – once in Vancouver and another one Toronto and it was awesome. One of the things I’d like to do while living in the US is taking short trips to get to know it better, so hopefully we’ll be able to do that. And yes, the wait is killing me. I thought I was doing well but since New Year’s I’ve been obsessed with getting my admissions decisions.

      • Hopefully they will give you those answers sooner rather than later!!! And you should totally do a trip to T.O and we’ll meet up! ❤ Maybe I'll make you help me with some home reno stuff 😉 if our landlord permits it haha

      • That would be awesome! To meet up, I mean. One of the reasons I’m really nervous about getting the decisions is the stipends… we’ll be living off my income alone for quite a while, so a stipend is a must or otherwise we won’t be able to go. Most students get funded so hopefully it’ll work out!

      • Oh I hear you 😦 Matt’s also a student, it’s hard!!
        But it would be lovely to meet up lol!

  3. I’m kind of the same way. Right now my husband is either reclassing (changing his job with the Army) OR we’ll be picking where we want to move next when he reenlists. I can’t even tell you how hard it is to not know which way we’ll be going. And then we are limited by his MOS (job) on where we can go. And if he does reclass he’ll be gone for weeks/months training for the new job and then we’ll probably up and move, but no clue where until they tell us.

  4. I understand how you feel about wanting to have a plan. I also know how you feel about wanting to close to family. I am so grateful that Wil and I live upstairs from my parents.

    That’s great that he’s been offered a permanent job at the welding place. That is huge! You guys will figure it out!

  5. I like to have a plan, too. It makes me feel more secure. I’ve been wanting to share my plan for a while… but I’m still not sure about it.

    I can’t even imagine having a child; I think my planning would go into overdrive, because I’d want to make sure that s/he was secure.

    I’m kind of in a play-it-by-ear mode, which I kind of hate because I want to move forward, but for now, it is what it is. Hang in there. Things are going really well for you guys, and I’m sure it’ll work out. *hugs*

    • I don’t like sharing some of our plans either LOL! you’re not alone.

      Having a child is DEFINITELY difficult if your a planner, because NOTHING ever goes according to plan. Sigh.

      Thanks sweets! I’m sure everything will work out for you too, and in five years we’ll FINALLY met up ❤

      P.S. Move to Canada! We have beavers? haha

      • Beavers are cute. But your winters are colder than the ones we have in Connecticut! Don’t you like me better thawed out and un-icicle-y? 😀 I definitely want to visit, though. (You know, in the summer.)

        I can’t wait to have kids. I think I could learn a lot. Or I’d be overbearing and annoying. My poor future kids!

        Things will work out for us, because we’re awesome. (See how that logic works?)

  6. Pingback: Sunday Brunch | The Bottle Chronicles

  7. Mia

    I am 150% a planner. Guilty to the max. I, too, have gotten the “you’re obsessive about planning everything out” speech from the hubby. But to me I see planning as a way to not only know where you are going and what you are doing but to also know where you are headed and how. Planning makes everything more effective. Or so I think. It is one of the biggest things that take up my day and life: planning. I am planning what we are going to do for Hayden’s birthday, researching toys I want to put on his birthday list and his birthday’s at the end of May. I am planning what we are going to do about getting David a career instead of just a job. I plan everything to be it is a good thing. In school we were always taught that you can have a goal but your isn’t anything unless you develop a plan of how you’re going to achieve your goal.

    • We are just two peas in a pod! LOL!
      I SO agree with you, you can have a goal but your goal isn’t anything unless you develop a plan of how you’re going to achieve your goal …definitely need to print that out and put it in Matt’s face!

      Goals really DO make things effective! ❤

  8. i am the EXACT same way when it comes to planning.

    especially with the move now… i couldn’t handle not deciding on an apartment, or not knowing which of my furniture will be able to come with us. i hate not knowing when we get the keys, or which moving company i’ll be going with, or who will help us paint. i hate that i don’t have all the paint yet, or all the shelves and extra furniture we’ll need.

    even with little things- when i’m making plans i like to know when people are on their way, or when they’re gonna be there, or what we have planned for the evening… etc. not that i don’t like doing stuff on a whim- cause that’s even better. but when i know something’s going to happen i need the details. it’s super annoying. especially because dan is the polar opposite. he’s so easy going.

    anyway, whatever you choose to do, and whenever you decide to do it, it will be what’s best for you and your family. i personally want you to move closer to me, but i’m selfish like that 😉

    everything will work out just like it’s supposed to, no worries 🙂

    • I am THE SAME way with moving. Arg. This time around, we didn’t have permission to paint {waah} so that took SOME of the pressure off. I so wish we could paint our space!!!

      I am ALSO the same with day-to-day plans. I drive Matt nuts because I’m always on my tippy toes, anxiously waiting on people and if they’re late I get even MORE anxious lol.

      We’d either move closer to Ottawa or closer to Toronto, for Sick Kids. Although I suppose 3 day mini vacations wouldn’t be all that bad…

  9. Jess,

    For the first 10 months of our marriage, I was exactly like you are now in regard to the planning every. little. thing.

    I guess that’s what happens when you’ve had trauma in your life, been at loose ends for too long with some things, and blah blah… a wide variety of reasons.


    Then Noel & I made the decision to move an hour away from home, away from everyone we loved and start our own life. It’s been challenging in so many ways. Like being “the new kid” in our church and social activities, learning my way around our city of 15,000 (we came from a town of about 3,500!), and so on. Absolutely everything about this move – including our finances – was up in the air.

    I had to learn how to have faith.

    Slowly, but surely, I have been learning that even when things aren’t completely planned out and every detail is perfect and I know exactly what to expect and when… it’s still going to be okay. Because, come hell or high water, my husband is right by my side and we will get through everything TOGETHER. I can lean on him and depend on him to guide us and take care of our family.

    It’s been quite the journey, I tell ya!

    But now? He’s the Director of Maintenance at the local, Long Term Care Facility AND we started our own outdoor services business. I’m working a part-time, flexible job doing physicals for insurance companies while still going to school full-time. We have a broad circle of friends so there’s never a shortage of social activities and people to have over to entertain when we have the time. SO many good things have come from just… letting go.

    I can’t begin to tell you all of it, but I will say this: Matt? Is a lot like Noel in some ways (at least from what I can tell in the two years I’ve been reading your blog). And as you become comfortable in your role as wife, helpmeet, homemaker, soon-to-be college student, AND resident of [name of whatever town up north you live in], as well as, going through more obstacles and hurdles with Matt… you’re going to get better about letting go and trusting him to make the right decisions for your family (with your input, of course).

    Hang in there is all I’m saying… it does get easier!

    (Disclaimer: I know you guys have been through a lot and I’m not saying you’re not comfortable to a certain extent in all your roles/titles you carry, but some things just take time. I/we are still a work in progress and growing… the day I/we stop is the day I’ll start worrying lol).

    • LOL @ the “disclaimer” note hehe. You’re right, on a lot of the points you made! I do believe that whatever we end up doing will be the best for our family, but it’s the in between anxiety when I feel like I’m letting multiple people down. Sigh.

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