Category Archives: bitchin’ and moanin’

Attention Asshat Drivers: Stop Taking Risks

I don’t know what it is about snow storms that bring out total douchebags on the road, but I’m tired for it. I’m longing for spring – but I know that spring doesn’t grantee douchebag free roads. But still. Winter makes it worse. Especially because the douchebags drive like there isn’t tons of slippery snow and ice on the asphalt.

This evening, I was backing out of my driveway to drive Britt and Serena home. My driveway is at the bottom of a hill on a well traveled road, but I assure you I checked and double checked before backing out. I was about a quarter of the way finished backing out when some asshat appears at the top of the hill, driving towards us. Clearly, I’m backing out of my driveway. My car is pretty damn noticeable, and the dude had plenty of time to slow the fuck down. But guess what? He didn’t. He nearly smashed into me and was on my ass so much so that I had to honk at him to show my annoyance {even though he was behind me…but I’m pretty sure he knew who I was honking at}, and when I was straightening out he decided to try and get around me. With another car coming in the opposite direction. Which caused me to nearly drive into the ditch. When I laid my hand on the horn he {or she} stopped trying to get around and I was able to straighten out and drive forward but I was not comfortable at all, since this idiot put us in danger countless times within 1 minute AND continued to ride my ass.

To the driver of that car: What. The. Fuck. You asshole prick! I had two babies in my car! TWO. And another one on the way! I’m sorry that slowing down and allowing me to completely back out of my driveway without harrassing my back end would waste so much of your precious time, but guess what’s more precious than your time? Our lives. All of ours, even your douchebag life. But most importantly: those babies lives are more important than your “inconvenience” of having to slow down {which, I might add…YOU DIDN’T. AT ALL}.

I am so tired of sharing the roads with risk takers. People who just “don’t have the time” to slow the hell down and drive safely. People who don’t let others have the right of way when they rightfully have it. People who speed through four way stops because stopping is just such a drag.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve almost been in an accident due to somebody’s stupid dick moves on the road. Honestly? I’m a good driver. I’m careful, but I’m not a turtle. I don’t endanger people by driving too slow and I don’t endanger people by driving too fast. I am cautious and I react well {for the most part}. I drive for the weather conditions. I don’t cut people off, or steal their right away. I drive like I’m carrying precious cargo because I am. My baby – ok, I guess I should say babies -are the most important people in my life, and I’m tired of douchebags putting our lives in danger because they’re taking stupid risks.

I really hope that this post reaches out to at least one douchebag driver out there, and makes them think twice before taking stupid risks. Remember: it’s not just your life you’re risking, you’re risking the lives of other people too, the lives of kids and babies. So slow the fuck down and chill out. Drive with caution and care of everyone else on the road as well as yourself, and don’t take risks. Don’t endanger other people, and don’t endanger my babies or my friends babies, don’t endanger my nieces and nephews.

That’s all, thanks.

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Bad Mood Bear

I am in a bad mood today. I’m stressed, anxious, and exhausted. I’ve had far too many late nights over the past little while and needless to say…they’ve caught up with me! Today has kicked my ass and then some, and despite my nap this afternoon I’m still dragging ass and grouchy.

I barely got any sleep last night, between Nolan’s sleep crying and my back. My back was causing me murderous pain, probably because of the way I was sitting during our evening TV watching. So from 2am-3am, I tossed and turned and whined. I ditched my pillow even. Finally I fell asleep, but it was NOT peaceful.

Then my morning started off with the walk-in-clinic “re-dial” game. I wanted to book an appointment for myself and Nolan. The walk-in-clinic we usually go to opens at 1pm and at 9pm you can call and book an appointment for that day. Monday mornings are always rat races, I played the “re-dial” game for literally half an hour. When I finally got through, I tried to book an appointment. I gave the receptionist my name and she instantly interrupted me.

“You owe us for a foot clinic you missed in May. We won’t be able to see you until you pay the $70 charge.” this was said in an icy, short tone {after I was interrupted}.

“Ok…but I don’t have $70 today…” was my response, because I don’t. I was about to ask if I could still be seen with a promise to pay this Friday, but didn’t get far at all because I was again cut off.

“We won’t be seeing you until you pay the $70 charge”.

Ok then.

I was deeply irritated because this foot clinic thing is bogus. I signed up for it, yes, but I never received a call. {Who knows, maybe I did but at the time we were living with Matt’s dad & step-mom, I often didn’t get calls}. I guess I just forgot and assumed they weren’t doing it since I never got the call.

And to me, $70 seems VERY excessive for a missed foot clinic appointment, and the receptionist shouldn’t have had a bitchy tone with me. You catch more bees with honey, not vinegar.

Obviously I’m going to pay this fine, despite the fact that I think its WAY too much for a missed appointment AND despite the fact that they never clarified that “missing” their foot clinic would result in a fee. But I’m still mad about it.

So that put me in a foul mood from the get go. Mostly because I’m feeling insanely guilty for the amount of unnecessary I spent in the last month that shouldn’t have been spent. The tattoo, my hairdo, the three times I went out for lunch with Nolan, the pizza we didn’t have to order, and the 26er of vodka I didn’t need to buy are all weighing heavily on my mind. The fact that we’re tapped until Friday because I slipped up so much also weighs heavily on my conscious.

Throughout it all, Matt isn’t angry with me. Despite the fact if the tables were turned *I* would undoubtedly be infuriated with him. But I don’t let him make mistakes like that, so why do I let myself?

I’m just having one of those days where I need to pout and feel sorry for myself just because I know I screwed up. I know I should have been smarter about our money. I really don’t think I’m to blame for the whole missed foot clinic thing, but I also don’t think they’re entirely too blame either. It just sucks. Especially since I’ve been in several times since May with Nolan and they never once mentioned this fee to me. Or it would have been paid by now {because I usually don’t suck THIS much with our money}.

I still have another four hours to get through before I can fall into bed and call it a night.

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I’m Bored. Again.

I’m bored with this blog, again. It just feels…blah. I don’t know what to do in order to bring it back alive. I’m too lazy to re-do the whole look ~ besides, I like the look. I’m pretty sure it’s just me. My writing feels dry and boring lately. Sorry for that.

There’s a lot of stuff that I’d love to write about, but I feel like I can’t. I have fears that writing these stories would open myself up to opinions and feedback that I frankly don’t want. So I remain hush hush about it, and reframe from writing. About that, anyway.

Winter is boring, and in turn I feel boring. We haven’t gone on any great adventures, we haven’t done anything miraculously fun. We mostly stay home, because it’s too bloody cold to go anywhere fun. Sure, there’s the mall, but it’s totally depressing when you go and don’t buy anything because it’s not in your budget and we’re on a saving rampage, so what’s the point? Our mall doesn’t even have a fun playground, or even a photobooth to waste time in. It’s just stores and a food court. Oh joy.

I long for spring, so that we can go to the park and actually do something fun. I’m totally dying here of cabin fever and boredom and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’d love to be able to jet down to visit family for a bit and just have a change of scenery, but Matt’s in school 5 days a week and I work 4 days a week. My only day off is Wednesday, smack dab in the middle of the week. I suppose I could leave Friday afternoon, and head back up Monday morning, but the drive is always sketchy. We have to go through several storm belts and I’m sure I’ve expressed my fear and anxiety about driving during snow storms of any sort.

If it wasn’t so bloody expensive to take a train, I would, and if it didn’t take all day to bus down, I would.

I’m missing my family and my friends, and I’m bored with everything right now. I’m in a funk that I’m trying to claw my way out of. Nobody willingly wants to be in a funk, it just sort of happens. Am I right?

I know the groundhog didn’t see his shadow and predicted that “spring would be here before we know it“, but I highly doubt that’s true. I wait for spring to be here every minute of the day…but it’s only the beginning of February. We had snow storms in early May last year.

Clearly, Northern living is not for this mama. But I do like this town…when it’s not covered in snow and ice and other winter yuckiness. And I am trying to suck it up. I know people {JD especially, or maybe only} hate when I complain about snow since I live in Northern Ontario. Snow is just a fact of life. And I do deal with it pretty well, for the most part. I like never complain to Matt or my family or anybody except you poor folks. Sorry about that. I know if I complain about how cold and boring it is here, Matt will feel super bad. It’s not his fault I suck at Northern winter living. Northern spring and summer living? Totally rad. There is so much to do here it’s a bit ridiculous. But there’s not really anything fun to do during the winter months, and the winter months drag on and on because of it.

This Saturday, I’m going to take Nolan to the EYC. Even though I find Saturday’s at the EYC to be extremely overwhelming {there are so many people}, I think we need to get out of the house for a little bit. So, I’ll grab a coffee and suck it up. Nolan doesn’t mind crowds, even if I do. And since we don’t have plans for Saturday, why not?!

Blarg. Sorry for being so dry and boring around here. My blog is beginning to resemble my hands! So dry. My hands aren’t boring but winter sure is.

P.S. Did I mention I am not a fan of winter?

P.S.S. I fully expect some hate-comments from JD for this post. But oh well; I’m sure she’s just as tired of trying to navigate snowy, icy sidewalks with a baby stroller. And the bundling up before any outing, no matter how quick.

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QUITTER!

Sometimes, quitting things is good right? Like quitting smoking. They practically hand you an award if you quit smoking. Or if you quit drinking, you get one for that too.

I highly doubt I’ll get an award, or even a pat on the back, for quitting the gym though. In fact, I can already hear y’all now, trying to convince me not to. But…I just can’t do it.

I went to the gym today, and was all excited about it, then nearly got into a car accident on the way there. Although it wasn’t snowing when I left, the roads were absolute crap and there’s always one person {aka me} who doesn’t know how to drive in snow. Okay, so it wasn’t my fault. The person in front of me clearly had better snow tires and clearly wasn’t thinking about the possibility that I might not have amazing snow tires, so when they tromped on the break and I did too, I didn’t stop as quickly as I thought I would. Luckily, there was no collision. But my heart was still in my damn throat.

Have I mentioned winter driving, and snow, terrifies me?

Anyway. We arrived at the gym and I dropped Nolan off at the daycare, got my stuff in the locker, grabbed my water bottle and iPod and headed out to work out. Only…I couldn’t do it. I tried all of my machines and my body just was not cooperating. I tried over and over again for 20 minutes to make my body cooperate but it wouldn’t and I was frustrated. So I grabbed my stuff, my kid, and I left.

And I want to quit. I am going to quit.

It seems like every time I go, I get worse and worse at it.

I’m not quitting my get fit goal. I’m just going a different route. I’d much rather work out from home, and pay peanuts for peanut results. I’ll be putting all this money into a membership and I can grantee you I won’t be getting the results I want because my body doesn’t work that way. At all. If I buy work out videos and do them in my own home, at least I’ll be more comfortable and I won’t beat myself up if I can’t do something “the right way”.

So, in summary? I suck. And I’m okay with that. Because I don’t want to kill my body. I couldn’t even sit on the damn floor to play Megablocks with Nolan! I haven’t cleaned our apartment since I started working out, because I’ve been so sore and exhausted. It’s absolutely disgusting. Even when my friend Bruce visited, the apartment was not nearly as clean as it normally is for guests. Hells, it wasn’t even as clean as it normally is for us.

I’ll be quitting the gym and buying a couple of workout videos. Suggestions for workout videos are most definitely welcome.

So far, today has been crappy. There’s still time for it to redeem itself though.

I also didn’t go to Winners because now it’s snowing and the roads are a mess and I’m anxious. I really failed today.

Now, I need to go clean this disgustingly messy apartment.

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Can it be Summer now?!

I am restless in this town. Happy, but restless. Perhaps it’s all this damn snow that’s making me feel restless…but, either way…I’m restless. I long for spring – for summer, because the roads will be clear and {slightly} more predictable, which means I’ll be able to make more trips to the places I want to go. I have a list that is literally a mile long of all the little places I want to take Nolan too.

I obviously want to go “down south” and visit my family and Matt family. I miss them all so much. I want to cuddle with my nephew. I miss that kid so much, and it really sucks that we’re so far away from him. I’d love to just drive five minutes for a play date with my sister, I love watching Xman and Nolan play together.

I want to take Nolan to the Toronto Zoo, the Science Center and Ontario Place. I want to take him to that new rec center in my old town that is apparently mint.

I want to spend some quality time with my grandparents, maybe at their trailer. I want to visit with my cousins, actually visit and spend some time with them {since the last time we got together ~ Christmas ~ I was super sick}.

I want to finally meet my little man D and see JD for the first time in like forever. Nine months? It’s ridiculous. I want to catch up with all the other old friends I haven’t seen in forever. I want to visit Elle and hit up museums and indoor play areas and parks and all that jazz.

I want to go on family day trips and to the beach and camping at Matt’s property. I want to be able to take Nolan outside to play for longer than 10 minutes. I want to go on walks down the trail, and teach Nolan how to toss rocks in the creek {with me there, of course}.

I want to be warm.

What are you looking forward to doing as soon as the snow melts?

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But there really IS a 6 pack under these rolls!

Matt has been tossing the “G” word around.

Gym.

He wants us to get a gym membership. Together. Not because he thinks I’m fat or anything, but because I’ve often expressed my frustration with my post-baby stomach.

Before pregnancy, I had what I like to fondly refer to as “effortless abs”. I didn’t do anything, and I had rock hard abs – despite the fact that I used to stuff my face full of McDonald’s and Dominos cheesy bread on the daily. Yes, hate pre-baby me, I sure as shit do now. Then I got pregnant, and WHAM. Now I have a flabby post-baby belly that I am too lazy to do anything about – other than bitch.

My stomach today.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. I have cut a lot of crap out of my diet, and I’m drinking way more water. But I’m not exercising. Winter is making it pretty damn hard to leave my couch. I do get out 4 times a week for sure – when I take J down to her bus stop with T and usually Nolan {except for Tuesdays, when Matt is home in the morning, then Nolan gets to miss out on the walk and sleep in. Lucky kid}.

I think part of my issue is that I don’t know how to exercise. Seriously, I’ve never exercised a day in my life and unfortunately, that is not an exaggeration.

So anyway, back to Matt. He brought home some pamphlets from a gym in town and I was reading up on the classes. I’ve gotta say…I’m deeply interested in taking some classes. I think it would be totally awesome to take a yoga, tai chi, or Pilates class or two. Of course, my social anxiety is a barrier right now. The idea of going to work out classes which a bunch of different people is totally scaring the crap out of me.

But I was all ya! Self improvement FTW! a couple of months ago, so I really don’t want that to be my excuse.

Money could be a factor, but Matt is animate that you can’t pay too much for good health. He also added that they have a dietitian that helps you work out a meal plan to get on the right track with eating healthy – I could totally use that, because I am clueless when it comes to “healthy eating” and everything I cook contains a lot of carbs and other not-so-fantastic stuff.

So…I’m on the fence about this. Especially since I totally want to hoard every last penny we have after bills for my ridiculous Ikea shopping trip in April.

But…I would honestly love to have more energy, and it’s a proven fact that working out and exercising gives you more energy. Maybe not at first, maybe not right away but it eventually does. I love the idea of attending a couple of classes each week to help with my stress levels {I hear yoga is great for that}, and I’d totally love a rockin’ bod for this summer. Toned ass, stomach, and thighs?! YES PLEASE! I’d be hitting up the beach daily, regardless of my scars because people would be all like “look at how toned she is! Her body rocks!”

Erm. So, yes. I’m on the fence about it.

But I think we’re going to do it; since Matt is totally for it. Hold me while I shiver in a corner and cry with fear.

P.S. Here are some cute photos of Nolan from today, because I know that’s what y’all keep coming back for. 😉

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Young Motherhood vs. Not So Young Motherhood?

Someone once told me I would have more patience and be less emotional if I had waited to have children. This person {who will remain nameless} told me that I would be a better parent if I had waited until my 30s to have kids.

I think that’s a load of crap. I don’t think I’m going to be any more patient 9 years from now than I am today. I don’t think I’m going to be any less emotional, either. I have ALWAYS been emotional. I have ALWAYS worn my heart on my sleeve and never feared showing any emotion that I had. I have ALWAYS been sensitive and quick to go off – but I’ve also always been quick to calm down {after I’ve stomped my feet and pouted a lot}.

I don’t understand why people say that: you’d be a better parent if you had waited until your 30s. Women in their 30s make great moms. Do you agree with that? Mothers in your 30s, do YOU agree with that? I’m curious. I really do want to know if being 30 instantly makes you “SuperMom” just like that person said. I’m not saying that women in their 30s aren’t great moms, but why is 30 so different from 20?

Personally, I think at any age, we will make mistakes; both as parents and as people. I don’t think hitting the golden age of 30 will suddenly cure any bad decisions or fleeting moments of no patience. I honestly couldn’t tell you when the “right age” to become a parent is because I don’t think it matters.

I think that if you love your children, you’re doing a great job. If you feed them, clothe them, educate them and help them grow – you’re doing a good job. If you make them feel cherished and loved and safe, you’re doing a great job – regardless of age.

Young motherhood – young parenthood for that matter – gets such a shit review from the very small percentage of moms & dads who shrug off their responsibilities {much like that of Jenelle from Teen Mom 2} in order to “enjoy being a teen”. But what we don’t often hear about are the “older” mothers who do the exact same thing. That’s kind of a taboo subject though, in a way. The media is quick to portray young mothers as irresponsible, yet the mother who is in her 30s and displays the same behavior as those few young moms like Jenelle never gets any notice.

Why can’t it just be said that some women are irresponsible? Some women don’t make good parents? Not everyone makes a good mom. Not everyone is up to the 24/7 job of parenting. Not all those mothers are young moms though.

It sort of gets my hackles up when someone makes a comment about young mothers and then remembers that I am a young mother and says “well I didn’t mean ALL young mothers”, as if that makes it any less hurtful on this young mother. Its a generalization, a stereotype. Its like saying something completely racist and then following it up with “but not ALL of them”. It’s really just not cool on so many levels.

I’m really tired of being told that if I had waited until I was 30, I wouldn’t be this emotional or whatever other not so great personality trait. This is my personality, its here to stay – regardless of whether or not I’m 21 or 30. I’m also tired of hearing that my marriage is going to fail because “we’re young”.

Age doesn’t have all the answers.

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