Category Archives: challenges

An Announcement

I was going to keep this a secret for a while, but I’m terribly bad at secrets. It’s a proven fact. Especially about “exciting” things, I just can’t keep my flap closed. And since Matt is also having a horrible time keeping this secret, I figured…why not?

That’s right folks, two lines…we’re pregnant! Apparently, I’m Fertile Myrtle.

We decided in December that we were ready to add to our little family, so I finished up my BC cycle and went off it in January. Then we started “trying”. By “trying”, I of course mean we just did it a bunch of times, as per usual, and WHAMBAM. Pregnancy? Matt is going to buy me a Staples “that was easy” button and duct tape it to my belly, because…well, that was easy?

We found out February 5th, 2011. I went to a walk in clinic on Wednesday night and they confirmed it. I’m just two days shy of five weeks, and my estimated due date is October 16th, 2011. I am absolutely excited about having an October baby, and…dare I say it…but I’m hoping the baby will be born on October 21st, my dad’s birthday! I doubt that the doctors would let me go five days past my due date, but it’d be sweet to give him a birthday grandbaby!

I know that most women don’t breathe a word of their pregnancy until they are passed the 12th week point. The doctor at the walk in clinic was kind enough to remind me {every time he opened his mouth} that there is a 1 in 5 chance for miscarriage, and he was kind enough to tell me not to “tell everybody just yet”. Nice huh? Definitely doesn’t help calm my nerves at all about this whole pregnancy thing.  But the way I see it…either way, I’m going to blog about the results. I’m over the fear that telling people will “jinx” my pregnancy – I’m not even high risk for a miscarriage! Stressing about that isn’t good anyway. Besides, I spilled the beans about my pregnancy with Nolan just a mere days after finding out, and I was around 5 weeks then too.

We’ve alerted the troops {family} and some close friends, and now I’m alerting all of you. Deep breath.

I was going to wait until I was a little further along…but frankly? Keeping this a “secret” is pretty damn tiring. It’s happy news, so why not share it?! Not to mention, I’ve already “popped” a bit, and it’s already a little noticeable…

I didn’t look like that until about 20 weeks with Nolan! Crazy huh? I know, with your second you pop quickly so I’m trying not to get too offended by the fact that I can barely see my box when I sit down to pee and I’m only four {nearly five} weeks.

I’m super excited! This is our first “planned” pregnancy, but I feel as clueless as I did with Nolan! Seriously, it’s shocking just how much you forget about being pregnant until you’re pregnant again. I didn’t expect to be so exhausted {hence my lazy last couple of weeks}. I didn’t expect the dreams to start so early, either. I’m eating enough to feed a small village too. Thank goodness the nausea hasn’t set in! Although the smell {and look!} of fish is more than enough to turn my belly completely inside out. Of course, the look and smell of fish has always turned my stomach! Gross!!!

I’m also super impatient. How in the hell was I pregnant before? I’m impatient for my first ultrasound, to hear little bean’s heart beat, and to find out what sex little bean is. Boy or girl, it will most definitely be loved! Although I do have a secret desire for a girl, only because Matt says this is our LAST baby and I would like to have a daughter too. Boys are amazing, don’t get me wrong, but I’m hoping for that little girl – the outfits, the girly things, watching her be daddy’s little girl…so sweet! Plus it’s due time someone on Matt’s side had a girl!!! But if little bean happens to be a boy, then so be it! I’ll be just as happy with two little boys as I would be with a girl and a boy.

So, there you have it! There’s my big secret 😀 our big secret! Nolan’s known for quite some time. He keeps rubbing/tapping my belly and saying “baybeee!” So cute!

I have a feeling the next 9 months are going to fly by.

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Take THAT, apartment!!!

Over the past little while, I haven’t been on top of my “domestic duties”, so to speak. I know, this confession is shocking coming from me, huh? The one who actually believes in the 50s housewife mindset {to a degree, anyway}. But it’s true! I’ve been slacking, and then some! The soles of my slippers are caked in squished raisins – and that tells you about the cleanliness of my kitchen floor right there.

For the past week, I’ve been super lazy and tired. I think my iron is low – actually I know my iron is low. I don’t get nearly enough red meats, nor do I eat anything else high in iron. So I’ve been lazy, spending most of my afternoons doing nothing but cuddling up my baby boy and reading stories to him. During his nap time, I also nap…or have been, anyway. Our bedroom was a laundry war-zone, piles of dirty scattered about on the floor and baskets of clean stacked high to the ceiling. I was too lazy to fold the clean laundry, and thus didn’t have any baskets for the dirty laundry. Nor did I have any room in the baskets for more clean laundry so I couldn’t just toss it into the washer and dryer to get rid of it. No, that would mean that I would actually have to fold some of the clean clothes. I did manage to stay on top of the dishes, more or less. After all, we don’t have a dish washer and even at my most laziest moments I can’t stand having dirty dishes in my sink. So, go me for that at least!

Yeah, I’ve been the definition of lazy. Even my blogging indicates that, and that’s totally okay. We’re all entitled to moments {er, in my case, weeks} of laziness. I prefer to call it “weeks of rest”, thank you very much.

In any case, I’ve broken out of the fog spell and slapped myself upside the head. I am the one who does the majority of the cleaning {okay, all of it – although hubs does help me tidy up toys in the evening}, because I am the one that gets bothered most by mess and dirty things. I’ve mentioned thousands of times before that Matt does not see messes the way I see them. He’s blind to them. They don’t exist. The man will cook a fantastic dinner, but leave all of the dishes on the counter. I’m lucky if some of them make it into the sink. So, if I’m the only one who does all the majority of the cleaning, you can bet your socks that our apartment needed my love and attention. So this morning, I gave it just that.

A huge chore for me was the recycling under the sink. We have a little blue recycling bin that is supposed to be taken out to our big recycling bin outside when it gets full. However, our big recycling bin is currently buried under tons of snow, I’ve attempted to make Matt dig it out several times before but according to him “it’s frozen to the ground and if he tries to get it out the bottom will come out.” So, we technically don’t have the use of a big recycling bin. I keep forgetting to go to Walmart and pick up a new one {that will we store in Matt’s truck cab}, not to mention Matt missed recycling this week. {He claims it doesn’t matter, because he didn’t have anything to put all the recycling in anyway – since our big bin is, again, buried}. Trust me when I say that the recycling literally piled up to the point where you couldn’t even open the cupboard doors under the sink without tons of it falling out at you. And I kept leaving it, thinking that Matt would deal with it. Pfft, yeah right! Matt deal with a mess?!? Even with my constant bitching about it, it stayed under the sink. He kept saying “oh, I’ll put it all in bags and put it in the back of my truck for now”.

Guess what I did today? I put all of the recycling in bags and then brought it out to Matt’s truck and tossed it in the cab. Now, the cupboard under my sink looks exactly how it’s supposed to…like this:

And Matt’s truck cab is loaded up with bags full of recycling, waiting for the day when we finally get our asses to Walmart to buy a new big recycling bin. Which, if I have anything to do with it, will be happening very soon. I think it looks really trashy {snort, trash…get it!?} and I want that dealt with ASAP. While it brings me such joy to see Matt’s truck cab full of recycling, that joy is dampened by the facts that a) he doesn’t drive his truck during the winter so what kind of punishment is that anyway? and b) as I said, it’s totally trashy and I hate trashy.

So, yeah. That was a huge chore for me this morning. Plus I cleaned the entire kitchen and washed the floors {and picked all the squished raisins off my slippers}. Then I cleaned the bathroom and our bedroom. I’m catching up on laundry {nearly there!} and I’ve vacuumed the livingroom. Our apartment is slowly being restored to it’s original glory, and I love it!

I don’t know why I allow myself to get in lazy moods like that. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does the mood drags on and on and on. Seriously, weeks of laziness? What the hell, me?

I’m glad I finally gave our apartment some tender loving and care, since Matt would like to have his college friend, G, and G’s girlfriend over for a “fondue party” tomorrow night. I’m game because chocolate fondue is bomb! And yes, I know, I should have recruited his help because he wants to have the fondue party, but guess what? I’m sure I’ll be making him clean something in preparation for this “fondue party” – our apartment never stays clean for long!

When I say that Matt doesn’t see messes the way that I see them, I mean simply that. He doesn’t see them. If I tell him to clean something, he’ll do it. I know, the recycling was just him being super lazy and probably unable to see how or where we could store all that recycling without pissing off our landlords {he was thinking truck bed, I was thinking truck cab}.

The best thing about being a stay-at-home-mom is that I only have myself to report to. Matt is completely fine with messes. I, on the other hand, not so much. So the only person I piss off when I get lazy is myself. I don’t piss off any managers or bosses, and I don’t loose my job for slacking. So basically, I can be lazy and still “have a job”. It’s awesome. Plus when I’m feeling lazy and not wanting to clean, it just gives me even more time to read stories to Nolan and play with him. We’ve had tons of snuggles this week!

Oh and by the way, I found Nolan’s other snow boot…it was stuck in his snow pants. So Nolan didn’t actually lose it at all. Mom fail? Totally. Oh well, he doesn’t seem bothered by the misguided blame at all 😉

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A {Very Sad} Letter to BlackBerries {specifically mine}

Dear BlackBerry:

I love you. I’ve loved you since the first time I held you in the Bell store, not even two months ago. You were far prettier and faster than my old BlackBerry, and you had wireless capabilities. I treat you like a queen, you practically sit on a royal cushion day after day. The kind of treatment you get is actually quite ridiculous.

And yet, randomly, you refuse to lock. I now am that person who butt calls everyone. You refuse to ring, no matter what setting you’re on. You refuse to sound the alarm should I set it. I don’t know what I ever did to wrong you, to hurt you…but you’re hurting me by acting up so quickly into our relationship. I thought we were meant to be! I even paid extra for your pretty self! But now you mock me by not working.

A girl needs a lock button, and a girl needs to be able to hear her phone should it ring {or the alarm, should it go off}. I’m worried about our future together…if this is happening just two months into our relationship…well, I have reason to worry. Obviously, I now have to take you all the way in to a Bell store and send you off for repairs. But I’m worried those repairs won’t fix the future issues, I’m worried that as soon as your warranty wears out, you will fall to the same fate my last BlackBerry did. I’m worried all the issues I’ll have with you will cause me to go literally insane.

You know, I renewed my contract with Bell for another three years to get you. I thought for sure that BlackBerry had improved their phones, since everyone else I talked to had no issues with it. But alas, here we are…you’re not ringing, nor are you locking. I butt dialed six people already today. Luckily they were all Matt, but still. You didn’t get dropped, you didn’t get thrown, you didn’t get left out in the freezing cold of my car. You are treated like a celebrity. I’m beginning to think you’ve got Lindsay Lohan’s personality: despite all the allowances you have, you’re still a drunken mess.

I hope that when I take you in for repairs, it solves all of our issues together. Otherwise, I’m going to have to replace you again. Only this time? I’ll replace you with an iPhone. Yeah, I went there.

Love,
Your owner with the broken-heart:
Jess

P.S. I really don’t want an iPhone, I want you, but I want and need you to work properly. We’re in this together, for three years.

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Bad Mood Bear

I am in a bad mood today. I’m stressed, anxious, and exhausted. I’ve had far too many late nights over the past little while and needless to say…they’ve caught up with me! Today has kicked my ass and then some, and despite my nap this afternoon I’m still dragging ass and grouchy.

I barely got any sleep last night, between Nolan’s sleep crying and my back. My back was causing me murderous pain, probably because of the way I was sitting during our evening TV watching. So from 2am-3am, I tossed and turned and whined. I ditched my pillow even. Finally I fell asleep, but it was NOT peaceful.

Then my morning started off with the walk-in-clinic “re-dial” game. I wanted to book an appointment for myself and Nolan. The walk-in-clinic we usually go to opens at 1pm and at 9pm you can call and book an appointment for that day. Monday mornings are always rat races, I played the “re-dial” game for literally half an hour. When I finally got through, I tried to book an appointment. I gave the receptionist my name and she instantly interrupted me.

“You owe us for a foot clinic you missed in May. We won’t be able to see you until you pay the $70 charge.” this was said in an icy, short tone {after I was interrupted}.

“Ok…but I don’t have $70 today…” was my response, because I don’t. I was about to ask if I could still be seen with a promise to pay this Friday, but didn’t get far at all because I was again cut off.

“We won’t be seeing you until you pay the $70 charge”.

Ok then.

I was deeply irritated because this foot clinic thing is bogus. I signed up for it, yes, but I never received a call. {Who knows, maybe I did but at the time we were living with Matt’s dad & step-mom, I often didn’t get calls}. I guess I just forgot and assumed they weren’t doing it since I never got the call.

And to me, $70 seems VERY excessive for a missed foot clinic appointment, and the receptionist shouldn’t have had a bitchy tone with me. You catch more bees with honey, not vinegar.

Obviously I’m going to pay this fine, despite the fact that I think its WAY too much for a missed appointment AND despite the fact that they never clarified that “missing” their foot clinic would result in a fee. But I’m still mad about it.

So that put me in a foul mood from the get go. Mostly because I’m feeling insanely guilty for the amount of unnecessary I spent in the last month that shouldn’t have been spent. The tattoo, my hairdo, the three times I went out for lunch with Nolan, the pizza we didn’t have to order, and the 26er of vodka I didn’t need to buy are all weighing heavily on my mind. The fact that we’re tapped until Friday because I slipped up so much also weighs heavily on my conscious.

Throughout it all, Matt isn’t angry with me. Despite the fact if the tables were turned *I* would undoubtedly be infuriated with him. But I don’t let him make mistakes like that, so why do I let myself?

I’m just having one of those days where I need to pout and feel sorry for myself just because I know I screwed up. I know I should have been smarter about our money. I really don’t think I’m to blame for the whole missed foot clinic thing, but I also don’t think they’re entirely too blame either. It just sucks. Especially since I’ve been in several times since May with Nolan and they never once mentioned this fee to me. Or it would have been paid by now {because I usually don’t suck THIS much with our money}.

I still have another four hours to get through before I can fall into bed and call it a night.

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I’m Bored. Again.

I’m bored with this blog, again. It just feels…blah. I don’t know what to do in order to bring it back alive. I’m too lazy to re-do the whole look ~ besides, I like the look. I’m pretty sure it’s just me. My writing feels dry and boring lately. Sorry for that.

There’s a lot of stuff that I’d love to write about, but I feel like I can’t. I have fears that writing these stories would open myself up to opinions and feedback that I frankly don’t want. So I remain hush hush about it, and reframe from writing. About that, anyway.

Winter is boring, and in turn I feel boring. We haven’t gone on any great adventures, we haven’t done anything miraculously fun. We mostly stay home, because it’s too bloody cold to go anywhere fun. Sure, there’s the mall, but it’s totally depressing when you go and don’t buy anything because it’s not in your budget and we’re on a saving rampage, so what’s the point? Our mall doesn’t even have a fun playground, or even a photobooth to waste time in. It’s just stores and a food court. Oh joy.

I long for spring, so that we can go to the park and actually do something fun. I’m totally dying here of cabin fever and boredom and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’d love to be able to jet down to visit family for a bit and just have a change of scenery, but Matt’s in school 5 days a week and I work 4 days a week. My only day off is Wednesday, smack dab in the middle of the week. I suppose I could leave Friday afternoon, and head back up Monday morning, but the drive is always sketchy. We have to go through several storm belts and I’m sure I’ve expressed my fear and anxiety about driving during snow storms of any sort.

If it wasn’t so bloody expensive to take a train, I would, and if it didn’t take all day to bus down, I would.

I’m missing my family and my friends, and I’m bored with everything right now. I’m in a funk that I’m trying to claw my way out of. Nobody willingly wants to be in a funk, it just sort of happens. Am I right?

I know the groundhog didn’t see his shadow and predicted that “spring would be here before we know it“, but I highly doubt that’s true. I wait for spring to be here every minute of the day…but it’s only the beginning of February. We had snow storms in early May last year.

Clearly, Northern living is not for this mama. But I do like this town…when it’s not covered in snow and ice and other winter yuckiness. And I am trying to suck it up. I know people {JD especially, or maybe only} hate when I complain about snow since I live in Northern Ontario. Snow is just a fact of life. And I do deal with it pretty well, for the most part. I like never complain to Matt or my family or anybody except you poor folks. Sorry about that. I know if I complain about how cold and boring it is here, Matt will feel super bad. It’s not his fault I suck at Northern winter living. Northern spring and summer living? Totally rad. There is so much to do here it’s a bit ridiculous. But there’s not really anything fun to do during the winter months, and the winter months drag on and on because of it.

This Saturday, I’m going to take Nolan to the EYC. Even though I find Saturday’s at the EYC to be extremely overwhelming {there are so many people}, I think we need to get out of the house for a little bit. So, I’ll grab a coffee and suck it up. Nolan doesn’t mind crowds, even if I do. And since we don’t have plans for Saturday, why not?!

Blarg. Sorry for being so dry and boring around here. My blog is beginning to resemble my hands! So dry. My hands aren’t boring but winter sure is.

P.S. Did I mention I am not a fan of winter?

P.S.S. I fully expect some hate-comments from JD for this post. But oh well; I’m sure she’s just as tired of trying to navigate snowy, icy sidewalks with a baby stroller. And the bundling up before any outing, no matter how quick.

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QUITTER!

Sometimes, quitting things is good right? Like quitting smoking. They practically hand you an award if you quit smoking. Or if you quit drinking, you get one for that too.

I highly doubt I’ll get an award, or even a pat on the back, for quitting the gym though. In fact, I can already hear y’all now, trying to convince me not to. But…I just can’t do it.

I went to the gym today, and was all excited about it, then nearly got into a car accident on the way there. Although it wasn’t snowing when I left, the roads were absolute crap and there’s always one person {aka me} who doesn’t know how to drive in snow. Okay, so it wasn’t my fault. The person in front of me clearly had better snow tires and clearly wasn’t thinking about the possibility that I might not have amazing snow tires, so when they tromped on the break and I did too, I didn’t stop as quickly as I thought I would. Luckily, there was no collision. But my heart was still in my damn throat.

Have I mentioned winter driving, and snow, terrifies me?

Anyway. We arrived at the gym and I dropped Nolan off at the daycare, got my stuff in the locker, grabbed my water bottle and iPod and headed out to work out. Only…I couldn’t do it. I tried all of my machines and my body just was not cooperating. I tried over and over again for 20 minutes to make my body cooperate but it wouldn’t and I was frustrated. So I grabbed my stuff, my kid, and I left.

And I want to quit. I am going to quit.

It seems like every time I go, I get worse and worse at it.

I’m not quitting my get fit goal. I’m just going a different route. I’d much rather work out from home, and pay peanuts for peanut results. I’ll be putting all this money into a membership and I can grantee you I won’t be getting the results I want because my body doesn’t work that way. At all. If I buy work out videos and do them in my own home, at least I’ll be more comfortable and I won’t beat myself up if I can’t do something “the right way”.

So, in summary? I suck. And I’m okay with that. Because I don’t want to kill my body. I couldn’t even sit on the damn floor to play Megablocks with Nolan! I haven’t cleaned our apartment since I started working out, because I’ve been so sore and exhausted. It’s absolutely disgusting. Even when my friend Bruce visited, the apartment was not nearly as clean as it normally is for guests. Hells, it wasn’t even as clean as it normally is for us.

I’ll be quitting the gym and buying a couple of workout videos. Suggestions for workout videos are most definitely welcome.

So far, today has been crappy. There’s still time for it to redeem itself though.

I also didn’t go to Winners because now it’s snowing and the roads are a mess and I’m anxious. I really failed today.

Now, I need to go clean this disgustingly messy apartment.

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A bunch of random updates

Alright; enough with the weather complaints. Winter is here, and it probably will be for quite some time – as much as I hate it, I don’t think my hate-on is going to make it disappear any sooner.

So yeah, it’s time for some random updates! I obviously need to snap out of my winter induced funk 😉

I didn’t really do much of anything today, besides watching the girls and hanging with my little man. The girls got dropped off at 7:45, and since Matt didn’t have class until later, he stayed inside with Nolan while I walked with J and T down to J’s bus. I love Tuesdays’ because I don’t have to worry about carting Nolan out in the cold.

I always wear my snow pants, my winter coat, my hat, my mitts and my scarf – but I always feel so awkward because there is another girl who waits at J’s bus stop. She’s in grade 7 or something, but she never wears any winter gear {aside from a winter coat}. It just reminds me of my middle school and high school days. I never wore any of that stuff because it just “wasn’t cool”. So am I suddenly “uncool” because I don’t want to freeze my ass off in -30 weather?

Whatever. The funny thing is, I don’t even care anymore.

So yeah; we basically spent the entire day inside, watching movies and playing with toys. Because that’s all there is to do around this stankin’ town in the winter time. I need to ask T’s mom to drop off her car seat on Tuesdays so we can at least go to the coffee group. It’ll give us one day a week when we can get out of the house, right? Even if I’m totally a hermit right now because of this weather.

But I’m getting incredibly bored of just colouring. So I need y’all to suggest some toddler friendly {and, more importantly, inexpensive} activities, since I’m far too uncreative at this moment to think of some on my own. I want to make homemade playdough, but I’m still searching out for a really good recipe. {If you have one, PLEASE give it to me!! I’m looking for an easy recipe, one that T can help me do and that doesn’t require a hell of a lot of ingredients…in relation: why the hell does tarter sauce have to be in playdough?!?!}.

Also: Nolan did a lot of super cute things today. For one: he napped. For the first time in like 2 days. It was fabulous! And even though he napped, he spent a majority of the afternoon cuddling with me on the couch under a warm blanket. He’s done that the last two days in a row, but I thought it was only because he had skipped out on his nap both days. But now I’m beginning to think that he is starting to enjoy cuddling with mama again, and that makes me so incredibly happy. 😀

He played quietly while I made dinner, and at one point when I peaked into the livingroom he was looking under the couch pointing and saying “CAT! HHAAHAHA CAT!” Sketch was trying to hide from him, and he was trying to play with her. Super cute.

Nolan ate his dinner like a champ, but kept demanding the soy sauce. At one point he threw quite the epic tantrum when I told him “you have enough soy sauce on your food”. Yes, that is apparently starting. Joy to the world, right!? After that he decided that he was done with eating, so I put him on the ground to play in the kitchen while I finished eating my dinner. He ran back and forth from the refrigerator to the washer with his little magnetic letters, screaming and giggling like a mad man. T’was hilarious!

Then it was bath time; I had the bathroom door closed and was running Nolan’s bath while Matt was in the livingroom with Nolan. They heard me start the bath and they both came running to the door and started knocking on it. Matt told Nolan to say “Mommy, I’m ready!” and Nolan totally screamed “READY!”

I let him into the bathroom, and he raced over to the tub saying “ready, ready!”. And even while I bathed him and, later dressed him, he kept saying “ready Mommy! Ready!” it was the cutest thing ever. “Ready” is such a cute word when it comes from his mouth!

Yeah, Nolan’s awesome! And even though it’s freakin’ cold out and I’m tired of snow, life is awesome. Because Nolan is in it. 🙂

Tomorrow is my “day off”. I’m heading to the gym for 9am, working out for a bit and then doing my Fit Fix Orientation. I was supposed to do that orientation tonight, but I totally forgot about it. No harm though, I’ll do it tomorrow 🙂 I’m going to try and do 20 minutes on the {sit down} bike, but I’ll stick to 15 minutes on the two ellipticals and the up-right bike. I don’t want to overdo it too much, considering I’ll be going to the gym on Thursday too {since I’m missing Friday}. Also: I’m going to try to shower at the gym. JDC gave me flip flops so I really don’t have an excuse. I just have to remember to pack a change of under hahha. It’s totally painfully obvious just how much of a novice I am at this whole “gym” thing.

T-minus three days until my date with the tattoo gun.

{P.S. How do you like that, two posts in like 10 minutes of each other. Guess I’m not as “cricket-y” as I thought! Sorry they sorta suck. I’m totally exhausted}

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