Category Archives: dumbass people

Attention Asshat Drivers: Stop Taking Risks

I don’t know what it is about snow storms that bring out total douchebags on the road, but I’m tired for it. I’m longing for spring – but I know that spring doesn’t grantee douchebag free roads. But still. Winter makes it worse. Especially because the douchebags drive like there isn’t tons of slippery snow and ice on the asphalt.

This evening, I was backing out of my driveway to drive Britt and Serena home. My driveway is at the bottom of a hill on a well traveled road, but I assure you I checked and double checked before backing out. I was about a quarter of the way finished backing out when some asshat appears at the top of the hill, driving towards us. Clearly, I’m backing out of my driveway. My car is pretty damn noticeable, and the dude had plenty of time to slow the fuck down. But guess what? He didn’t. He nearly smashed into me and was on my ass so much so that I had to honk at him to show my annoyance {even though he was behind me…but I’m pretty sure he knew who I was honking at}, and when I was straightening out he decided to try and get around me. With another car coming in the opposite direction. Which caused me to nearly drive into the ditch. When I laid my hand on the horn he {or she} stopped trying to get around and I was able to straighten out and drive forward but I was not comfortable at all, since this idiot put us in danger countless times within 1 minute AND continued to ride my ass.

To the driver of that car: What. The. Fuck. You asshole prick! I had two babies in my car! TWO. And another one on the way! I’m sorry that slowing down and allowing me to completely back out of my driveway without harrassing my back end would waste so much of your precious time, but guess what’s more precious than your time? Our lives. All of ours, even your douchebag life. But most importantly: those babies lives are more important than your “inconvenience” of having to slow down {which, I might add…YOU DIDN’T. AT ALL}.

I am so tired of sharing the roads with risk takers. People who just “don’t have the time” to slow the hell down and drive safely. People who don’t let others have the right of way when they rightfully have it. People who speed through four way stops because stopping is just such a drag.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve almost been in an accident due to somebody’s stupid dick moves on the road. Honestly? I’m a good driver. I’m careful, but I’m not a turtle. I don’t endanger people by driving too slow and I don’t endanger people by driving too fast. I am cautious and I react well {for the most part}. I drive for the weather conditions. I don’t cut people off, or steal their right away. I drive like I’m carrying precious cargo because I am. My baby – ok, I guess I should say babies -are the most important people in my life, and I’m tired of douchebags putting our lives in danger because they’re taking stupid risks.

I really hope that this post reaches out to at least one douchebag driver out there, and makes them think twice before taking stupid risks. Remember: it’s not just your life you’re risking, you’re risking the lives of other people too, the lives of kids and babies. So slow the fuck down and chill out. Drive with caution and care of everyone else on the road as well as yourself, and don’t take risks. Don’t endanger other people, and don’t endanger my babies or my friends babies, don’t endanger my nieces and nephews.

That’s all, thanks.

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In Which I Have An Opinion: Teen Mom 2

***caution: spoilers ahead***

Holy smokes.

Honestly? I don’t even know where to begin with that whole charade. Last night’s episode was more drama filled than the season premiere of Jersey Shore, only that’s not a good thing, not in my opinion, not when these girls are mothers and they have babies that need stable environments.

Let’s start out with…Jenelle, shall we? The one that pissed me off the most. I’m sorry, but I have to side with your mom. Yes, it is important for a mom at any age to have a night out every once in a while to recharge and have some fun. But fun? Is not riding a mechanical bull and clubbing 4 nights a week. So what if you put your son to bed and feed him dinner, you’re still dumping responsibilities off on your mom so you can “go be a teenager” and that just isn’t cool. Plus, she has absolutely no respect for her mom, despite all the help her mom gives her. Yeah, I’m annoyed by her mom too – her voice is grating and she nags a lot. But in Jenelle’s mom’s defense, she needs to nag. She has to remind this girl constantly that she’s a mother and needs to start acting like it. If Jenelle acted like a mom, I bet the nagging would stop.

She also does a HUGE no-no: leaving her 1 year old in a bath tub while she runs to get something. UM, what?! I’m sorry, I’m not being self righteous here but I would never leave Nolan in the tub to “go get a towel”. You have the stuff you need there with you before you put the child in a tub, and if you’ve forgotten something you either take him with you OR call for help {if anyone is home}. That is such a no-brainer, children drown in tubs all the time because they slip and fall.

Then her mom serves her with custody papers. Jenelle’s reaction? Get violent, of course! Because that’s the best way to behave to ensure that you win a custody battle, am I right?! I suppose she doesn’t care though, because she’s making big bucks with this show.

Ugh.

Moving on.

Chelsea. Oh Chelsea. I see a lot of potential with Chelsea, but I find her situation unrealistic. She moves out, and her father continues to pay rent. She does have to continue doing well in school, but he pays the rent. In reality, in most cases, the young mom would have to find a living situation and pay for it with a part-time job while continuing to go to school because most parents of young mom’s wouldn’t pay or wouldn’t be able to afford paying for rent. She also seems too focused on finding Prince Charming. Aside from that, there’s nothing more I can say about her.

Kailyn. Kailyn irritated me almost as much as Jenelle did, and so did her boyfriend “Jo” {which is totally the chick’s way of spelling Jo by the way, real men spell it with an e at the end LOL!}. First of all…Jo seemed to desperately be searching for a way out. Complaining about mileage put on his car? Really? Insignificant things like that are what breaks couples. Not to mention, he totally can’t complain about her visiting her friend Kim because he was basically gone every night when she was pregnant. Then he breaks up with her and expects her to find her own way, and gets pissed off when she moves into the basement. He’s never seemed to understand her situation ~ that her mother is an award winning dipwad and she has nowhere else to go. Jo’s parents’ both seem to be the ones that understand and support Kailyn. I sort of expected their relationship to dissipate from the very first time I watched their 16 and Pregnant episode. And Kailyn herself irritates me because she’s so dependent on everyone else. Girl’s gotta realize that not everyone can take care of her and the baby forever. If I were in that situation, I would have somehow found my own place, even if it meant going through welfare or affordable housing. Because really, that situation can not be good on her mental health. Jo doesn’t want her there and makes it very clear.

At least after the first season of Teen Mom 2, Kailyn will be able to afford her own place with the baby.

On to Leah. I honestly didn’t really like her at all on 16 and Pregnant, she made a lot of stupid decisions regarding her relationship with Corey. But, she’s trying to make amends, and from what I can tell she’s a pretty great mom. She’s got double the responsibilities and she handles them pretty damn well. I’m hoping that Leah and Corey can make their relationship work, because they have it if they want to work on it.

The previews for next week’s episode {the season itself?} totally had me grinding my teeth. So much stinking drama. I’m honestly not going to enjoy watching it. I’ll watch it because I have to now, I have to see how all their stories pan out, but honestly I just wish they had thrown in Ebony or Lizzie. I liked those girls. They were doing great, and so were their partners.

I’m just…blown away. I really wish Jenelle hadn’t gotten a spot on the show. She alone gives teen moms such a horrible name.

I feel like MTV picked these girls {note; Jenelle} basically for their stupidity and drama. I know that drama sells, but it makes me sick to my stomach watching it. I know that the simple solution is don’t watch it, but I feel like I have to or something.

I also think that Whitney should have made it onto one of the Teen Mom shows. For one; she’s not just dealing with being a teen mom, she’s dealing with having a child with a disability. Baby Weston’s condition, Alpha 1-antitrypsin is pretty unpredictable too. It would have been interesting for them to show what Whitney goes through, the worries on top of regular mom worries, the expenses, etc etc.

MTV needs to focus less on drama and more on reality.

They also need to stop paying the dumb ones {Jenelle, Amber} so much money and get them actual help. In the first Teen Mom, you don’t actually see Amber getting help. You don’t actually see the reality of her losing custody and going through the process of trying to get her daughter back. THAT is a reality that some teen mom’s need to see, the ones who go out partying like Jenelle all the time. Babies aren’t toys, they’re people. You can’t just be a mom when you want to be. Maybe Teen Mom 2 will be a little more real when showing the reality of Jenelle’s actions. I sure hope so.

Did you watch last night’s Teen Mom 2? What are your thoughts?

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Heart Hurt

Note: please read these two posts before continuing with this one. It might make more sense…or perhaps not, because this post is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotional barf.

What hurts the most is the fact that she should know that the pain she’s inflicting by her careless actions is damaging her relationship with us all beyond repair, but it still doesn’t stop her…she still don’t seem to care at all. It’s like she has thrown us all aside for something “new and better”. I feel like she is blaming us for everything that happened in the past year, and even before that, and that’s not fair. And I know, I shouldn’t let it get to me, I should just stick by my words that I said to her: I’m done. But I can’t push her entirely from my mind. A little tidbit of information about what she’s saying now or doing next will get back to me, and it will be just like that day when all these truths came to the surface: when I saw her for who she really is.

She is someone who cannot and will not own her own mistakes. She is someone who puts the blame on anyone else’s shoulders. She victimizes herself, and surrounds herself with people who fuel her ill mind. She justifies her every action with the most ridiculous explanation. It’s because he left. It’s because an 18 year old called her some names on Facebook. It’s because we don’t care about her suffering. It’s because we told her to just get over it. She is someone who has lied, repeatedly, so much so over the past year that she can’t even tell the difference between the truth of what happened and her truth of what happened.

Worst of all? She is someone who lets a horrible, horrible person speak with such disrespect and malice towards her own children. She has let this horrible person come between her and her children, and who does that?

She can’t see the lies she’s painting. She can’t see the hurt she’s inflicting. Or maybe she does, and maybe she doesn’t care.

I have a sick, horrible feeling that when she leaves this province, I will never see her – or hear from her – again. I mean, I don’t hear from her now…she hasn’t responded to texts or emails, and I’ve stopped trying since I sent that last email calling her on all her shit. But, I literally feel as though she’ll fall off the face of the earth and that none of us will hear from her again.

And a part of me wonders if that’s for the best.

The amount of pain and turmoil she’s caused in the past months is ridiculous, and I’m having such a hard time dealing with it…accepting it, coming to terms with it. I always thought she suffered from depression, but never in a million years did I see her doing this to us.

Or did I? Perhaps that is the hardest tidbit for me to digest. After the way she acted all year-long, I wasn’t entirely shocked when the depths of her selfishness came to light. It was maddening to see the truth, right there in front of me, but I wasn’t completely shocked. I sensed it coming. I want to believe that I never saw it coming but that would be a half truth. I was blinded to it. Nobody wants to see the people they care about in that light.

It seems so unfair to me that she is taking everything she can from us. Our right to a mother who cares, the possessions we hold dear in our hearts – like the oak table the entire family sat around for holidays and get togethers and every other night of the week, the deacons benches that Papa made with the wood from the old Farmhouse – and just selling them or giving them away to other people because she can. The things he nearly broke his back working hard to buy for us, will probably all be posted on the Internet for sale by the end of the week and all of the profit will go into her pocket. Of course, we’re going to try and get some of it back, but I can’t see her giving us a thing. She’ll probably say something like “we abandoned her”, or “we chose him over her”.***

I am disgusted in her every action right now. Months ago, I remember confiding into my husband and telling him I know she’s my mother, but I am disgusted by her right now. And that was before any of the major shit happened, before she kicked my baby sister out on the street for “not following the rules”, before she said hurtful things to us all and let that monster she calls a friend insult us and make fun of us. Back when she was just “on vacation” for a month, “finding herself”. I was disgusted because my little sister was left at home in her time of need to take care of the house and the other two people living in it. Too much responsibility, if you ask me – although my little sister handled it gracefully and kept that house spotless.

And I know, I’m “airing my dirty laundry” on the Internet, but since everybody can’t see it, I guess it’s okay, right? I need to write more about it, because it’s eating me up. Day in and day out, I over analyze the situation. I wonder why I can’t reach out to her and make her see how wrong she is, how wrong she’s been and make her realize that we are important. But why should I have to do that? Those are things she should know, the mother instinct bond that should be there even if we have all grown up.

It’s hard feeling like I don’t have a mother, that figure I can call up when my days are hard and I just need some advice. I know I haven’t had the best relationship with her in recent times, but I always figured we’d improve it as I got older. I figured we’d learn how to talk to each other, but nobody can talk to her.

I feel like I’ve lost so much over the past month. I feel like every childhood memory is tainted. Was it all a show? Did we mean anything to her? If we did, how can she turn her back on us now?

***I never wanted to choose. When my dad left my mom, I was angry and hurt, but I never wanted to choose. He was still my dad, the same man who loved me and continues to love me no matter what mistakes I’ve made or will make, and she’s mom, she’s supposed to do the same thing. So no, I didn’t choose. But she thinks I did because I said “his leaving and what he did are NOT good excuses for how YOUR acting right now. Only you are responsible for your actions, this is on you”. She only sees things the way she wants to see them though, and she sees this as me siding with him and “forgiving” him for putting her through hell (and again; I don’t think it’s my spot to forgive him, it’s hers.) Just to be clear…

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Meltdown

Today, I had a huge meltdown. Everything from the past little while was just sitting on my chest, crushing me with its weight and I had {and still have} no idea what to do to solve any of the puzzles that are in pieces in front of me. I’m standing here, feeling like a complete waste of skin and am utterly helpless. I wanted to write about it, and I wanted to write about everything that has been going on lately, but…I suppose you could say that I have ‘censorship’ block.

But I’m trying again, because I really do need some good writing therapy. I don’t need answers or suggestions, I just need to let it all out, yanno? And sometimes, the only place I feel like I can do such a thing is my blog. This is my outlet, and it’s been my outlet for so long now. I’ve learned how to zip my mouth about certain subjects, because not all laundry is meant to be aired…which is why I’m having such a hard time writing about this topic, because it involves money and being broke and stress and other ugly things people don’t necessarily want to read about.

However, there is something strong that is keeping these words flowing, and that is the thought that maybe by sharing I can help some other person in my place. Another young mom who is struggling to stay afloat.

When I started this blog, I wanted to be honest and open about everything; our triumphs as a family, and our struggles. Because in reality, it can’t all be rainbows and butterflies {but I so wish it could be}. For the most part, I’ve failed. I have been keeping my struggles, our struggles, to myself. I didn’t want anybody to think any less of me, or to judge us. But you know what? I’m doing the same thing that everyone else in this society does. I’m pretending that my shit don’t stink, that my life is perfect when it isn’t, and it’s not real.

And so, I’m going to try to hit that submit button.

::::

For months, I dealt with incredible stress and unhappiness living at my step MIL’s house. We had over stayed our welcome, we all felt that our entire family was too co-mingled, nobody was enjoying the arrangement anymore.

We decided to move out, Matt and I just felt that it would help lessen the tension on our relationship with his step mom and dad. And we were okay, because with disability and me working part-time, we would have had more than enough money to cover our basic living expenses. Yes, we would have to make sacrifices but we were so willing to make them in exchange for a little breathing room. We weren’t going to have TV or Internet {both of which we have now as a gift from Matt’s mom, Kim, while Matt’s in school}, and we were fine with that. We were going to take Matt’s truck off the road and use one vehicle.

And so, we found ourselves a lovely home, in a beautiful area 5 minutes away from my work and Matt’s school. The price was right and the landlords were wonderful. We signed the lease, handed over first and last and made preparations to move in. It was expensive, on account of we had to buy our own appliances and living room furniture etc. But we made it work with help from disability.

But then, the day we were moving into our new home, I found out from my worker that Matt’s year-to-date numbers on his separation papers don’t add up with what they have for him. Which means, basically, they over paid us. Which means we could owe them up a lot of money {a lot of money to us anyway}. I don’t know how this is even possible, but according to them it is. So now my disability is up for review. Which could mean two things; we could owe them and/or we could have my disability cut off. Which means that huge chunk of money coming in, that huge chunk of money that we were depending on in order to make this work? Would be gone.

Disability has been so slow with this whole review thing. I found out that this situation was happening on the 10th, it is now the 22nd and I’m no where closer to finding out what’s going to happen. I’ve submitted all my paperwork again, and I am waiting for my worker to do her job. Hell, I don’t even know if she’s looked at it or started my review yet, since every single time I call her she’s not in the office. And maybe she is doing her job and someone else isn’t, but really? I’m about to break from all the pressure I’m under.

Picture me as a vase; a vase that was broken into a thousand pieces and then glued back together again, and then someone decides to fill that broken, glued together vase with water and the water keeps seeping out of the cracks and the vase keeps looking as though it’s just going to burst and send broken vase pieces and water flying around with a tremendous POP.

All I wanted for us, was a home that we could be happy in. And we could be happy in this one, if we knew the outcome of all this bullshit. We do have plans, but we can’t even begin to go about executing them until we find out what the fuck is going on. And how do you find out what the fuck is going on when your worker is never in the office? Right now; we’re stuck in a pool of thick, swampy stress and it sucks.

I am furious. I keep picturing that woman I saw the first day I went down to the disability office to have my intake appointment, the woman who kept dropping beer bottles. The glass would shatter on the floor, inside the disability office and the receptionist wouldn’t even bother to pay attention. Beer and glass were everywhere thanks to this lady, and the reception just pretended to see nothing. I later watched this woman take her monthly disability check and leave, leaving the broken beer glass and beer mess in the waiting area. It angers me that I had to fight so damn hard to get disability, and now I’m having such trouble trying to keep it while that lady probably has absolutely no trouble at all.

Sorry, that’s just my bitterness talking. I’m really not meaning to judge that lady, who knows what kind of life she’s had and has. I’m just entirely frustrated with this situation. I feel like stomping my feet and crying. How come everything I touch turns to shit?

And all this crap just fuels my secret fear; that I’m not good enough.

Really though, we are trying to figure this crap out. And we do have some plans. We’ve listed Matt’s truck for sale, along with all of its bells and whistles. I have no idea what we’ll be allowed to do with the money, but it will relieve some stress, I’d hope. It will either go to paying off our overpayments, or the next few months of rent/living expenses. In any case, we can’t afford to keep both vehicles. It’s sad, and it hurts my heart that Matt has to sell his beloved truck, but we keep telling ourselves just two more years. We just need to get through two more years of this kind of living.

We’ll be alright; it’s just going to be a REALLY tight month {or two} while we wait for Matt’s unemployment to kick in {he’s in school full-time and can’t work because I work when he’s not in school} and for disability to figure out what’s going on with the whole review thing. It’s just an insane amount of stress and stupidness that we didn’t factor in. But hey, I’m told that’s life, right?

On a brighter note; Matt is still doing amazing in school. He’s loving it, and I’m so glad and proud of him. If it weren’t for all this silly money stress, we’d be living the high life!

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