Category Archives: ed-u-ma-cation

Attention Asshat Drivers: Stop Taking Risks

I don’t know what it is about snow storms that bring out total douchebags on the road, but I’m tired for it. I’m longing for spring – but I know that spring doesn’t grantee douchebag free roads. But still. Winter makes it worse. Especially because the douchebags drive like there isn’t tons of slippery snow and ice on the asphalt.

This evening, I was backing out of my driveway to drive Britt and Serena home. My driveway is at the bottom of a hill on a well traveled road, but I assure you I checked and double checked before backing out. I was about a quarter of the way finished backing out when some asshat appears at the top of the hill, driving towards us. Clearly, I’m backing out of my driveway. My car is pretty damn noticeable, and the dude had plenty of time to slow the fuck down. But guess what? He didn’t. He nearly smashed into me and was on my ass so much so that I had to honk at him to show my annoyance {even though he was behind me…but I’m pretty sure he knew who I was honking at}, and when I was straightening out he decided to try and get around me. With another car coming in the opposite direction. Which caused me to nearly drive into the ditch. When I laid my hand on the horn he {or she} stopped trying to get around and I was able to straighten out and drive forward but I was not comfortable at all, since this idiot put us in danger countless times within 1 minute AND continued to ride my ass.

To the driver of that car: What. The. Fuck. You asshole prick! I had two babies in my car! TWO. And another one on the way! I’m sorry that slowing down and allowing me to completely back out of my driveway without harrassing my back end would waste so much of your precious time, but guess what’s more precious than your time? Our lives. All of ours, even your douchebag life. But most importantly: those babies lives are more important than your “inconvenience” of having to slow down {which, I might add…YOU DIDN’T. AT ALL}.

I am so tired of sharing the roads with risk takers. People who just “don’t have the time” to slow the hell down and drive safely. People who don’t let others have the right of way when they rightfully have it. People who speed through four way stops because stopping is just such a drag.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve almost been in an accident due to somebody’s stupid dick moves on the road. Honestly? I’m a good driver. I’m careful, but I’m not a turtle. I don’t endanger people by driving too slow and I don’t endanger people by driving too fast. I am cautious and I react well {for the most part}. I drive for the weather conditions. I don’t cut people off, or steal their right away. I drive like I’m carrying precious cargo because I am. My baby – ok, I guess I should say babies -are the most important people in my life, and I’m tired of douchebags putting our lives in danger because they’re taking stupid risks.

I really hope that this post reaches out to at least one douchebag driver out there, and makes them think twice before taking stupid risks. Remember: it’s not just your life you’re risking, you’re risking the lives of other people too, the lives of kids and babies. So slow the fuck down and chill out. Drive with caution and care of everyone else on the road as well as yourself, and don’t take risks. Don’t endanger other people, and don’t endanger my babies or my friends babies, don’t endanger my nieces and nephews.

That’s all, thanks.

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In 5 or 10 Years…

I had the worst nightmare the other night, and I’m pretty sure that was the reason why I had such a hard time falling into a deep, untroubled sleep. In my nightmare, it was 5 or 10 years from now – Nolan was in school and Matt was working full-time. I was at still a stay at home mom, literally just sitting around doing nothing.

I have no idea where to begin explaining why this dream actually terrified me so much. When I was in my late teens, my one desire was that I would have a career and a great paying job doing something I loved. I always dreamed that I would be successful and that my children would have everything they wanted with two working parents. I always thought I would go to college, get my education, land the perfect job and then find the perfect man, get married, buy a house and then have kids.

I did it ass backwards.

I met the perfect man, fell in love, started college, found out I was pregnant and, overwhelmed, dropped out of college. Then I got engaged, got an apartment with my then fiance, gave birth to our beautiful baby boy, and after 7 months of struggling, we moved back in with Matt’s dad to get out of debt and get ahead in life. We got out of debt, then got married (without managing to go back into debt – SCORE), moved back out on our own, and my husband started college. He’s doing amazing thus far, and I’m not ashamed of our path that we’ve taken. I’m so proud of it, of us. We’ve come a long way from that day we found out we were pregnant.

But this isn’t what I envisioned. I thought I would be done school by now and working a job I loved, proud of making money and being independent.

Don’t get me wrong: I am loving being a stay at home mama right now. I’m blessed that our situation allows for this opportunity; I’m blessed that I am the one who gets to be here for every first, for every milestone.

But when Nolan is in school full-time, I won’t be needed here 24/7. I will have a huge time-block during the day that I’ll need to fill up. I guess part of my subconscious is just afraid I’ll end up like her. Wanting to keep “being around” in case the opportunity pops up for a vacation of some sorts. Fearful of going back to school with all the “younger kids” and being the “oldest one there”

But I know this won’t be the case, I know I am different. I know I won’t settle for anything less than a career in a field doing something I love.

I don’t know when I’m going back to school: that’s still up in the air. Our focus right now is getting my husband through school. It’s his turn to shine, and I don’t mind stepping back and helping him reach for his dreams. Matt’s confidence has just exploded over the last little while, especially since we moved up North. From early spring on, he was working at a job that he loved – it was physically demanding, challenging and it paid the bills and then some. It was the first time we, as a couple, ever had money left over after paying for life’s essentials (rent, groceries, bills, etc). We were able to get out of debt AND get married, and that’s pretty damn amazing.

Then when he went back to school, his confidence further grew to epic proportions. I love listening to him talk about welding stuff, even if I have literally no idea what any of the jargon means. I am so proud of his marks, he’s doing amazingly well and even if he is struggling a bit in some classes (like Communications), he’s working so hard to pull up his marks and it shows. On his last several assignments, he landed a mark in the 76% zone. My heart shines with pride when I watch him working so hard and doing so good!

I was supposed to go to school this year too, and while I do sometimes feel sad that I didn’t get to go, I know the timing wasn’t right. Matt will graduate in August 2011, and then we can start saving for me to go to school. I want to have my tuition, books, other school expenses, and day care while I’m in school covered before I apply again. When Matt graduates this program and finds a job in his field (which he will, the Welder/Pipe Fitter industry is booming right now, at least where we are!), this will be easy enough to do. We plan on renting until I finish college too, that way we don’t have to worry about household expenses. We want to have money to invest into our home, and we’re happy renting until we feel we can take that plunge (but I still day dream of the day we can!).

So, with our lives basically mapped out over the next 5 or 10 years, I can’t understand why I kept having that dream and panicking. I know that I’m going back to school to get an education and a high paying job. I know that I’ll succeed and make my son proud of me. I know that he will be able to see his parents’ work ethic and his will be strong too. And I know that even if we aren’t a “success story” yet, we will get there. We are driven to succeed, and determination is the main ingredient in success.

So kindly screw off panicked nightmares about never returning to college. They are nightmares for a reason!

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On Budgeting & Saving

Matt and I never used to budget. A year ago, we were over spending and getting ourselves into some serious consumers debt….all because we had no idea how to budget or set priorities. We have since gotten out of debt, and now we budget. Like, all the time. Each month I write out a list of our monthly income and divide up where our money needs to go. Rent, groceries, hydro & gas, cars, and cell phones. Anything left over, lately, has been going into our Christmas fund.

Take yesterday, for example. I received my baby bonus…I paid Matt’s cell phone bill, the hydro bill, and did some serious grocery shopping. I then did some Christmas shopping, because I have this reoccurring nightmare that it’ll be Christmas day and there will be no presents under the tree for Nolan. I bought presents for all the babies, and got Nolan a few things. The “extra” money that was left over (and unaccounted for in my budget) went to “date night”, which actually ended up being free thanks to our Scotiabank Scene cards – two free movie tickets, popcorn and two drinks absolutely free. Our sitter didn’t even cost money, because my SIL refused to accept it. So our date night was free. Matt asked if he could spend some money on buying xBox online minutes, and I said yes because I know he’d still be whining about it if I didn’t, and since we hadn’t spent a dime on our date night, I figured the money was there.

What I didn’t account for (or remember, at that point) was that we had grabbed McDonalds for dinner, as we were out too late Christmas shopping and didn’t have the time to cook anything and it was Nolan’s dinner time. But I totally forgot about it, so when I checked the bank account balance and discovered our grand total was 13.50, I nearly shat a brick.

I was supposed to be going to a fundraiser tonight for my neighbor/friend/landlord with another friend. However, I still need to buy my birth control pills so I can no longer go to the fundraiser and I am kicking myself in the ass for not paying more attention to where the extra money was going. Yes, we needed to pay those bills, get groceries and I did need to do some Christmas shopping – but I should have paid more attention to where the extra money was going.

Matt is also famous for not paying attention, as I am the one that usually handles money (and I’ve gotten way better at it in the past year!). He makes the money, I decide where it goes. And I’m proud that I’m no longer indulgent. I mean, yes…I allowed Matt to get his xBox minutes, but we’ve cut our spending down so much and I constantly say no to him about everything. And, this is also part of his Christmas present. I was going to make him wait until Christmas for it, but we all know I wouldn’t have survived the constant whining. Yes, I’m married to a 12-year-old (some times).**

Despite all this, I’m not too worried about “our situation”. We have enough groceries and gas to last until our next “payday”. We don’t have any bills coming up either. So, I’ll just have to miss out on the fundraiser tonight (so I can buy my birth control pills) and it will be a lesson to me to pay more attention to where our “extra” money is going, especially considering that our “extra” money wasn’t (and isn’t usually) all that much.

I still need to improve our saving habits, I know this – and I’m working on it. While our spending habits have improved tenfold, our saving habits need some serious improvement. Matt and I have always had the foolish mindset that “if we have it in the bank, why not spend it and treat ourselves?”. Once I get over the hurdle of Christmas, We will be able to focus more on saving…because we’re both realizing now that saving is a bigger treat than spending immediately. We want to save for a new sofa, new[er] appliances, and other things that might come up.

We both used to be a lot worse on indulging then we are today. Yesterday was our first date night since the summer time, before we got married. Last year, we racked up over 2 grand in debt over cell phones because we just didn’t pay the bills, or tried to get out of three year contracts because we wanted new phones with different phone companies. We were so stupid, it’s ridiculous! I’m glad we moved up North, got the help (and the kicks in the asses) that we desperately need. We literally needed someone to take our hand and show us how to be adults (when it came to spending).

I’m thankful that my father-in-law and step-mom-in-law were able to teach us those things, to hold our hands and guide us in the right direction. Even though it was super hard merging households and even though our relationship became rocky due to living so close to one another, I’m glad we moved in with them. I know I had my share of problems with them, and they with us, but I’m glad that they gave us the tools we needed in order to learn how to budget.

I know that if we had stayed down south, and continued putting our heads in the sand every time we got a call from a collection agency, we would not be as happy as we are today. Yes, we still argue about money and get stressed out, but we know what we’re doing – to an extent, anyway. We need to smarten up with the whole saving bit, for sure.

I’m glad we’ve come a long way in budgeting. We get it now, how important it is to have money set aside for rent, hydro, gas, groceries, and other monthly bills. We don’t have to worry about not making rent because we know exactly where our money is going. Now I just need to master the rainy day fund and the saving fund, and then we’ll be set for life. We have zero credit cards to get ourselves into trouble with, and I’m glad. We’re still building our credit by paying our hydro bills and cell phone bills on time each month, so I’m not too concerned.

There are two areas I really want to focus on in the next 9 months (for the rest of the time that Matt’s in school):

  • Learning how to keep money in the rainy day fund, for “just in case” circumstances.
  • Putting a set amount of money away into a savings account, for the things we want to buy.

I know we’ll be alright, because each day we get better with budgeting and handling our money. And our determination to stop being idiots when it comes to this kind of thing is legit.

I’ve asked Matt to tell me “no” when I say “I want to get this RIGHT NOW!” Matt has a very hard time telling me no, because he wants to give me everything that I want. While his intentions are sweet, I always feel bad afterwards and blame him for not saying no. It goes both ways – when Matt wants something, I hate saying no. I do it more than I did before and I’m definitely better at telling him no then he is at telling me no, but still there are times that I give in when I probably shouldn’t. (Example: the flatscreen TV he bought when we first moved out).

That’s something else we both need to work on.

Holy jeebus, is there ever a time when we don’t need to work on something?

But honestly; it’ll be worth it. I feel like we’re learning these lessons sooner than a lot of people our age learn them. Yes, we’ve taken the harder path to get here…but at least we’ll never make the same mistakes again!

I guess the whole point of this post is that budgeting and saving both are really important, and that if I could tell my younger self something, it’d be to learn these lessons sooner 😀 If I had, maybe I would already have that new sofa I want, and tons of money saved up 😛

Ah well, baby steps…right?

How are you with managing moneys? Are you good at budgeting and saving? What areas do you feel you need to work on?

**I just want to make it clear that Matt is NOT 12, for those of you who are new readers. LOL.

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Thankful for: Thursdays at Home, & PJs

I feel blessed and lucky to be able to stay home with Nolan. Working right now isn’t exactly an option (not when day care costs basically eat up all the “extra” money I would make), so I’ve had the pleasure of being a stay at home mom since Nolan was born. Sure, I’ve worked a few part-time jobs (and still babysit on occasion), but for the most part I get to spend my days with this beautiful, busy bundle of joy.

Watching him learn and grow – helping him learn and grow – has been an amazing experience that I relish in. I love that he can say a few sentences now, and while they aren’t perfectly pronounced and I’m sure nobody but Matt and I understand him, it’s a wonder being able to communicate with him.

(Although, let’s be real here…Nolan has always had his own way of communicate. Example: grunting/screaming/squealing whilst pointing at the object he wants…but I much prefer the talking, even if it is in “his own language” – it’s a language I can understand, and it’s one that doesn’t make my ears bleed. Like the screaming. Which still, on occasion, happens – like today, after lunch).

Anyways, I’ve enjoyed the past 18 – nearly 19 – months of staying at home with him, watching him grow and discover. If we get bored, we go out. This town has way more things to do than our old home town did, and the EYC here is amazing. Nolan loves it and I love it. So yeah, there’s always something to do…and with out backyard? There’s always the option of going outside! (Unless the weather is bad). If all else fails, there’s the mall for some people watching and window shopping. There’s books to read, games to play…it’s fun being a stay at home mom. Yes, there are moments when I wish I could take a break – like this afternoon, when Nolan started screaming for no reason other than he likes the sound his voice makes and thinks it’s funny, so now my brain hurts. But, for the most part? I’m glad I get to stay at home with him. I’m thankful for all the days I get to spend, watching each and every one of his firsts.

And I know, I’ve been longing to go back to school and been considering getting another job – but the cool thing is….I don’t have to rush my decision. Either way, I have plenty of time to decide what it is I want to do and when it is I’m going to do it. Right now, the important things that I am focusing are consist of making my little man’s (and my husband’s!) days full of love, laughter, and learning, and helping Matt reach the goals he’s set for himself and our family.

I’m in no rush, I’m perfectly content in what I’m doing….

Because what I’m doing is important and it is a career and it is a job – one that I love very, very much…

And I know that when I decide to go back to school, I will do amazing. I know that I will never stop reaching for my goals, even if they seem out of reach or too high…I could always take a cue from that boy, and climb on a wooden chair and reach a little further.

Sometimes, I need a reminder that what I’m doing is good enough for me, because it is, I just sometimes lose sight of that because I get so overwhelmed and wrapped up in the you must have an education and a job in order to succeed mind-frame that I don’t feel as if I am succeeding, when I am doing just that – succeeding.

These are the most important days of his life, these early days, and I’m glad I’m here to share them with him.

(And to take some wickedly awesome photos along the way).

Talking to my dad this afternoon seemed to cure some of the anxiety and pressure I was feeling and placing on myself to make a decision, now about my future in terms of careers. His faith in me made me realize that I don’t have to freak out about it and worry about it right now. I’m making enquiries, I’m considering my options. I need to worry about my health, and then I can make a decision.

I’ve got the ball rolling, but within control. I’m not going to go nuts trying to figure this out when I don’t have to. Not right now. There is still plenty of time.

And I’m doing good things here, in the now, being a stay at home mom.

So I’m not going to let myself feel like if I don’t figure that stuff out right now, I’ll never go back to school – because I know that I will. If not this year, then next year. If not next year, then the following year. You can count on it.

But for the time being, I’m just going to enjoy this.

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The one where I discuss my plans for the future and stuff…

When are you going back to school?

I get asked that question so often, it’s pretty insane. Most of the people who ask me mean well – actually, I think all of them but a select few mean well. The “older” mothers from the EYC ask because they’re looking out for me. They know how hard it is when you’re just starting out – a young married couple with a baby. Of course, there is the rare person who asks because they are nosey and don’t think very highly of a young stay at home, uneducated mother.

Anyways, we all know that I was this close to going back to college this September. I was enrolled and thought I had the tuition covered. However, my “investors” decided to back out because “circumstances had changed”, and they were only willing to pay for Matt’s education (which I’m entirely grateful for!). So, I didn’t end up going back to school. It was hard to deal with – I was so excited – but at least Matt is in college and we are taking giant leaps in the right direction to a better future.

But, I am determined to get my own education and have a career working a job that I love. Just because I haven’t gotten there yet, doesn’t mean I’m not going to. Right now we are focusing on Matt’s education, because once he graduates and gets a job – everything else will easily fall into place. We’ll have a steady source of income and be able to work towards me getting my education.

I know that Matt comes first right now, but I’ve still been thinking a lot lately in terms of what I want to do with my life. Originally, I wanted to go to school for Medical Office Administration. It would be a job that would put food on the table and pay the bills, but I’m not sure if I see myself doing that…I will do that, because I easily understand computer applications and the medical field is very interesting to me. But…how do you know  if it’s something you want to do forever? I’ve already started college twice for two programs, and dropped out. Maybe I was scared, or maybe I just didn’t have the confidence. Maybe I just wasn’t ready for the demands of college…but my track record isn’t exactly great. I kick myself every day for dropping out (especially out of the first program, Social Service Work, because I did love it and was doing very well in it…)

I’ve been thinking about other options…trying to pin point exactly what field I want to work in. I know that my body would benefit from a less physically demanding job, so I was going to try to pursue a free program in order to get my office administration experience, however this fell through because I couldn’t find a day care that was both affordable and willing to take Nolan on in time for me to start the program. I was discouraged, because money is always a factor for my set backs….this program would give me the work experience, but I would have to pay for day care for the 15 week course and I wouldn’t be making money immediately. We just can’t afford to do that right now.

However, I’ve been considering yet another option…I’m looking into an apprenticeship for Early Childhood Education. I need to get a job and a sponsor at a day care in order to qualify for this college program, but once I have that I will be able to do the apprenticeship. What appeals to me is the fact that it’s a pay by the course program, meaning huge chunks of money are not due each term. And it’s also subsidized, so the theory and placement courses aren’t all that expensive, and you can take the programs during the night or do correspondence. I’ll also get paid for the day care job, so yeah. It sounds too good to be true. Plus, I love kids, and I think it would be a fun job. I think I would enjoy it a lot.

I have booked an appointment next week with the employment agency to get the ball rolling on finding a job in an actual day care, to see if I can get a sponsor and start this program. I am hoping for a part-time position if possible, because I still want to spend as much time with Nolan as I possibly can, but if he had to go in full-time day care, he would love it so I’m not too concerned. I would miss him more than he would miss me. Isn’t that how it usually works out?

I’m not sure if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life – but it’s a start. I’m hoping this all pans out, even if I decide in five years that this isn’t what I want to do, I’ll still have an education and experience to fall back on. This can be my “gateway” career – the one that allows me to save in order to go back to school when I finally figure out for sure what it is that I want to do.

So, my goals:

  • Find a job in a day care and get a sponsor.
  • Get enrolled in the apprenticeship program.

We’ll see what happenings with this…fingers are crossed…

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Meltdown

Today, I had a huge meltdown. Everything from the past little while was just sitting on my chest, crushing me with its weight and I had {and still have} no idea what to do to solve any of the puzzles that are in pieces in front of me. I’m standing here, feeling like a complete waste of skin and am utterly helpless. I wanted to write about it, and I wanted to write about everything that has been going on lately, but…I suppose you could say that I have ‘censorship’ block.

But I’m trying again, because I really do need some good writing therapy. I don’t need answers or suggestions, I just need to let it all out, yanno? And sometimes, the only place I feel like I can do such a thing is my blog. This is my outlet, and it’s been my outlet for so long now. I’ve learned how to zip my mouth about certain subjects, because not all laundry is meant to be aired…which is why I’m having such a hard time writing about this topic, because it involves money and being broke and stress and other ugly things people don’t necessarily want to read about.

However, there is something strong that is keeping these words flowing, and that is the thought that maybe by sharing I can help some other person in my place. Another young mom who is struggling to stay afloat.

When I started this blog, I wanted to be honest and open about everything; our triumphs as a family, and our struggles. Because in reality, it can’t all be rainbows and butterflies {but I so wish it could be}. For the most part, I’ve failed. I have been keeping my struggles, our struggles, to myself. I didn’t want anybody to think any less of me, or to judge us. But you know what? I’m doing the same thing that everyone else in this society does. I’m pretending that my shit don’t stink, that my life is perfect when it isn’t, and it’s not real.

And so, I’m going to try to hit that submit button.

::::

For months, I dealt with incredible stress and unhappiness living at my step MIL’s house. We had over stayed our welcome, we all felt that our entire family was too co-mingled, nobody was enjoying the arrangement anymore.

We decided to move out, Matt and I just felt that it would help lessen the tension on our relationship with his step mom and dad. And we were okay, because with disability and me working part-time, we would have had more than enough money to cover our basic living expenses. Yes, we would have to make sacrifices but we were so willing to make them in exchange for a little breathing room. We weren’t going to have TV or Internet {both of which we have now as a gift from Matt’s mom, Kim, while Matt’s in school}, and we were fine with that. We were going to take Matt’s truck off the road and use one vehicle.

And so, we found ourselves a lovely home, in a beautiful area 5 minutes away from my work and Matt’s school. The price was right and the landlords were wonderful. We signed the lease, handed over first and last and made preparations to move in. It was expensive, on account of we had to buy our own appliances and living room furniture etc. But we made it work with help from disability.

But then, the day we were moving into our new home, I found out from my worker that Matt’s year-to-date numbers on his separation papers don’t add up with what they have for him. Which means, basically, they over paid us. Which means we could owe them up a lot of money {a lot of money to us anyway}. I don’t know how this is even possible, but according to them it is. So now my disability is up for review. Which could mean two things; we could owe them and/or we could have my disability cut off. Which means that huge chunk of money coming in, that huge chunk of money that we were depending on in order to make this work? Would be gone.

Disability has been so slow with this whole review thing. I found out that this situation was happening on the 10th, it is now the 22nd and I’m no where closer to finding out what’s going to happen. I’ve submitted all my paperwork again, and I am waiting for my worker to do her job. Hell, I don’t even know if she’s looked at it or started my review yet, since every single time I call her she’s not in the office. And maybe she is doing her job and someone else isn’t, but really? I’m about to break from all the pressure I’m under.

Picture me as a vase; a vase that was broken into a thousand pieces and then glued back together again, and then someone decides to fill that broken, glued together vase with water and the water keeps seeping out of the cracks and the vase keeps looking as though it’s just going to burst and send broken vase pieces and water flying around with a tremendous POP.

All I wanted for us, was a home that we could be happy in. And we could be happy in this one, if we knew the outcome of all this bullshit. We do have plans, but we can’t even begin to go about executing them until we find out what the fuck is going on. And how do you find out what the fuck is going on when your worker is never in the office? Right now; we’re stuck in a pool of thick, swampy stress and it sucks.

I am furious. I keep picturing that woman I saw the first day I went down to the disability office to have my intake appointment, the woman who kept dropping beer bottles. The glass would shatter on the floor, inside the disability office and the receptionist wouldn’t even bother to pay attention. Beer and glass were everywhere thanks to this lady, and the reception just pretended to see nothing. I later watched this woman take her monthly disability check and leave, leaving the broken beer glass and beer mess in the waiting area. It angers me that I had to fight so damn hard to get disability, and now I’m having such trouble trying to keep it while that lady probably has absolutely no trouble at all.

Sorry, that’s just my bitterness talking. I’m really not meaning to judge that lady, who knows what kind of life she’s had and has. I’m just entirely frustrated with this situation. I feel like stomping my feet and crying. How come everything I touch turns to shit?

And all this crap just fuels my secret fear; that I’m not good enough.

Really though, we are trying to figure this crap out. And we do have some plans. We’ve listed Matt’s truck for sale, along with all of its bells and whistles. I have no idea what we’ll be allowed to do with the money, but it will relieve some stress, I’d hope. It will either go to paying off our overpayments, or the next few months of rent/living expenses. In any case, we can’t afford to keep both vehicles. It’s sad, and it hurts my heart that Matt has to sell his beloved truck, but we keep telling ourselves just two more years. We just need to get through two more years of this kind of living.

We’ll be alright; it’s just going to be a REALLY tight month {or two} while we wait for Matt’s unemployment to kick in {he’s in school full-time and can’t work because I work when he’s not in school} and for disability to figure out what’s going on with the whole review thing. It’s just an insane amount of stress and stupidness that we didn’t factor in. But hey, I’m told that’s life, right?

On a brighter note; Matt is still doing amazing in school. He’s loving it, and I’m so glad and proud of him. If it weren’t for all this silly money stress, we’d be living the high life!

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(Almost) Fresh Faced College Students

I woke up early today, and I went straight out to my computer and logged into OCAS. I closed my eyes tightly as I waited for the Offers of Admission page to load, hoping I wouldn’t see the “0 offers of admission” at the top of the page as I had every day last week when I checked (ahead of time of course, they weren’t going to send out offers until this week…what can I say, I am impatient).

I held my breath and very slowly opened my eyes. You have 2 active offers of admission! Was the sentence at the top of the page, in place of Zero offers of admission. I couldn’t ignore the huge bubble of hope that rose in my chest. I scrolled down and was momentarily confused, I had offers of admission to Office Administration and Office Administration – General, but no Office Administration – Medical. I had to go to the college website to double check those programs, and breathed a sigh of relief upon realizing that my Medical course was included in the Office Administration program. Second year, I would get to pick out my classes; Legal or Medical. I hit accept this offer, and accepted my offer for a better future.

I signed out, and quickly went into Matt’s OCAS account. I had to know it was good news before I woke him up. I did the same thing again; I closed my eyes and held my breath. You have 2 active offers of admission! I scrolled down to find that he had been accepted into the Welder/Pipe Fitter course and the Electrician course. I practically flew to our bedroom and told him to get up quickly, come with me!

I showed him, and he smiled through the sleep in his eyes. We accepted the offer to Welder/Pipe Fitter together, and thus Matt became a college bound student…me as well.

::::

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is the beginning, and on the beginning. We still have two years of hard work ahead of us; but there is a better future in sight. A future in which we can live comfortably, and provide easily for our son. A future in which we can actually see ourselves getting married, for we’ll be able to afford it. A future in which we see more children, way down the road, because we will be able to support them. We will be able to support the idea of them.

We will be able to function better as a couple, because all of the stress and the worry of not having much will be gone. We will have jobs, careers, money in the bank. Those worries will be replaced with new ones of course, but we will have jobs! Careers! Money in the bank!

I know it won’t be easy – we know it won’t be easy – but the important thing is that it will be worth it, to be financially secured…ooh to be financially secure! That is all kinds of independence right there, and I’m excited for it. I’m willing to work my ass off for it.

Am I nervous? Very much so. Is Matt? I’m 99.9% sure. We’re both not “youngsters” anymore, we have different priorities and goals and hopes and dreams from most of the people who will undoubtedly be in our programs. Having a kid changes everything, from how you act to how you talk. They will more than likely not have kids. But that’s okay, we don’t mind. We know all this going into it…I know all of this going into it.

Yes, I am aware that my track record for college has not been the greatest in the past, but when you have a baby…well that changes your perspective on things. And also, the third time is the charm…right?

This boy is what and whom we will be working so hard for; and, I suppose, for ourselves as well. To both have jobs we can be proud of, and the security of education…well, as I said…that would take a lot of stress off of our relationship.

And knowing that we’re in, we can relax ever so slightly and focus on paying of the majority of our debt.

What a great feeling!

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