Category Archives: issues

Attention Asshat Drivers: Stop Taking Risks

I don’t know what it is about snow storms that bring out total douchebags on the road, but I’m tired for it. I’m longing for spring – but I know that spring doesn’t grantee douchebag free roads. But still. Winter makes it worse. Especially because the douchebags drive like there isn’t tons of slippery snow and ice on the asphalt.

This evening, I was backing out of my driveway to drive Britt and Serena home. My driveway is at the bottom of a hill on a well traveled road, but I assure you I checked and double checked before backing out. I was about a quarter of the way finished backing out when some asshat appears at the top of the hill, driving towards us. Clearly, I’m backing out of my driveway. My car is pretty damn noticeable, and the dude had plenty of time to slow the fuck down. But guess what? He didn’t. He nearly smashed into me and was on my ass so much so that I had to honk at him to show my annoyance {even though he was behind me…but I’m pretty sure he knew who I was honking at}, and when I was straightening out he decided to try and get around me. With another car coming in the opposite direction. Which caused me to nearly drive into the ditch. When I laid my hand on the horn he {or she} stopped trying to get around and I was able to straighten out and drive forward but I was not comfortable at all, since this idiot put us in danger countless times within 1 minute AND continued to ride my ass.

To the driver of that car: What. The. Fuck. You asshole prick! I had two babies in my car! TWO. And another one on the way! I’m sorry that slowing down and allowing me to completely back out of my driveway without harrassing my back end would waste so much of your precious time, but guess what’s more precious than your time? Our lives. All of ours, even your douchebag life. But most importantly: those babies lives are more important than your “inconvenience” of having to slow down {which, I might add…YOU DIDN’T. AT ALL}.

I am so tired of sharing the roads with risk takers. People who just “don’t have the time” to slow the hell down and drive safely. People who don’t let others have the right of way when they rightfully have it. People who speed through four way stops because stopping is just such a drag.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve almost been in an accident due to somebody’s stupid dick moves on the road. Honestly? I’m a good driver. I’m careful, but I’m not a turtle. I don’t endanger people by driving too slow and I don’t endanger people by driving too fast. I am cautious and I react well {for the most part}. I drive for the weather conditions. I don’t cut people off, or steal their right away. I drive like I’m carrying precious cargo because I am. My baby – ok, I guess I should say babies -are the most important people in my life, and I’m tired of douchebags putting our lives in danger because they’re taking stupid risks.

I really hope that this post reaches out to at least one douchebag driver out there, and makes them think twice before taking stupid risks. Remember: it’s not just your life you’re risking, you’re risking the lives of other people too, the lives of kids and babies. So slow the fuck down and chill out. Drive with caution and care of everyone else on the road as well as yourself, and don’t take risks. Don’t endanger other people, and don’t endanger my babies or my friends babies, don’t endanger my nieces and nephews.

That’s all, thanks.

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Take THAT, apartment!!!

Over the past little while, I haven’t been on top of my “domestic duties”, so to speak. I know, this confession is shocking coming from me, huh? The one who actually believes in the 50s housewife mindset {to a degree, anyway}. But it’s true! I’ve been slacking, and then some! The soles of my slippers are caked in squished raisins – and that tells you about the cleanliness of my kitchen floor right there.

For the past week, I’ve been super lazy and tired. I think my iron is low – actually I know my iron is low. I don’t get nearly enough red meats, nor do I eat anything else high in iron. So I’ve been lazy, spending most of my afternoons doing nothing but cuddling up my baby boy and reading stories to him. During his nap time, I also nap…or have been, anyway. Our bedroom was a laundry war-zone, piles of dirty scattered about on the floor and baskets of clean stacked high to the ceiling. I was too lazy to fold the clean laundry, and thus didn’t have any baskets for the dirty laundry. Nor did I have any room in the baskets for more clean laundry so I couldn’t just toss it into the washer and dryer to get rid of it. No, that would mean that I would actually have to fold some of the clean clothes. I did manage to stay on top of the dishes, more or less. After all, we don’t have a dish washer and even at my most laziest moments I can’t stand having dirty dishes in my sink. So, go me for that at least!

Yeah, I’ve been the definition of lazy. Even my blogging indicates that, and that’s totally okay. We’re all entitled to moments {er, in my case, weeks} of laziness. I prefer to call it “weeks of rest”, thank you very much.

In any case, I’ve broken out of the fog spell and slapped myself upside the head. I am the one who does the majority of the cleaning {okay, all of it – although hubs does help me tidy up toys in the evening}, because I am the one that gets bothered most by mess and dirty things. I’ve mentioned thousands of times before that Matt does not see messes the way I see them. He’s blind to them. They don’t exist. The man will cook a fantastic dinner, but leave all of the dishes on the counter. I’m lucky if some of them make it into the sink. So, if I’m the only one who does all the majority of the cleaning, you can bet your socks that our apartment needed my love and attention. So this morning, I gave it just that.

A huge chore for me was the recycling under the sink. We have a little blue recycling bin that is supposed to be taken out to our big recycling bin outside when it gets full. However, our big recycling bin is currently buried under tons of snow, I’ve attempted to make Matt dig it out several times before but according to him “it’s frozen to the ground and if he tries to get it out the bottom will come out.” So, we technically don’t have the use of a big recycling bin. I keep forgetting to go to Walmart and pick up a new one {that will we store in Matt’s truck cab}, not to mention Matt missed recycling this week. {He claims it doesn’t matter, because he didn’t have anything to put all the recycling in anyway – since our big bin is, again, buried}. Trust me when I say that the recycling literally piled up to the point where you couldn’t even open the cupboard doors under the sink without tons of it falling out at you. And I kept leaving it, thinking that Matt would deal with it. Pfft, yeah right! Matt deal with a mess?!? Even with my constant bitching about it, it stayed under the sink. He kept saying “oh, I’ll put it all in bags and put it in the back of my truck for now”.

Guess what I did today? I put all of the recycling in bags and then brought it out to Matt’s truck and tossed it in the cab. Now, the cupboard under my sink looks exactly how it’s supposed to…like this:

And Matt’s truck cab is loaded up with bags full of recycling, waiting for the day when we finally get our asses to Walmart to buy a new big recycling bin. Which, if I have anything to do with it, will be happening very soon. I think it looks really trashy {snort, trash…get it!?} and I want that dealt with ASAP. While it brings me such joy to see Matt’s truck cab full of recycling, that joy is dampened by the facts that a) he doesn’t drive his truck during the winter so what kind of punishment is that anyway? and b) as I said, it’s totally trashy and I hate trashy.

So, yeah. That was a huge chore for me this morning. Plus I cleaned the entire kitchen and washed the floors {and picked all the squished raisins off my slippers}. Then I cleaned the bathroom and our bedroom. I’m catching up on laundry {nearly there!} and I’ve vacuumed the livingroom. Our apartment is slowly being restored to it’s original glory, and I love it!

I don’t know why I allow myself to get in lazy moods like that. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does the mood drags on and on and on. Seriously, weeks of laziness? What the hell, me?

I’m glad I finally gave our apartment some tender loving and care, since Matt would like to have his college friend, G, and G’s girlfriend over for a “fondue party” tomorrow night. I’m game because chocolate fondue is bomb! And yes, I know, I should have recruited his help because he wants to have the fondue party, but guess what? I’m sure I’ll be making him clean something in preparation for this “fondue party” – our apartment never stays clean for long!

When I say that Matt doesn’t see messes the way that I see them, I mean simply that. He doesn’t see them. If I tell him to clean something, he’ll do it. I know, the recycling was just him being super lazy and probably unable to see how or where we could store all that recycling without pissing off our landlords {he was thinking truck bed, I was thinking truck cab}.

The best thing about being a stay-at-home-mom is that I only have myself to report to. Matt is completely fine with messes. I, on the other hand, not so much. So the only person I piss off when I get lazy is myself. I don’t piss off any managers or bosses, and I don’t loose my job for slacking. So basically, I can be lazy and still “have a job”. It’s awesome. Plus when I’m feeling lazy and not wanting to clean, it just gives me even more time to read stories to Nolan and play with him. We’ve had tons of snuggles this week!

Oh and by the way, I found Nolan’s other snow boot…it was stuck in his snow pants. So Nolan didn’t actually lose it at all. Mom fail? Totally. Oh well, he doesn’t seem bothered by the misguided blame at all 😉

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I’m Bored. Again.

I’m bored with this blog, again. It just feels…blah. I don’t know what to do in order to bring it back alive. I’m too lazy to re-do the whole look ~ besides, I like the look. I’m pretty sure it’s just me. My writing feels dry and boring lately. Sorry for that.

There’s a lot of stuff that I’d love to write about, but I feel like I can’t. I have fears that writing these stories would open myself up to opinions and feedback that I frankly don’t want. So I remain hush hush about it, and reframe from writing. About that, anyway.

Winter is boring, and in turn I feel boring. We haven’t gone on any great adventures, we haven’t done anything miraculously fun. We mostly stay home, because it’s too bloody cold to go anywhere fun. Sure, there’s the mall, but it’s totally depressing when you go and don’t buy anything because it’s not in your budget and we’re on a saving rampage, so what’s the point? Our mall doesn’t even have a fun playground, or even a photobooth to waste time in. It’s just stores and a food court. Oh joy.

I long for spring, so that we can go to the park and actually do something fun. I’m totally dying here of cabin fever and boredom and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’d love to be able to jet down to visit family for a bit and just have a change of scenery, but Matt’s in school 5 days a week and I work 4 days a week. My only day off is Wednesday, smack dab in the middle of the week. I suppose I could leave Friday afternoon, and head back up Monday morning, but the drive is always sketchy. We have to go through several storm belts and I’m sure I’ve expressed my fear and anxiety about driving during snow storms of any sort.

If it wasn’t so bloody expensive to take a train, I would, and if it didn’t take all day to bus down, I would.

I’m missing my family and my friends, and I’m bored with everything right now. I’m in a funk that I’m trying to claw my way out of. Nobody willingly wants to be in a funk, it just sort of happens. Am I right?

I know the groundhog didn’t see his shadow and predicted that “spring would be here before we know it“, but I highly doubt that’s true. I wait for spring to be here every minute of the day…but it’s only the beginning of February. We had snow storms in early May last year.

Clearly, Northern living is not for this mama. But I do like this town…when it’s not covered in snow and ice and other winter yuckiness. And I am trying to suck it up. I know people {JD especially, or maybe only} hate when I complain about snow since I live in Northern Ontario. Snow is just a fact of life. And I do deal with it pretty well, for the most part. I like never complain to Matt or my family or anybody except you poor folks. Sorry about that. I know if I complain about how cold and boring it is here, Matt will feel super bad. It’s not his fault I suck at Northern winter living. Northern spring and summer living? Totally rad. There is so much to do here it’s a bit ridiculous. But there’s not really anything fun to do during the winter months, and the winter months drag on and on because of it.

This Saturday, I’m going to take Nolan to the EYC. Even though I find Saturday’s at the EYC to be extremely overwhelming {there are so many people}, I think we need to get out of the house for a little bit. So, I’ll grab a coffee and suck it up. Nolan doesn’t mind crowds, even if I do. And since we don’t have plans for Saturday, why not?!

Blarg. Sorry for being so dry and boring around here. My blog is beginning to resemble my hands! So dry. My hands aren’t boring but winter sure is.

P.S. Did I mention I am not a fan of winter?

P.S.S. I fully expect some hate-comments from JD for this post. But oh well; I’m sure she’s just as tired of trying to navigate snowy, icy sidewalks with a baby stroller. And the bundling up before any outing, no matter how quick.

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QUITTER!

Sometimes, quitting things is good right? Like quitting smoking. They practically hand you an award if you quit smoking. Or if you quit drinking, you get one for that too.

I highly doubt I’ll get an award, or even a pat on the back, for quitting the gym though. In fact, I can already hear y’all now, trying to convince me not to. But…I just can’t do it.

I went to the gym today, and was all excited about it, then nearly got into a car accident on the way there. Although it wasn’t snowing when I left, the roads were absolute crap and there’s always one person {aka me} who doesn’t know how to drive in snow. Okay, so it wasn’t my fault. The person in front of me clearly had better snow tires and clearly wasn’t thinking about the possibility that I might not have amazing snow tires, so when they tromped on the break and I did too, I didn’t stop as quickly as I thought I would. Luckily, there was no collision. But my heart was still in my damn throat.

Have I mentioned winter driving, and snow, terrifies me?

Anyway. We arrived at the gym and I dropped Nolan off at the daycare, got my stuff in the locker, grabbed my water bottle and iPod and headed out to work out. Only…I couldn’t do it. I tried all of my machines and my body just was not cooperating. I tried over and over again for 20 minutes to make my body cooperate but it wouldn’t and I was frustrated. So I grabbed my stuff, my kid, and I left.

And I want to quit. I am going to quit.

It seems like every time I go, I get worse and worse at it.

I’m not quitting my get fit goal. I’m just going a different route. I’d much rather work out from home, and pay peanuts for peanut results. I’ll be putting all this money into a membership and I can grantee you I won’t be getting the results I want because my body doesn’t work that way. At all. If I buy work out videos and do them in my own home, at least I’ll be more comfortable and I won’t beat myself up if I can’t do something “the right way”.

So, in summary? I suck. And I’m okay with that. Because I don’t want to kill my body. I couldn’t even sit on the damn floor to play Megablocks with Nolan! I haven’t cleaned our apartment since I started working out, because I’ve been so sore and exhausted. It’s absolutely disgusting. Even when my friend Bruce visited, the apartment was not nearly as clean as it normally is for guests. Hells, it wasn’t even as clean as it normally is for us.

I’ll be quitting the gym and buying a couple of workout videos. Suggestions for workout videos are most definitely welcome.

So far, today has been crappy. There’s still time for it to redeem itself though.

I also didn’t go to Winners because now it’s snowing and the roads are a mess and I’m anxious. I really failed today.

Now, I need to go clean this disgustingly messy apartment.

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Halp? Peef?

Nolan is 21 months, which basically means he’s just 3 months short of his 2nd birthday. Normally, I have a wonderful, happy, bright child who never ceases to amaze me and make me smile. But lately…well, I’ve been having some difficulties with him.

Lately, Nolan’s been spending more and more time on {or at least near – try getting him to stay on it now} the “time out chair”. This is because, in the past four days, Nolan has become increasingly…violent. Only with me. Actually, mostly with me. Matt does get bitten from time to time. The pinching, biting, and slapping is on a whole new level – especially the pinching. Nolan now makes the same face when pinching me that he makes when squishing his food in his little hands. He smiles and then, using all the strength he can muster, he pinches…and it hurts. And lately? His target has been…my throat. He’s been pinching my throat. With force. When he does this I remove his fingers and tell him “we don’t pinch! that hurts!” then I give him a time out. He accepts his punishment {usually, sometimes he fights it} and we move on with our day…but it generally happens several times in a day.

This behavior is obviously completely unacceptable, but no matter what I do it continues to happen. Is this a stage, or should I actually be worried about this intent to cause harm? Or can a toddler even have “intent” to cause harm?

The rest of the time, he is that sweet, happy little child. He gives kisses and hugs and snuggles. But this biting/pinching/maiming me thing is getting old, fast. Have you experienced things like this with your toddler? What worked best?

I feel like I’m failing somehow, because I don’t know the answers to make this behavior stop for good.

I’m wondering if it could be that he’s bored. We interact with him all the time, we read books and build things using his {extremely large} collection of Megablocks. We play with all his other toys with him too. He plays with the little 3 year old girl I watch 4 days out of the week. Our outdoors time is sparse, yes, but only because by the time we get him bundled up and take him outside, he just doesn’t want any more to do with. He literally will put up a fight if we make him stay outside longer than 20 minutes.

So, yeah. I’m kinda at my wits end here folks, any suggestions are most welcome.

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The Details

This morning, I woke up feeling heavy and groggy. All I wanted to do was pull the covers back up over my head and sleep for a few more hours. Obviously, when you have kids who are already awake, you can’t do that. By some miracle, I managed to drag my heavy, groggy ass out of bed and make it into the bathroom. As I went about my morning routine of teeth brushing, face washing, and hair/makeup, I started thinking about the day ahead of me…and going to the gym for that orientation after the girls’ get picked up. Suddenly, I started to feel panicky again. I started thinking about the little details – the drive, for one, is a panic-inducing aspect. It’s snowing – again – today, and finding parking at the hour of night I’m going is absolutely ridiculous. Trust me when I say I hate driving in the snow, and I hate searching all over for a damn parking space, and I hate parking. Then I started thinking about when I actually get into the gym, with Nolan. Panicked thoughts raced about my head a mile a minute.

Should I wear my workout clothes there, to elevate “change time”? I don’t even have proper workout clothes! I have black, crappy sweat pants that are literally flood pants and Matt’s t-shirts to pick from. I’m totally going to look like scrubby bum! Where am I even going to put my crap? I know they have lockers, but what if someone steals my keys, or phone, or something? Then what would I do!?

I actually had to grasp onto the bathroom sink to steady myself, as I was dizzy. I texted Matt with my locker dilemma and he said he leaves his stuff in the locker all the time without a lock. But I know he wears his shorts, and I know there are pockets in his shorts for the really important things like his wallet and his keys and his cell phone. I don’t have pockets in my crappy, flood pant sweats.

But, this is what I do. I freak out over tiny, insignificant details because at the time of {like, right now}, they really don’t feel insignificant. They feel like giant mountains that I can’t get past, even if you see them as ant hills, I am thinking: if someone steals my keys, how will Nolan and I get home? If someone steals my wallet, well then I’m super screwed because it holds all the important documents like my license and our health cards. If someone steals my phone then I’ll be screwed because I’ll have to either cancel my plan {which is expensive} or buy a new phone {which is expensive}. Both things are {expensive} not in our budget.

It’s bad enough that I’m already panicking about going because I have nobody to go with, but damnit self, can’t you give me us a break?!

Somehow, I need to overcome this. The only way I can think of overcoming it is by going tonight with no if’s and’s or but’s. My gym bag is already packed {although I don’t have a water bottle, I need to invest in one of those}, and I’ve at least solved the whole wallet-dilemma: I’m going to lock it in my glove box compartment in my car. Obviously, I can’t lock my keys in there and I really shouldn’t lock my cell phone because it would totally freeze, but at least I don’t have to worry about super important documents going missing from my wallet {because I really don’t have any money in there for anybody to steal. No credit cards, either!}

I was super pumped for Matt to download a bunch of new music so I could make a “workout playlist”, but he totally forgot and I can’t find my iPod anywhere 😦 I don’t think I’ll need it tonight, thankfully, because it’s an orientation so I’m sure I’ll need to pay attention.

But, anyway. Yeah, I’m going tonight, but I’m totally freakin’ the hell out over everything and anything. This would be so much easier if I had a work out buddy!!!

THIS JUST IN: I texted my friend Sammi, who I know has a gym membership because she tried to get me on board a million years ago, and…she’ll be there tonight as moral support! I know she’s already been through all the orientations, but she’ll go with me to elevate some of the stress I feel over the whole “new social interaction” thing! This makes everything so much easier, although I’m probably going to text her a thousand questions {like what I should wear, for one. Maybe I’ll wear leggings and a long sweater? Or is that too “dressy” for the gym!? I’m just not looking forward to wearing flood pants.} Now I’m excited, because Sammi is awesome and I’m less nervous about going 😀

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But there really IS a 6 pack under these rolls!

Matt has been tossing the “G” word around.

Gym.

He wants us to get a gym membership. Together. Not because he thinks I’m fat or anything, but because I’ve often expressed my frustration with my post-baby stomach.

Before pregnancy, I had what I like to fondly refer to as “effortless abs”. I didn’t do anything, and I had rock hard abs – despite the fact that I used to stuff my face full of McDonald’s and Dominos cheesy bread on the daily. Yes, hate pre-baby me, I sure as shit do now. Then I got pregnant, and WHAM. Now I have a flabby post-baby belly that I am too lazy to do anything about – other than bitch.

My stomach today.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. I have cut a lot of crap out of my diet, and I’m drinking way more water. But I’m not exercising. Winter is making it pretty damn hard to leave my couch. I do get out 4 times a week for sure – when I take J down to her bus stop with T and usually Nolan {except for Tuesdays, when Matt is home in the morning, then Nolan gets to miss out on the walk and sleep in. Lucky kid}.

I think part of my issue is that I don’t know how to exercise. Seriously, I’ve never exercised a day in my life and unfortunately, that is not an exaggeration.

So anyway, back to Matt. He brought home some pamphlets from a gym in town and I was reading up on the classes. I’ve gotta say…I’m deeply interested in taking some classes. I think it would be totally awesome to take a yoga, tai chi, or Pilates class or two. Of course, my social anxiety is a barrier right now. The idea of going to work out classes which a bunch of different people is totally scaring the crap out of me.

But I was all ya! Self improvement FTW! a couple of months ago, so I really don’t want that to be my excuse.

Money could be a factor, but Matt is animate that you can’t pay too much for good health. He also added that they have a dietitian that helps you work out a meal plan to get on the right track with eating healthy – I could totally use that, because I am clueless when it comes to “healthy eating” and everything I cook contains a lot of carbs and other not-so-fantastic stuff.

So…I’m on the fence about this. Especially since I totally want to hoard every last penny we have after bills for my ridiculous Ikea shopping trip in April.

But…I would honestly love to have more energy, and it’s a proven fact that working out and exercising gives you more energy. Maybe not at first, maybe not right away but it eventually does. I love the idea of attending a couple of classes each week to help with my stress levels {I hear yoga is great for that}, and I’d totally love a rockin’ bod for this summer. Toned ass, stomach, and thighs?! YES PLEASE! I’d be hitting up the beach daily, regardless of my scars because people would be all like “look at how toned she is! Her body rocks!”

Erm. So, yes. I’m on the fence about it.

But I think we’re going to do it; since Matt is totally for it. Hold me while I shiver in a corner and cry with fear.

P.S. Here are some cute photos of Nolan from today, because I know that’s what y’all keep coming back for. 😉

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