A {Very Sad} Letter to BlackBerries {specifically mine}

Dear BlackBerry:

I love you. I’ve loved you since the first time I held you in the Bell store, not even two months ago. You were far prettier and faster than my old BlackBerry, and you had wireless capabilities. I treat you like a queen, you practically sit on a royal cushion day after day. The kind of treatment you get is actually quite ridiculous.

And yet, randomly, you refuse to lock. I now am that person who butt calls everyone. You refuse to ring, no matter what setting you’re on. You refuse to sound the alarm should I set it. I don’t know what I ever did to wrong you, to hurt you…but you’re hurting me by acting up so quickly into our relationship. I thought we were meant to be! I even paid extra for your pretty self! But now you mock me by not working.

A girl needs a lock button, and a girl needs to be able to hear her phone should it ring {or the alarm, should it go off}. I’m worried about our future together…if this is happening just two months into our relationship…well, I have reason to worry. Obviously, I now have to take you all the way in to a Bell store and send you off for repairs. But I’m worried those repairs won’t fix the future issues, I’m worried that as soon as your warranty wears out, you will fall to the same fate my last BlackBerry did. I’m worried all the issues I’ll have with you will cause me to go literally insane.

You know, I renewed my contract with Bell for another three years to get you. I thought for sure that BlackBerry had improved their phones, since everyone else I talked to had no issues with it. But alas, here we are…you’re not ringing, nor are you locking. I butt dialed six people already today. Luckily they were all Matt, but still. You didn’t get dropped, you didn’t get thrown, you didn’t get left out in the freezing cold of my car. You are treated like a celebrity. I’m beginning to think you’ve got Lindsay Lohan’s personality: despite all the allowances you have, you’re still a drunken mess.

I hope that when I take you in for repairs, it solves all of our issues together. Otherwise, I’m going to have to replace you again. Only this time? I’ll replace you with an iPhone. Yeah, I went there.

Love,
Your owner with the broken-heart:
Jess

P.S. I really don’t want an iPhone, I want you, but I want and need you to work properly. We’re in this together, for three years.

A Letter to my Cat

Dear Sketch;

You know I love you, right? I know it’s hard to tell sometimes, because I curse you repeatedly for being THE WORLDS most annoying cat…especially at the crack ass of dawn when you meow at our door because you feel it’s time for us to get up and give you some loving. Then when I finally do get up and attempt to have my morning pee, you’re all over me like a fat kid on cake. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat on your damn tail while half asleep and trying to do my business. So please, stop going underneath my legs when I’m trying to sit on the toilet. TOTALLY uncool and annoying. If it doesn’t stop, I can’t promise you that I’ll never accidentally pee on your tail. I mean, COME ON! Interrupting my morning pee like that just begs for some kind of gross punishment. Plus, I’m half asleep when you do it and it’s a wonder that I haven’t yet accidentally peed on you. For reals. I don’t have that much control over my bladder, thanks to the wonderful miracle of pregnancy.

But this letter isn’t really about the whole daily bathroom thing I’m forced to endure (and the 5am wake up calls). Oh no, it’s about your “schedule”.

Every morning, without fail you take the worlds stinkiest shit as I’m in the kitchen making my morning tea (or coffee, whatever I feel like that day). It’s literally so gross that your bodily fumes burn my nostrils and make me gag repetitively. As if that wasn’t enough, you do a terrible job “covering it up”. I’m pretty sure you just enjoy leaving that crap fermenting. I can see you in the corner, paw over your mouth, giggling like a school girl as I try not to barf all over the place.

And you know me, you know that I’m obsessive compulsive and can not let it sit and ignore it. You know that I have to instantly clean the entire cat box if I have any hopes of redeeming my morning. And I do, and then I can’t shake the smell of cat litter. It really puts a dampening on your morning when all you want to do is enjoy your bloody tea and not smell cat shit/litter.

Not to mention, your disgusting rank ass literally kills any desire to eat breakfast, which is not good on account of I’m trying to get all healthy and not turn into Betty White before 11am.

For once I would love to have my morning tea (or coffee) in peace, without the smell of whatever is leaking from your ass. For once, I would like to not have to obsessively clean the cat box before consuming a healthy dose of caffeine. Or eating. Eating is completely out of the question thanks to you.

You know I love you, you know I feed you and give you water and love every single day. Hells, I even pump you full of Temptation cat treats and this is how you repay me?

All I ask is that you push your “schedule” back a few hours, and have your morning deposits after I’ve had my morning tea (or coffee) and breakfast. Then I won’t be cursing you come 11am because I’ve – yet again – turned into Betty White. Our entire household would benefit from this, trust me! The fate of all of our happiness rests in your capable paws, so please, make this right!

Love always,
Mama

Notes to Nolan: 19 Months

Dear Nolan,

You’ve raced so quickly away from babyhood and into toddlerhood that some days, I don’t even know what hit me. It seems like just yesterday you were rolling over for the first time, now you’re saying things like “Where is it?” and “What is that?” almost perfectly. You’re now partaking in imaginative play too. You are such a good little boy with a fiery personality – you know what you want and when you want it, and you fight for it. You also know when to back down though, which is really good and saves this Mama tons of headaches!

You love to gain a deeper understanding for the world around you, you are constantly asking your Daddy and I what everything is. You constantly try to figure out how everything works, too. I’m pretty sure that you’d be able to take apart anything electronic and put it back together better than before, if I were to let you try. But, on the offhand, if you ended up like me – thinking you’d be able to fix it and make it work better and only succeeding in breaking it – I can’t take that chance 😉

I love the way you smile, the way you giggle, and the way you give hugs. You are the best little hug giver in the world. I love the way you give kisses too. You are constantly trying to kiss the cat, but she doesn’t much like it and always runs away from your puckering lips. The look on your face every time she does it is priceless. You look at me with big “but why?!” eyes. Sorry little love, our cat is a little crazy!

Your vocabulary expands with each passing day, and I get the joy of hearing you say new words and understand them. The other day, we were reading Moo, Baa, La La La by Sandra Boynton and you actually made the animal noises with me! I’m not going to lie; you shocked my socks off! I definitely wasn’t expecting you to be able to tell me that a cow says moo so soon. I suppose I’m still picturing you as the bald little baby I rocked to sleep night after night. You’re bigger now, and you have a little more hair! Don’t worry though, if you’re anything like your Daddy (and you are, trust me) you’ll have thick locks by the time your 3 and every other month I’ll need to take you to get your hair cut. Unless I let you grow it long…hmm.

Last night, you and I were sitting at the table having our dinner – your favourite (and mine too!): spaghetti. You saw me slurp a noodle and instantly started to try to copy me. I showed you once more, and you got the hang of it. Now you are a pro noodle slurper!

I can’t believe how much you amaze me with each and every passing day. And you have such a sense of humor! You’re constantly trying to make your Daddy and I laugh, and you always succeed!

You love to eat bananas, grapes, and apples. You love Daddy’s pancakes and Mama’s scrambled eggs. You love playing outside, going for walks, and playing ball. You adore going to playgroup and are so good with the other kids. You know how to share and how to be gentle with younger babies. You are amazing with your little cousins.

I could write about all the amazing little things you do each day, and boast about all you know basically for the rest of eternity. You truly are the apple of our eyes, the best little thing to happen to your Daddy and I since sliced bread. We love you so much, words can’t even begin to describe the depths of that love. Everything we do is for you: we want you to have the best life, filled with such love and fun. We want you to know that you can always chase your dreams and reach for the moon: and that if you work hard enough, it’s totally possible to touch that moon.

Thank you for being ours, sweet boy.

Love you to the moon and back,

Mama

the girl behind the camera; Mandy

I have known Mandy now for just over eight years, and I’ve always considered her to be a very close friend of mine. She’s always been close to my heart and in my thoughts, I often wonder what she’s up to in the big old U.S. of A. She is so sweet and so just genuinely awesome! She’s honestly one of the coolest people I know, and I only wish that we could get together more often to hang out!

Last weekend was the first time I saw her in eight years, and even though we only got to spend not even four days together, all of which were hectic and chaotic thanks to the wedding, I had a blast. Mandy’s just one of those sweet-natured, adorable people who you love to be around! She is just good through and through. Her just being there calmed me down a lot {and I know she’s probably reading this going ‘REALLY? That Canadian chick was SPUN all week long…what the hell is she talking about?’ but trust me Mandy, I would have been a lot more spun and uptight and anxious if your sweet, calming self hadn’t been there! So I thank you a lot for that}.

Mandy has a remarkable talent in photography. For years now, I’ve been slightly {ok, VERY} envious of her photography skills! Every picture she takes is a work of art, and I have several pictures I’ve printed and hung in frames of hers in my bedroom. Gorgeous flower photographs that capture every single detail and make me appreciate life that much more; for every detail, ya know?

Ever since seeing Mandy’s first attempts at photography, I knew I was going to force ask her to do my wedding photography. And I’m so glad I did! I couldn’t be happier with how all the photos turned out! Mandy did a fantastic job, she captured me nervously waiting for it to be time for the ceremony and time to wed the love of my life. She captured our beautiful ceremony and our love for each other as we exchanged vows and signed the documents. Then she took fabulous photos of us with our wedding party and some of our family members that I just know are the envy of several people {as they’ve told me!}. Mandy also captured what an amazing time the reception was, and I’m so thankful that she was there to capture every moment of our big day, and that she was able to witness it first hand!

Not only is Mandy super awesome at photography, but she’s insanely talented in making jewelry too! She made me those gorgeous earrings, which I love wearing! They sparkle so beautifully when the light hits them! Plus, they are one of a kind 😉 heh. I’m trying to talk Mandy into making an Etsy shop, because I know some of you gorgeous ladies that would love to wear her gorgeous pieces, but so far she’s not completely sold! I do hope she finds a way of getting her jewelery out there for y’all to see and buy though!

Anywho, this post is to thank Mandy for the beautiful work she did on our wedding photographs; and for being my friend. You are one of a kind; a gem, and I love that I can call you one of my dearest friends! I’m so happy that you came all the way down to Canada {or is it up??} to come to my wedding! I’m glad that you finally got to meet Matt & Nolan too!

But really Mandy…we’re not going to let another 8 years pass before we hang out again!!! I think a yearly hang out session at a halfway point is a perfect idea and we should totally start planning for it, and I totally know you’re game!

Thanks yet again Mandy; words can’t express how thankful we are and how awesome YOU are 🙂

Big Canadian kisses & hugs;

xoxo
Jessica

Letters to Nolan: 14 months

Hey little guy;

I know it’s been a while since I wrote you a letter. I’m sorry about that! I had fully planned on continuing the monthly letters, but some times life has different ideas! We’ve been go-go-go around here! Never a moment’s rest, eh my little adventure seeker? That’s okay though, this mama certainly doesn’t mind!

I can’t believe you’re 14 months already. Time is just flying by! This past month you learned so much and are now walking! I love watching you walk; you get this adorable, proud look on your face. I’m sure my face mimics yours! I am so completely proud of you Nolan; you’re such a smart little bugger.

I find it absolutely hilarious that you love to show off your belly to everyone. We’ll be playing in the front yard, and you’ll lift up your shirt and point to your belly button every time someone drives by. Or yesterday, at the mall when Daddy was carrying you and you kept pointing to your belly whenever you saw a pretty girl. You’re going to be such a Casanova!

Although, I’m pretty sure you just might like them older. The other day when I took you over to a neighbor’s house to play, you were quite afraid of the little 14 month old girl. Any time she went near you, you started to cry! Perhaps it was because she knocked you over the head with a toy and then squealed at you, or maybe you were just trying to pull the “sweet and sensitive” route with her.

You did love playing in the sandbox and water table with her, but you didn’t enjoy the bath you shared with her afterwards. The two of you were so covered in sand and mud that we couldn’t leave for our walk without a quick bath! Of course, it may have been that this was your first bath with someone else aside from me when you were really little, but who knows?

You’re not much of a chatter box, you’re more of a grunter. You “hmmmp” a lot too, when learning something new. I know you know words; you can say “Mama”, “Dada”, “Ball” and “Hi” – but for the most part, you prefer to use grunts and squeals to communicate. Your body language is certainly improving, you now point to your mouth when you are hungry, and point at toys you want me to get for you. It’s absolutely adorable.

I know you’ll talk when you are ready, so I’m not pushing it. You have all the time in the world to talk.

We’ve completely moved on from bottles, and I know you would have been cool with doing it sooner but it was me, your mama, that held on to the bottles for so long. I enjoyed our morning and bedtime snuggles while you drank your bottle, and I guess I was fearful that once we replaced every drink with a sippy cup, you would no longer want to cuddle. I was so wrong! You still enjoy cuddling with me!

You are my pride and joy, my life. I can’t believe how amazing you are, every single day you take my breath away simply by being my little guy. I can’t believe how handsome you are; each day you look more and more like a little boy and less and less like my baby.

Every day with you is magical; I am the luckiest mama in the world! And Daddy, he’s the luckiest pops in the world! I know for a fact that he too is so proud of you. You continue to amaze him as well!

Happy 14 months Nolan; my little firecracker, tester of the waters.

xoxo

Mama

a letter to my dad, on father’s day.

Dear Dad;

I’m thinking about you a lot today, on Father’s Day. I’m feeling the distance – especially on this day, as I felt it on Mother’s Day. I miss being around the corner from you all, but enough about that. I made my choice in moving here and I do love it – I just miss you all.

Anyways, as I was saying…I’m thinking of you, on Father’s Day. I’m thinking about all the things you have done for me, and all the things you have done for my little family too. You’ve helped us out a great deal in a time of need; a time of struggling and fighting to stay above water. You were there to help us up, help us out of that struggle, even though you could have just as easily said “I told you so” and let us find our own way out.

You’ve never left me hanging. You’ve always wanted to make things a little easier on me, and I appreciate that. You’ve always tried your hardest to instill a good work ethic and family values in all of your daughters. You know what? It did pay off. I work hard, every day, at this parenting gig and I know that when I land a job I will work equally hard at that. Work ethic is important, I’ve had you as a shining example of that my entire life. You need to work hard to get the things you want in life. Nothing is free. I value my family above all else, and I’d do anything for them; all lessons I learned from you and Mom.

As a child, I used to idolize you. You were an infallible man; a rock. I remember getting so excited every time you came home. You worked so hard to give us all the things we wanted and needed, and I always looked up to you and respected you and trusted your opinion. You made a lot of sacrifices for your family, for us, and you did years of back-breaking work and built us a home to live in from the ground up. Thank you for that, thank you for providing a safe haven and a comfortable childhood. None of us wanted to leave home, you know? Well, I know I didn’t…I guess I can’t really speak for the others but I know they missed it.

You never stopped believing in me, even after I made mistake after mistake with my life choices. The first time I dropped out of college, you shrugged and told me I’d go back. You had absolute faith in me. The second time, you still had faith in me; you still told me that I would go back one day, that I would be successful once I found my niche. You told me that sometimes, it takes a while to know what you want to do. With those words, you made me feel hope. I felt like a loser, a silly foolish loser. I knew my decision to quit school – for the second time – was the right one {although nobody but me understood why}, but I still felt like a total jerk for wasting more money and coming up empty-handed; for failing.

You’ve always believed in my writing, which is something I also really appreciate. You {and Mom} were the only people to read my horrid attempts and writing a novel when I was 15. You encouraged me all along the way, fueling my desire to be a published author with your support.

I hope you still believe in me, despite the fact that I have let you down a  lot these past few years in my attempts to find my way. I’ve done everything ass backwards, I’ve done all the things you didn’t want any of your daughters to do. I’m sorry for that, but I’m not sorry for how things have turned out for me. I’m happy, I have a beautiful son that amazes me every day and a loving husband-to-be who puts up with my crazy, fly on the seat of my pants attitude.

I suppose we’ve both disappointed each other over the past little while, but I’m a firm believer that nobody is perfect; we all make mistakes. I still hold you in high regard, even if I don’t always understand your actions or your reasons. I want you to be happy, I want us all to be happy. I wish we could all be happy the old way, but I understand that’s not possible. I accept that, because life isn’t always what you expect or plan for.

I still hold you in the highest of regards, I still think of you as trustworthy. I realize I have put you on a pedestal and relied far too much on you, because you were always there. I’m sorry for that; I hope you don’t think I was taking advantage of your kindness. I hope you don’t think that we put too much pressure on you to be perfect. Sometimes when we don’t know what to do, we run to the people who make us feel safe for advice. In the eyes of children, Daddy’s are always perfect.

Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate all that you’ve done, Dad, and I love you. You are still my hero, probably more so now that I’ve realized you aren’t perfect – none of us are, and that’s okay.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

Love always,

Jess