Category Archives: new stuff

An Announcement

I was going to keep this a secret for a while, but I’m terribly bad at secrets. It’s a proven fact. Especially about “exciting” things, I just can’t keep my flap closed. And since Matt is also having a horrible time keeping this secret, I figured…why not?

That’s right folks, two lines…we’re pregnant! Apparently, I’m Fertile Myrtle.

We decided in December that we were ready to add to our little family, so I finished up my BC cycle and went off it in January. Then we started “trying”. By “trying”, I of course mean we just did it a bunch of times, as per usual, and WHAMBAM. Pregnancy? Matt is going to buy me a Staples “that was easy” button and duct tape it to my belly, because…well, that was easy?

We found out February 5th, 2011. I went to a walk in clinic on Wednesday night and they confirmed it. I’m just two days shy of five weeks, and my estimated due date is October 16th, 2011. I am absolutely excited about having an October baby, and…dare I say it…but I’m hoping the baby will be born on October 21st, my dad’s birthday! I doubt that the doctors would let me go five days past my due date, but it’d be sweet to give him a birthday grandbaby!

I know that most women don’t breathe a word of their pregnancy until they are passed the 12th week point. The doctor at the walk in clinic was kind enough to remind me {every time he opened his mouth} that there is a 1 in 5 chance for miscarriage, and he was kind enough to tell me not to “tell everybody just yet”. Nice huh? Definitely doesn’t help calm my nerves at all about this whole pregnancy thing.  But the way I see it…either way, I’m going to blog about the results. I’m over the fear that telling people will “jinx” my pregnancy – I’m not even high risk for a miscarriage! Stressing about that isn’t good anyway. Besides, I spilled the beans about my pregnancy with Nolan just a mere days after finding out, and I was around 5 weeks then too.

We’ve alerted the troops {family} and some close friends, and now I’m alerting all of you. Deep breath.

I was going to wait until I was a little further along…but frankly? Keeping this a “secret” is pretty damn tiring. It’s happy news, so why not share it?! Not to mention, I’ve already “popped” a bit, and it’s already a little noticeable…

I didn’t look like that until about 20 weeks with Nolan! Crazy huh? I know, with your second you pop quickly so I’m trying not to get too offended by the fact that I can barely see my box when I sit down to pee and I’m only four {nearly five} weeks.

I’m super excited! This is our first “planned” pregnancy, but I feel as clueless as I did with Nolan! Seriously, it’s shocking just how much you forget about being pregnant until you’re pregnant again. I didn’t expect to be so exhausted {hence my lazy last couple of weeks}. I didn’t expect the dreams to start so early, either. I’m eating enough to feed a small village too. Thank goodness the nausea hasn’t set in! Although the smell {and look!} of fish is more than enough to turn my belly completely inside out. Of course, the look and smell of fish has always turned my stomach! Gross!!!

I’m also super impatient. How in the hell was I pregnant before? I’m impatient for my first ultrasound, to hear little bean’s heart beat, and to find out what sex little bean is. Boy or girl, it will most definitely be loved! Although I do have a secret desire for a girl, only because Matt says this is our LAST baby and I would like to have a daughter too. Boys are amazing, don’t get me wrong, but I’m hoping for that little girl – the outfits, the girly things, watching her be daddy’s little girl…so sweet! Plus it’s due time someone on Matt’s side had a girl!!! But if little bean happens to be a boy, then so be it! I’ll be just as happy with two little boys as I would be with a girl and a boy.

So, there you have it! There’s my big secret 😀 our big secret! Nolan’s known for quite some time. He keeps rubbing/tapping my belly and saying “baybeee!” So cute!

I have a feeling the next 9 months are going to fly by.



Filed under adventures, bump watch 2011, challenges, changes, crazy mama, facts, family, good times, just thoughts, life as I know it, little moments, love & marriage, love love love, mama musings, new stuff, oh baby baby, pictures, plans & such, pregnancy, rainbows and butterflies, reflecting, telling stories, thankful, the beautiful, the good, the miracle, the random, this crazy train, tidbits, uncensored, updates, writing

Got My Hair Did!

This weekend was pretty great! Saturday, I worked out in the morning {and boy, am I feeling it now} and in the afternoon, my friend Bruce came to visit us. Bruce has been my friend since high school, and him and Matt get along too so that’s awesome. Matt and I actually took Bruce to get his first ever tattoo!! I haven’t seen him since Christmas time, so it was great to hang out again. We decided to go check out a really nice coffee shop that I’ve never been in but heard great things about. I snagged these lovelies:

A matching sugar and creamer! They’re pretty tiny, but I totally love them because they go with my red kettle!

Nolan: glaring at the sun, in the coffee shop. Haha

After the coffee shop, we went to the LCBO to buy some drinks for that night. I bought Cherry Vodka for me and beer for Matt while Bruce bought beer too. It was comical having Nolan in the LCBO – I was getting a lot of horrible looks. Pff. It’s not like I drink all time time, or when he’s awake. Haters keep hatin’, right?

Saturday night Bruce, Matt and I hung out in the livingroom and drank and watched Jackass. Fun huh? We all ended up crashing early – Matt because he had been ice fishing all day {and had to work in the morning}, me because of my gym workout, and Bruce because of his long drive up.

In the morning, we hung out around the house for a bit and then we headed off to the mall for something to do. I ended up getting my hair done!

I’ve been super bored with it for a long while, so I needed a change. What do y’all think?!

After I got my hair done, we went for lunch. Then Bruce headed off to visit another friend in town and I’ve been cleaning while Nolan “naps” {sings loudly, in his bedroom}.

Matt wanted to have a “fish fry” tonight with some fish he caught yesterday, so his buddy is stopping in for dinner and Matt’s dad is coming to visit beforehand so I’ve got to clean this place 🙂 it’s kind of a disaster!

How was your weekend?


Filed under good times, just thoughts, linkage, love love love, mama musings, new stuff, Nolan, pictures, reflecting, self image, telling stories, the good, the random, updates, what I'm feeling, writing

The Details

This morning, I woke up feeling heavy and groggy. All I wanted to do was pull the covers back up over my head and sleep for a few more hours. Obviously, when you have kids who are already awake, you can’t do that. By some miracle, I managed to drag my heavy, groggy ass out of bed and make it into the bathroom. As I went about my morning routine of teeth brushing, face washing, and hair/makeup, I started thinking about the day ahead of me…and going to the gym for that orientation after the girls’ get picked up. Suddenly, I started to feel panicky again. I started thinking about the little details – the drive, for one, is a panic-inducing aspect. It’s snowing – again – today, and finding parking at the hour of night I’m going is absolutely ridiculous. Trust me when I say I hate driving in the snow, and I hate searching all over for a damn parking space, and I hate parking. Then I started thinking about when I actually get into the gym, with Nolan. Panicked thoughts raced about my head a mile a minute.

Should I wear my workout clothes there, to elevate “change time”? I don’t even have proper workout clothes! I have black, crappy sweat pants that are literally flood pants and Matt’s t-shirts to pick from. I’m totally going to look like scrubby bum! Where am I even going to put my crap? I know they have lockers, but what if someone steals my keys, or phone, or something? Then what would I do!?

I actually had to grasp onto the bathroom sink to steady myself, as I was dizzy. I texted Matt with my locker dilemma and he said he leaves his stuff in the locker all the time without a lock. But I know he wears his shorts, and I know there are pockets in his shorts for the really important things like his wallet and his keys and his cell phone. I don’t have pockets in my crappy, flood pant sweats.

But, this is what I do. I freak out over tiny, insignificant details because at the time of {like, right now}, they really don’t feel insignificant. They feel like giant mountains that I can’t get past, even if you see them as ant hills, I am thinking: if someone steals my keys, how will Nolan and I get home? If someone steals my wallet, well then I’m super screwed because it holds all the important documents like my license and our health cards. If someone steals my phone then I’ll be screwed because I’ll have to either cancel my plan {which is expensive} or buy a new phone {which is expensive}. Both things are {expensive} not in our budget.

It’s bad enough that I’m already panicking about going because I have nobody to go with, but damnit self, can’t you give me us a break?!

Somehow, I need to overcome this. The only way I can think of overcoming it is by going tonight with no if’s and’s or but’s. My gym bag is already packed {although I don’t have a water bottle, I need to invest in one of those}, and I’ve at least solved the whole wallet-dilemma: I’m going to lock it in my glove box compartment in my car. Obviously, I can’t lock my keys in there and I really shouldn’t lock my cell phone because it would totally freeze, but at least I don’t have to worry about super important documents going missing from my wallet {because I really don’t have any money in there for anybody to steal. No credit cards, either!}

I was super pumped for Matt to download a bunch of new music so I could make a “workout playlist”, but he totally forgot and I can’t find my iPod anywhere 😦 I don’t think I’ll need it tonight, thankfully, because it’s an orientation so I’m sure I’ll need to pay attention.

But, anyway. Yeah, I’m going tonight, but I’m totally freakin’ the hell out over everything and anything. This would be so much easier if I had a work out buddy!!!

THIS JUST IN: I texted my friend Sammi, who I know has a gym membership because she tried to get me on board a million years ago, and…she’ll be there tonight as moral support! I know she’s already been through all the orientations, but she’ll go with me to elevate some of the stress I feel over the whole “new social interaction” thing! This makes everything so much easier, although I’m probably going to text her a thousand questions {like what I should wear, for one. Maybe I’ll wear leggings and a long sweater? Or is that too “dressy” for the gym!? I’m just not looking forward to wearing flood pants.} Now I’m excited, because Sammi is awesome and I’m less nervous about going 😀


Filed under #FAIL, adventures, annoyances, challenges, crazy mama, fears, figuring it out, get fit!, I don't know, insecurties, issues, just thoughts, life as I know it, me me ME, new stuff, on goals, on motivation, on struggles, reflecting, the difficult, this crazy train, tidbits, tough stuff, um what?, uncensored, updates, what I'm feeling, writing

Damn Guilt

This year, in 2011, I am determined to change for the better. I am determined to stick to my resolutions and improve my follow through.

Last week, I signed up for a gym membership. Over the weekend, I questioned the sanity of that decision, and then decided to cancel my membership. I figured it would be no big deal – since I haven’t yet gone to the gym aside from signing up.

I had an appointment tonight with the friendly gentleman who signed me up to see if I could get out of it. I explained my concerns, my fear that we were biting off more than we could chew. I explained that the day care cost would just be too high, and if I waited for whenever Matt was home to watch Nolan, I’d barely make it to the gym at all. So, buddy hooked me up with an even better deal – free day care every time I go.

Um, hello! That’s pretty damn awesome! The guilt in my stomach over getting a gym membership subsided instantly. That would save us tons of money, and open up a lot of time for me to go.

It’s also given me tons of motivation, because in order to keep this deal I signed a promise that I would be at the gym at least three times a week. And now that the day care is free, I have no worries! My gym days will be Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I only have the girls for a couple hours Monday night and Friday morning, leaving tons of hours left in the day to hit up the gym, and Wednesdays are my days off so I’m free basically all day anyway.

So, I went in with the intent of getting out of my membership and walked out with free day care and renewed motivation. I can do this, especially with the cost of day care no longer a stress.

I know that my chronic pain disorder was also a worry {and a reason for the cancellation} but when I talked to the guy he explained that I would not be doing heavy work outs at all. My goals are to just get in better shape and slowly build muscle. He explained that they help you learn how to start out slow by giving orientations.

Which I would have known, had I made it to any of the orientations I was supposed to go to 😉

So here are my orientations:

  • Thursday, January 27th – Cardio Orientation
  • Tuesday, February 1st – Fit Fix Orientation
  • Wednesday, February 2nd – Free Weight Orientation

As you can see {read?}, my first orientation is tomorrow, at 5:30. I’m going to head out basically as soon as the girls’ father picks them up {around 4-4:30ish}. I want to get a parking spot SOMEWHAT close to the gym, and I want to get Nolan settled and myself changed and “warmed up” for the Cardio Orientation. I’m completely nervous as hell…but I suppose everyone is when they start something new…right?!

I’m also waiting for a call from one of the personal trainers {I guess? I don’t know what they’re called} about my Personal Health Profile. In addition to those orientations and appointments, I’m going to force myself to go work out this Friday, and on Monday and Friday of next week – even if I just go and walk/run on the treadmill or whatever, I need to do it. I am determined to go every single Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I have to get into the swing of it now, especially if I want to keep the whole free day care deal 😉

And I know I tweeted about my anxiety level being sky high while in the gym. It was. It was also sky high while I desperately searched for a parking spot in the dark in the middle of a snow storm. But guess what? 2011 is supposed to be about breaking out of my shell, getting over myself {and my fears}, and trying new things. AND improving my follow through.

It’s not going to be easy, hell it’s going to be a challenge in a half for the first few weeks. I’m going to be sore and tired as all hell…but I’m going to feel better in the long run. And if I don’t, at least I’ll know that I did follow through and give it a fair shot. I can’t quit before I even begin.

So, I’m gonna do this. I just need someone to kick my ass DAILY and motivate the hell out of me. I need someone who won’t let me be lazy and make excuses. Who’s in?!?

I also need a personal assistant to remind me of these orientations and appointments…

And a damn gym buddy, so I’m not as scared/nervous/anxious about going.

P.S. I have another post up over at The Wifey Blogs called Six Months. It’s about my thoughts/views on everything six months in to this whole marriage gig. So please go check it out after you’re done here!  Thank you 🙂


Filed under adventures, challenges, changes, crazy mama, figuring it out, get fit!, good times, growing up, imperfections; perfections, insecurties, just thoughts, life as I know it, linkage, me me ME, new stuff, on goals, on motivation, on struggles, reflecting, self image, self improvement, the difficult, the random, this crazy train, tidbits, um what?, updates, what I'm feeling, writing

Cutest Little Cowboy in the West…I mean North

My awesome friend Caitlin and her husband send us a package today, full of goodies for Nolan and I. I’ve only pulled out a few things from the {giant} box, because I got side tracked by these bad boys!

Aren’t they totally rad? Nolan now has his own pair of cowboy boots! He absolutely loves them and has been dancing around in them for the last 20 minutes.

Howdy Partner! I’m just walking around in my super rad boots!

Need help moving this box, ma’am? I’m a cowboy, you know.

Rootin’ tootin’ cowboy boots!

Care to join me square dancin’ ma’am?

These are so fun!

Little cowboy heartbreaker {those jeans SLAY me! so cute! Also from Caitlin!}

Pleasure dancin’ with ya ma’am!

So, yes…cute overload, am I right?! I absolutely love those jeans on him. They’re from The Children’s Place and I absolutely love the quality. Much better than Nolan’s Walmart jeans…they are thicker and more durable. Plus, the belt loops are large enough for the belt he got for Christmas, should he need it {but he doesn’t because they fit perfectly}.

All he needs now is a little cowboy hat {which we’re keeping our eyes peeled for!}. Matt has decided that we are totally buying Nolan a Woody action figure this weekend, just because we both think he’d love it {since he loves Toy Story and talking to Woody on his Toy Story couch}.

These boots bring back a lot of funny memories for Matt. When he was a little kid, he had a pair of cowboy boots much like these ones {only his were powder blue, if I remember correctly from the pictures Kim – his mom – has} and he was completely obsessed with them. He wore them every where, even when they were much to small for his feet, and wouldn’t accept any “new” cowboy boots as a replacement for the outgrown ones.

I wish I had a picture of little boy Matt wearing his blue cowboy boots, because that’d just be adorable!

So thank you, yet again Caitlin, Matt and your sweet baby boy who has outgrown these awesome boots and clothes!

Note to my readers: See, my apartment isn’t ALWAYS obsessively clean. During the day when Nolan is up and playing, it’s a freakin’ disaster. Especially if Matt was the one playing with him while I slept in. Matt and Nolan = messes of gigantic proportions.

P.S. Today Caitlin’s husband Matt leaves for his deployment, and will be gone for a year. I don’t know how they both do it, but I’m entirely grateful for the sacrifices that Caitlin and her family make. It can’t be easy, in fact I can only imagine how difficult it is. So if you could send some prayers, positive vibes and good juju towards Matt and his fellow soldiers, and strength towards Caitlin {although she has bucket loads of her own}, that’d be greatly appreciated.

And Caitlin, I’m here for ya girly. When you need someone to chat with, or rant with, you know where to find me.




Filed under adventures, challenges, family, good times, just thoughts, life as I know it, linkage, little moments, love love love, mama musings, my kid is AWESOME, new stuff, Nolan, oh baby baby, pictures, reflecting, shout outs, telling stories, thankful, the beautiful, the good, the random, things I love, this crazy train, tidbits, toddlerhood, updates

On Planning

I’ve been longing for home, for the town we used to live in before our great move up North. I didn’t grow up in that town, but I went there often as a young teen because that town had the closest movie theater. My dad and two of my sisters’ live in that town, so does Matt’s mom, step dad and his youngest brother.

That town is closer to basically all my friends.

So, that town has tons of appeal to me.

But…to give this Northern town some credit…I do love it here too. I love our charming little apartment, I love that we’re a stones throw away from the mall, the grocery store, and a Zellers that will one day be a TARGET! Matt has family here, and I do love hanging out with his brother and sister-in-law. Matt also has tons of friends, since he did live here for all of his high school days. I’ve made several friends too.

Matt and I talk regularly about what we’re going to do come this August, when he graduates from his program. After spending Christmas down South, we decided that we wanted to move back for a while, until we figure out where we want to be permanently. He knows that I want to be closer to my dad and my sisters, and he does have friends in that town too.

However…Matt already has a job in a welding shop, and he’s been offered a permanent full-time position when he graduates this August. He’ll make a pretty penny, too, with the raise his boss offered him {upon completion of his program}. So our plans to move back to Southern Ontario have quite possibly been put on hold. This job will be great, especially to have until Matt can get into a union down in Southern Ontario {which is what he wants}.

It just sucks, because I miss my family and friends from back home so much. And I know that everybody, including my dad, is eager for us to go back. And we thought we were, but now…we’re not so sure.

Northern Ontario is being super good to us, and it just sucks that Southern Ontario can’t be that great. Matt will have tons of experience, which will probably make it easier for him to apply and get into unions in Southern Ontario…but who knows how long it will take him to actually get into a union?

So, as it stands right now…our plan is to stay in this town until Matt can get on with a union down South.

This whole topic reminds me of a conversation that Matt and I had last night. Apparently, I drive him a little crazy sometime with my need to plan out every single move for the next 5 years. I can’t help it though, I spent so much of my life not knowing what the plan was going to be or how it was all going to work out that I just can’t not plan things. I have to know. Even if he isn’t graduating until August, I need to know what our next move is.

I’m insane like that. Am I alone? Or do you have to plan out every detail too? I’d love to hear some “no Jess, you’re totally not alone – we do that too!” comments because Matt thinks I’m totally obsessive about planning.

And, maybe I am. I do have to have things a certain way, and if things don’t go the way I plan I sort of sulk and stomp my feet about it. Unless they happen to go way better than I planned, then I’m okay with it. But if it’s worse than what I expected? OH BOY.

So, anyway, I am happy that Matt already has a job offer {and a job} in his field. I am excited for August to come {and go} so he can be done with school and we can finally start living again. Not that we haven’t been living right now, but…you know what I mean! I am still longing for home, to be close to my siblings, but in the very least we will be able to make way more trips down south to visit everyone. Still, it’s a temporary solution for the longing I’ve been feeling; the longing to be 5 minutes away from my sisters and dad, and friends of course.

Nobody told me making decisions like this would be so damn difficult. There are ties here, and there are ties there. We want to be in both places, surrounded by ALL our family and friends, but that’s just not possible.

I guess we’ll just see how everything pans out.

{I’m twitching, right now…just so you know. I hate “waiting to see” how things are going to go. I need to KNOW damnit!}


Filed under challenges, changes, family, figuring it out, I don't know, just thoughts, new stuff, plans & such, reflecting, thankful, the random, this crazy train, tidbits, um what?, updates, what I'm feeling, writing

It’s National Delurking Day!

I didn’t even know, until I saw Jenny from Miss Grace’s Disgrace post about it. I honestly love National Delurking Day {even if I can’t remember it}. Not only does it sorta take the “pressure” to blog off me for a moment {edit to add: I don’t always feel “pressure” to blog, just when I have a bunch of crap to write about but no idea how to get it all out and have it make sense}, but there is always the possibility of hearing from closet readers and that is totally exciting!

So, if you’re a long time reader who has never commented before, or if you don’t regularly comment, it’s your turn to shine! Hell, I even want to hear from my regular, all the time commenters! I like the idea of asking questions, but I’m going to make up my own because I’m feeling slightly creative. And this way, you all can answer my silly little questions 🙂

  1. What is your name and how long have you been reading this blog?
  2. What is it about this blog that draws you in? {i.e. what are your favourite posts and topics?}
  3. What’s your middle name? {middle names are totally interesting, LOL!}
  4. What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?
  5. What book are you reading right now? Is it good? Do you recommend it?
  6. Where do you see yourself in five years?
  7. Do you have a blog that you’d like me to check out?
  8. If you blog, why do you blog? What keeps you coming back?
  9. What’s your favourite dessert?
  10. Where is your favourite place to shop? {It can be for anything…clothes, home decor, etc etc}

I could go on and on with the questions because I do have a lot to ask of my readers. I enjoy getting to know each of you, and forming friendships and all that jazz. So please, answer honestly! Even if your middle name is something ridiculous.

{And, in case you were wondering…my middle name is Cora-Anne. I’m named after my great granny on my dad’s side and my mother.}

Ready?! Set?! GO!!!


Filed under adventures, challenges, discoveries, just thoughts, linkage, me me ME, new stuff, the random, this crazy train, tidbits, updates, writing