Category Archives: ranting

Attention Asshat Drivers: Stop Taking Risks

I don’t know what it is about snow storms that bring out total douchebags on the road, but I’m tired for it. I’m longing for spring – but I know that spring doesn’t grantee douchebag free roads. But still. Winter makes it worse. Especially because the douchebags drive like there isn’t tons of slippery snow and ice on the asphalt.

This evening, I was backing out of my driveway to drive Britt and Serena home. My driveway is at the bottom of a hill on a well traveled road, but I assure you I checked and double checked before backing out. I was about a quarter of the way finished backing out when some asshat appears at the top of the hill, driving towards us. Clearly, I’m backing out of my driveway. My car is pretty damn noticeable, and the dude had plenty of time to slow the fuck down. But guess what? He didn’t. He nearly smashed into me and was on my ass so much so that I had to honk at him to show my annoyance {even though he was behind me…but I’m pretty sure he knew who I was honking at}, and when I was straightening out he decided to try and get around me. With another car coming in the opposite direction. Which caused me to nearly drive into the ditch. When I laid my hand on the horn he {or she} stopped trying to get around and I was able to straighten out and drive forward but I was not comfortable at all, since this idiot put us in danger countless times within 1 minute AND continued to ride my ass.

To the driver of that car: What. The. Fuck. You asshole prick! I had two babies in my car! TWO. And another one on the way! I’m sorry that slowing down and allowing me to completely back out of my driveway without harrassing my back end would waste so much of your precious time, but guess what’s more precious than your time? Our lives. All of ours, even your douchebag life. But most importantly: those babies lives are more important than your “inconvenience” of having to slow down {which, I might add…YOU DIDN’T. AT ALL}.

I am so tired of sharing the roads with risk takers. People who just “don’t have the time” to slow the hell down and drive safely. People who don’t let others have the right of way when they rightfully have it. People who speed through four way stops because stopping is just such a drag.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve almost been in an accident due to somebody’s stupid dick moves on the road. Honestly? I’m a good driver. I’m careful, but I’m not a turtle. I don’t endanger people by driving too slow and I don’t endanger people by driving too fast. I am cautious and I react well {for the most part}. I drive for the weather conditions. I don’t cut people off, or steal their right away. I drive like I’m carrying precious cargo because I am. My baby – ok, I guess I should say babies -are the most important people in my life, and I’m tired of douchebags putting our lives in danger because they’re taking stupid risks.

I really hope that this post reaches out to at least one douchebag driver out there, and makes them think twice before taking stupid risks. Remember: it’s not just your life you’re risking, you’re risking the lives of other people too, the lives of kids and babies. So slow the fuck down and chill out. Drive with caution and care of everyone else on the road as well as yourself, and don’t take risks. Don’t endanger other people, and don’t endanger my babies or my friends babies, don’t endanger my nieces and nephews.

That’s all, thanks.



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Bad Mood Bear

I am in a bad mood today. I’m stressed, anxious, and exhausted. I’ve had far too many late nights over the past little while and needless to say…they’ve caught up with me! Today has kicked my ass and then some, and despite my nap this afternoon I’m still dragging ass and grouchy.

I barely got any sleep last night, between Nolan’s sleep crying and my back. My back was causing me murderous pain, probably because of the way I was sitting during our evening TV watching. So from 2am-3am, I tossed and turned and whined. I ditched my pillow even. Finally I fell asleep, but it was NOT peaceful.

Then my morning started off with the walk-in-clinic “re-dial” game. I wanted to book an appointment for myself and Nolan. The walk-in-clinic we usually go to opens at 1pm and at 9pm you can call and book an appointment for that day. Monday mornings are always rat races, I played the “re-dial” game for literally half an hour. When I finally got through, I tried to book an appointment. I gave the receptionist my name and she instantly interrupted me.

“You owe us for a foot clinic you missed in May. We won’t be able to see you until you pay the $70 charge.” this was said in an icy, short tone {after I was interrupted}.

“Ok…but I don’t have $70 today…” was my response, because I don’t. I was about to ask if I could still be seen with a promise to pay this Friday, but didn’t get far at all because I was again cut off.

“We won’t be seeing you until you pay the $70 charge”.

Ok then.

I was deeply irritated because this foot clinic thing is bogus. I signed up for it, yes, but I never received a call. {Who knows, maybe I did but at the time we were living with Matt’s dad & step-mom, I often didn’t get calls}. I guess I just forgot and assumed they weren’t doing it since I never got the call.

And to me, $70 seems VERY excessive for a missed foot clinic appointment, and the receptionist shouldn’t have had a bitchy tone with me. You catch more bees with honey, not vinegar.

Obviously I’m going to pay this fine, despite the fact that I think its WAY too much for a missed appointment AND despite the fact that they never clarified that “missing” their foot clinic would result in a fee. But I’m still mad about it.

So that put me in a foul mood from the get go. Mostly because I’m feeling insanely guilty for the amount of unnecessary I spent in the last month that shouldn’t have been spent. The tattoo, my hairdo, the three times I went out for lunch with Nolan, the pizza we didn’t have to order, and the 26er of vodka I didn’t need to buy are all weighing heavily on my mind. The fact that we’re tapped until Friday because I slipped up so much also weighs heavily on my conscious.

Throughout it all, Matt isn’t angry with me. Despite the fact if the tables were turned *I* would undoubtedly be infuriated with him. But I don’t let him make mistakes like that, so why do I let myself?

I’m just having one of those days where I need to pout and feel sorry for myself just because I know I screwed up. I know I should have been smarter about our money. I really don’t think I’m to blame for the whole missed foot clinic thing, but I also don’t think they’re entirely too blame either. It just sucks. Especially since I’ve been in several times since May with Nolan and they never once mentioned this fee to me. Or it would have been paid by now {because I usually don’t suck THIS much with our money}.

I still have another four hours to get through before I can fall into bed and call it a night.


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I’m Bored. Again.

I’m bored with this blog, again. It just feels…blah. I don’t know what to do in order to bring it back alive. I’m too lazy to re-do the whole look ~ besides, I like the look. I’m pretty sure it’s just me. My writing feels dry and boring lately. Sorry for that.

There’s a lot of stuff that I’d love to write about, but I feel like I can’t. I have fears that writing these stories would open myself up to opinions and feedback that I frankly don’t want. So I remain hush hush about it, and reframe from writing. About that, anyway.

Winter is boring, and in turn I feel boring. We haven’t gone on any great adventures, we haven’t done anything miraculously fun. We mostly stay home, because it’s too bloody cold to go anywhere fun. Sure, there’s the mall, but it’s totally depressing when you go and don’t buy anything because it’s not in your budget and we’re on a saving rampage, so what’s the point? Our mall doesn’t even have a fun playground, or even a photobooth to waste time in. It’s just stores and a food court. Oh joy.

I long for spring, so that we can go to the park and actually do something fun. I’m totally dying here of cabin fever and boredom and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’d love to be able to jet down to visit family for a bit and just have a change of scenery, but Matt’s in school 5 days a week and I work 4 days a week. My only day off is Wednesday, smack dab in the middle of the week. I suppose I could leave Friday afternoon, and head back up Monday morning, but the drive is always sketchy. We have to go through several storm belts and I’m sure I’ve expressed my fear and anxiety about driving during snow storms of any sort.

If it wasn’t so bloody expensive to take a train, I would, and if it didn’t take all day to bus down, I would.

I’m missing my family and my friends, and I’m bored with everything right now. I’m in a funk that I’m trying to claw my way out of. Nobody willingly wants to be in a funk, it just sort of happens. Am I right?

I know the groundhog didn’t see his shadow and predicted that “spring would be here before we know it“, but I highly doubt that’s true. I wait for spring to be here every minute of the day…but it’s only the beginning of February. We had snow storms in early May last year.

Clearly, Northern living is not for this mama. But I do like this town…when it’s not covered in snow and ice and other winter yuckiness. And I am trying to suck it up. I know people {JD especially, or maybe only} hate when I complain about snow since I live in Northern Ontario. Snow is just a fact of life. And I do deal with it pretty well, for the most part. I like never complain to Matt or my family or anybody except you poor folks. Sorry about that. I know if I complain about how cold and boring it is here, Matt will feel super bad. It’s not his fault I suck at Northern winter living. Northern spring and summer living? Totally rad. There is so much to do here it’s a bit ridiculous. But there’s not really anything fun to do during the winter months, and the winter months drag on and on because of it.

This Saturday, I’m going to take Nolan to the EYC. Even though I find Saturday’s at the EYC to be extremely overwhelming {there are so many people}, I think we need to get out of the house for a little bit. So, I’ll grab a coffee and suck it up. Nolan doesn’t mind crowds, even if I do. And since we don’t have plans for Saturday, why not?!

Blarg. Sorry for being so dry and boring around here. My blog is beginning to resemble my hands! So dry. My hands aren’t boring but winter sure is.

P.S. Did I mention I am not a fan of winter?

P.S.S. I fully expect some hate-comments from JD for this post. But oh well; I’m sure she’s just as tired of trying to navigate snowy, icy sidewalks with a baby stroller. And the bundling up before any outing, no matter how quick.


Filed under annoyances, bitchin' and moanin', challenges, changes, I don't know, issues, just thoughts, ranting, stuff that bites, the random, this crazy train, this is my life, um what?, uncensored, updates, what I'm feeling, writing


Sometimes, quitting things is good right? Like quitting smoking. They practically hand you an award if you quit smoking. Or if you quit drinking, you get one for that too.

I highly doubt I’ll get an award, or even a pat on the back, for quitting the gym though. In fact, I can already hear y’all now, trying to convince me not to. But…I just can’t do it.

I went to the gym today, and was all excited about it, then nearly got into a car accident on the way there. Although it wasn’t snowing when I left, the roads were absolute crap and there’s always one person {aka me} who doesn’t know how to drive in snow. Okay, so it wasn’t my fault. The person in front of me clearly had better snow tires and clearly wasn’t thinking about the possibility that I might not have amazing snow tires, so when they tromped on the break and I did too, I didn’t stop as quickly as I thought I would. Luckily, there was no collision. But my heart was still in my damn throat.

Have I mentioned winter driving, and snow, terrifies me?

Anyway. We arrived at the gym and I dropped Nolan off at the daycare, got my stuff in the locker, grabbed my water bottle and iPod and headed out to work out. Only…I couldn’t do it. I tried all of my machines and my body just was not cooperating. I tried over and over again for 20 minutes to make my body cooperate but it wouldn’t and I was frustrated. So I grabbed my stuff, my kid, and I left.

And I want to quit. I am going to quit.

It seems like every time I go, I get worse and worse at it.

I’m not quitting my get fit goal. I’m just going a different route. I’d much rather work out from home, and pay peanuts for peanut results. I’ll be putting all this money into a membership and I can grantee you I won’t be getting the results I want because my body doesn’t work that way. At all. If I buy work out videos and do them in my own home, at least I’ll be more comfortable and I won’t beat myself up if I can’t do something “the right way”.

So, in summary? I suck. And I’m okay with that. Because I don’t want to kill my body. I couldn’t even sit on the damn floor to play Megablocks with Nolan! I haven’t cleaned our apartment since I started working out, because I’ve been so sore and exhausted. It’s absolutely disgusting. Even when my friend Bruce visited, the apartment was not nearly as clean as it normally is for guests. Hells, it wasn’t even as clean as it normally is for us.

I’ll be quitting the gym and buying a couple of workout videos. Suggestions for workout videos are most definitely welcome.

So far, today has been crappy. There’s still time for it to redeem itself though.

I also didn’t go to Winners because now it’s snowing and the roads are a mess and I’m anxious. I really failed today.

Now, I need to go clean this disgustingly messy apartment.


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Halp? Peef?

Nolan is 21 months, which basically means he’s just 3 months short of his 2nd birthday. Normally, I have a wonderful, happy, bright child who never ceases to amaze me and make me smile. But lately…well, I’ve been having some difficulties with him.

Lately, Nolan’s been spending more and more time on {or at least near – try getting him to stay on it now} the “time out chair”. This is because, in the past four days, Nolan has become increasingly…violent. Only with me. Actually, mostly with me. Matt does get bitten from time to time. The pinching, biting, and slapping is on a whole new level – especially the pinching. Nolan now makes the same face when pinching me that he makes when squishing his food in his little hands. He smiles and then, using all the strength he can muster, he pinches…and it hurts. And lately? His target has been…my throat. He’s been pinching my throat. With force. When he does this I remove his fingers and tell him “we don’t pinch! that hurts!” then I give him a time out. He accepts his punishment {usually, sometimes he fights it} and we move on with our day…but it generally happens several times in a day.

This behavior is obviously completely unacceptable, but no matter what I do it continues to happen. Is this a stage, or should I actually be worried about this intent to cause harm? Or can a toddler even have “intent” to cause harm?

The rest of the time, he is that sweet, happy little child. He gives kisses and hugs and snuggles. But this biting/pinching/maiming me thing is getting old, fast. Have you experienced things like this with your toddler? What worked best?

I feel like I’m failing somehow, because I don’t know the answers to make this behavior stop for good.

I’m wondering if it could be that he’s bored. We interact with him all the time, we read books and build things using his {extremely large} collection of Megablocks. We play with all his other toys with him too. He plays with the little 3 year old girl I watch 4 days out of the week. Our outdoors time is sparse, yes, but only because by the time we get him bundled up and take him outside, he just doesn’t want any more to do with. He literally will put up a fight if we make him stay outside longer than 20 minutes.

So, yeah. I’m kinda at my wits end here folks, any suggestions are most welcome.


Filed under annoyances, challenges, figuring it out, I don't know, issues, just thoughts, mama musings, Nolan, on struggles, parenting, pictures, ranting, reflecting, the difficult, the random, this crazy train, tidbits, toddlerhood, tough stuff, um what?, updates, writing

Young Motherhood vs. Not So Young Motherhood?

Someone once told me I would have more patience and be less emotional if I had waited to have children. This person {who will remain nameless} told me that I would be a better parent if I had waited until my 30s to have kids.

I think that’s a load of crap. I don’t think I’m going to be any more patient 9 years from now than I am today. I don’t think I’m going to be any less emotional, either. I have ALWAYS been emotional. I have ALWAYS worn my heart on my sleeve and never feared showing any emotion that I had. I have ALWAYS been sensitive and quick to go off – but I’ve also always been quick to calm down {after I’ve stomped my feet and pouted a lot}.

I don’t understand why people say that: you’d be a better parent if you had waited until your 30s. Women in their 30s make great moms. Do you agree with that? Mothers in your 30s, do YOU agree with that? I’m curious. I really do want to know if being 30 instantly makes you “SuperMom” just like that person said. I’m not saying that women in their 30s aren’t great moms, but why is 30 so different from 20?

Personally, I think at any age, we will make mistakes; both as parents and as people. I don’t think hitting the golden age of 30 will suddenly cure any bad decisions or fleeting moments of no patience. I honestly couldn’t tell you when the “right age” to become a parent is because I don’t think it matters.

I think that if you love your children, you’re doing a great job. If you feed them, clothe them, educate them and help them grow – you’re doing a good job. If you make them feel cherished and loved and safe, you’re doing a great job – regardless of age.

Young motherhood – young parenthood for that matter – gets such a shit review from the very small percentage of moms & dads who shrug off their responsibilities {much like that of Jenelle from Teen Mom 2} in order to “enjoy being a teen”. But what we don’t often hear about are the “older” mothers who do the exact same thing. That’s kind of a taboo subject though, in a way. The media is quick to portray young mothers as irresponsible, yet the mother who is in her 30s and displays the same behavior as those few young moms like Jenelle never gets any notice.

Why can’t it just be said that some women are irresponsible? Some women don’t make good parents? Not everyone makes a good mom. Not everyone is up to the 24/7 job of parenting. Not all those mothers are young moms though.

It sort of gets my hackles up when someone makes a comment about young mothers and then remembers that I am a young mother and says “well I didn’t mean ALL young mothers”, as if that makes it any less hurtful on this young mother. Its a generalization, a stereotype. Its like saying something completely racist and then following it up with “but not ALL of them”. It’s really just not cool on so many levels.

I’m really tired of being told that if I had waited until I was 30, I wouldn’t be this emotional or whatever other not so great personality trait. This is my personality, its here to stay – regardless of whether or not I’m 21 or 30. I’m also tired of hearing that my marriage is going to fail because “we’re young”.

Age doesn’t have all the answers.


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not part of my plan…

Being away from home with a toddler is usually – at most – tiresome. You don’t have ALL your gear, or all his toys. You don’t have the comfort of knowing that yes, you CAN make 2 or 3 meals for him to eat if he’s being picky because you’re not in your kitchen.

Being away from home with a toddler while you’re both sick is utterly exhausting. I have no patience, or energy. This is not the vacation I had in mind.

I’ve muscled through Christmas and visits with family and I did enjoy myself, but we’ve been down South since December 20th and I’ve been sick that long. Of course, its gotten progressively worse. I now have a touch of the flu to add to my growing list of ailments. I’ve spent the last two days in my PJs (after the errands I ran yesterday, I mean). I’ve had to cancel visits with my friends, which I was really looking forward too. I haven’t even called a few of them that I was planning on calling, because I don’t want to get them (and their gorgeous kiddies) sick.

So, yeah. This sucks. I’m thankful I got to come down and spend Christmas with my family but I am so over being sick. I just want to feel better and enjoy what’s left of this visit.

Tomorrow, I need to somehow find the energy to pack up all our gear and go to my sisters house for two days. Matt is up North for the night (he’s driving back tomorrow, but won’t get here until – at earliest – tomorrow afternoon), having dropped off our new old furniture and Christmas presents, so I’ve been without his help today and will be again tomorrow. So that should be fun. I am looking forward to hanging with Kate though.

We won’t be leaving until Sunday, I think. Matt wants to stay in town for New Years. I guess it doesn’t matter where I am, because its highly unlikely that I’ll be feeling up to it. Or have a sitter, for that matter. Frankly, if I’m still this sick, I’ll want to go home as soon as humanly possible.

Well, enough whining…how are your Christmas vacations going?


Filed under annoyances, bitchin' and moanin', challenges, crazy mama, just thoughts, mama musings, ranting, the random, toddlerhood, updates, what I'm feeling, writing